Philosophy Are relationships and love overrated?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Phalanx, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. Phalanx

    Phalanx Long Live M2A!

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    Heyo everybody,

    This is in no way a critisizm of anything relationship related. I am not cheering on my thoughts, saying they are unchangable, nor trying to convince anyone else. It's simply a combination of things that has me doubting love, marriage, relationships and sufficently has me stuck in a rut. Also, since I know there are a number of couples here and people whose opinions I value, I decided to explore this all here. I don't belong to other online forums where I can expect a reasonable response (video game forums don't invite the best of opinions). I've also discussed this with my friends over a (notso) friendly game of DOTA, and their sentiments are pretty much the same.

    Lately, I have been seeing less and less value in having a relationship. This is not the regular, expected kind of doubt such as "does she like me, does she not?" and "I'm not good enough?" and so on; but instead I don't see the point in relationships. My questions are "do I have the time?", "do I have the money?", "do I have enough emotional reserve to deal with fights and such?" and most importantly: "can any good come from this?" I know my last relationship was heavily damaging and I curse myself for how completely blind I was to the hefty self sacrifices I continuously made. Can I trust myself to identify good and bad relationships when I am in the thick of it? I'm not so sure and I am starting to believe that there is safety in solitude.

    Another thing, perhaps due to the nature of business classes I am taking, I have been thinking a lot of the things I would have to give up by taking any course of action, and none seem as costly (mentally, physically and emotionally) as a relationship. As a demon said in Tenchi in Tokyo: "...relationships inevitably lead to stress and premature balding." True or not, it does seem true the harder I look at and analize people in my classes. Everyone seems overly greedy and materialistic. A powerful example and deciding factor came during a discussion of DeBeers diamond company. All the women in the class demanded big expensive diamonds or threatened to dump their guys because, and I quote: "I'm worth more than that." They all carried that similar mindset of "I deserve it because I'm a woman."

    I thought that was pure BS bottled at the source. I don't see the point. Is love just a creation of the Victorian Era?

    There's a little more to add, but I think that's more than plenty. I guessed that the "Philosophy" section was the best because this is kind of exploring meanings and what other people think.

    Anyhow, thanks for reading/adding your input.
     
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  2. Basher

    Basher Mad Writing Skillz

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    First off I must say, congrats on being single. No one wants to hear "sorry" for a break up. I never say that. It's more like "free at last."

    Your questions are practically for your life style. And in the future.

    With love there will be hardships. Take every relationship to figure out what you want. Not having money? That's a "big" issue that could come with a lot of arguments and etc. So avoid it. Do what you have learned from the past to. Why get into the pain?

    I have to admit there is something to love. Even certain species find another and stay with them for life. If it wasn't love what could it be? Attraction? Then that would lean towards more then one mate.

    Are relationships and love overrated?

    Completely. Now a days it is about where the person social role is not about who that person is. It makes sense because humans have gotten lazy. It's no longer about just love were people want to support one another.

    Look at well over half of the relationships...
    Domestic violence is at home. Scary really. These are the ones reported.

    Why date someone who you have to support? Relationships are about being equal.

    Time? Don't date if you don't. No one wants to be put aside in a relationship.

    Unsure of your future plans? Why date. You think he/she will move with you? Dream on. Especially those in college.

    If you can't get into the relationship 100% then don't.

    If you don't think it will last get out. Why waste time? We all have only one life to live. Don't waste what you have left on something that won't work out.

    For those who are lonely...I said this to so many of my friends...You must feel pretty superior considering there are over 6 billion people on the planet to feel alone.
     
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  3. Phalanx

    Phalanx Long Live M2A!

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    Thanks Basher, that did help a bit.

    Hehe, I know the feeling of being "liberated" all too well. I remember that's how I felt. Great, grand, improved and stronger. I lost a bunch of weight, grey hairs dissapeared, and a friend thought that I went and got a facial :p . I suppose a good analogy for how I felt comes from the LOTR when Theodin is released from the bonds of Sauraman and all life and color comes back to him.

    It's true that time and money problems are present issues, but they won't last that much longer. What then? It rather feels like I'm groping for any excuse to stay single. Even in the past year, when I had the chance and resources to get into a relationship, there always was an equal wave of doubt- "Do I want to get into a relationship?". Granted, I have had only one relationship so far, so I don't have anything except that horrid first one to go on. Still, I get the feeling that, dispite people being different and all, there are large portions of people who fundamentally seem the same.

    Starting a relationship to me seems to be asking for more difficulty than can be imagined. I am not adverse to tough times, but it just seems like relationship difficulties are so pointless and have medium to huge draining effects that far outweight what good comes from it. Understanding? I have family for that. Company? That's what friends are for. Fun? That's what the world's for. Things are already wearysome enough without welcoming in more stress and problems.

    Heh, actually I think it boils down to "I'm getting too practical for my own good". Too bad I couldn't accidentally call a wrong number and end up in the "Ah My Goddess" predicament :catgirl:
     
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  4. karasho

    karasho New Member

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    My answer would be it depends. To me, it's all psychological so it depends on how you take it. If you know how to handle it, it will be cool.....if not, good luck to ya.
     
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  5. That guy!

    That guy! Expecting Father

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    Well, I won’t say that relationships are overrated in the sense that intimacy and sex are a human need. If we did not have those, then our species would not reproduce and continue to thrive. Considering the birth rate is so low, then in this respect relationships are needed.

    Now, I question our societies understanding of relationships. This is more of a critical view – relationships make money, and so we are constantly being barraged with messages that we need to have an intimate partner. Just recently I made a step to move into an apartment, after having people tell me to do so – after the fact I’m now asked “when are you going to get married?” My philosophy on the fact, which is in some ways spiritual, is that you should do what you feel called to do. If someone can achieve more happiness and is able to accomplish their goals through being single then perhaps that is best for them.

    Speaking of domestic violence, I worked with violent men through a family shelter. I remember someone talking about a girl friend as being a ‘total floosy’, in that she showed off a lot of cleavage and he perceived her to constantly flirt with other men. The simple reply to this was “where did you meet her?” Turned out that it was in a bar.

    What I’m getting at is that you need to look in the right places to find the right person. If you enjoy anime and video games, check out http://www.nerdpassions.com/.

    If that person does not work then don’t be shy to move on, which would be better for both you and her. Be careful of making commitments – some people meet someone, date for a month or two and then decide it’s time to live together. Already the divorce rate is 45+% and living together increases the chance of divorce.

    Good luck, I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide.
     
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  6. Teddz

    Teddz Sexy Swedish Love ♥

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    People often say that friendship is all you need and that love and relationships are nothing compared to a friend in need. I both agree and disagree.

    Having a relationship brings your innerself to a new level. You are willing to share everything that you have bottled up within yourself to that person since that one person loves, thinks and cares for you so much and it's a good feeling. Sure, a friend is like that too but their level of intimacy, warmth and safety isn't on the same level as your partner can do. And hey, I am not saying that friends are useless. Hell, I am never willing to let go of my friends if the girlfriend says so.

    I have had two relationships, one rather strong, another rather weak (the girl realized that she never loved me despite being a couple for 6-7 months) and I do agree with some that it's rather exhausting when you have this quarrel and that it takes your time and focus of other things. It takes your time away from friends, family, studies, work and valuable gaming time. But once you have solved and realized it, you will learn more about yourself and others.

    The most important thing after each relationship that you learn about yourself and others on our little planet. It makes you evolve and mature more. And hopefully the more you realize about yourself and what you want, that girl who really means for you will arrive.

    I know I have had enough due to my last relationship but I am not saying that I am giving up. I am just taking my focus off from it and put it on more important stuff like my study so that I can graduate in time and get my freaking masters degree.

    But then again, it differs from person to person. Some people actually date for two months and get engaged and some have lived with each other for years and they don't take that step.

    Time will bring happiness to all of us, and when it does, you will be on cloud nine :)

    - Teddz
     
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  7. Basher

    Basher Mad Writing Skillz

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    <3 Teddz

    One thing that has puzzled me is what has happened to wanting to die for the one you love? Granted there isn't as much times that this has risen like centuries ago but still hold up and etc does happen.
     
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  8. Teddz

    Teddz Sexy Swedish Love ♥

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    The thing with wanting to die for someone you love is probably a way of saying, or that it's something Hollywood has purged this thing into our heads for a "dramatic" effect. And that makes us believe that it is the right thing to do for your loved one. But I think that it's hard for the person to think in that way.

    If I were in that kind of situation, I won't think in that way since it's selfish and yet rather bad for the girl. I'd prefer to say that we BOTH will survive this rather then just let one die...

    But then again, I care for others more than myself :p
     
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  9. Basher

    Basher Mad Writing Skillz

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    Not hollywood Shakespeare.

    I wouldn't risk my life for anyone besides my son.
     
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  10. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    Romanticized love is very materialistic, and I'm sure it was fueled by the Victorian era... But keep in mind that emotionally speaking, the feelings of adoration, affection and admiration (or the three As) are base feelings creatures other than humans have been known to possess. Having these general feelings of want and need and love are natural, if not simply human.

    Now do I find them to be entirely necessary?

    Hm. I'm not sure. I want to say yes because I'm a romantic. I feel as though I am connected with my partner and in such, I have a special, sacred bond that ties us together and blah blah blah. Is this necessarily the case?

    Time will tell. He's Navy, so I can never be entirely sure. ;3

    But I know I love him - Be it sheer animal instinct or based off the images I've grow up with as to what love is.

    Hell, I never questioned if I had time for him or our relationship. I made time for it, regardless what else was on my plate, remembering one thing I tend to forget when I'm single:

    Relationships make me happy. It's comfortable and enjoyable and at my age, fun still. I'm not ready to go get married and I'm not sure if he's my 'soulmate' or whatever the term happens to be, but I do love him. I am in love with him.


    So I think relationships are necessary, be them intimate or otherwise. Humans are social creatures and without the ability to spread out and create bonds with other people, we're very much so vulnerable. Verbal communication is proof that we need one another. If we were able to do it alone, why the hell would we need to speak? xD

    Anyway, love is whatever you make of it. No two people feel it the same way. Some may feel its something to live for, and some may feel its something to avoid. Its all really up to you personally as to how you handle the issue.


    -K.
     
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  11. Teddz

    Teddz Sexy Swedish Love ♥

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  12. artemis836

    artemis836 Vampire Slayer

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    Personally, I think they are totally worth it.

    I am approaching my two year wedding anniversary this June and the last five years of my life has been completely changed for the better thanks to the time I have spent with my wife.

    Not to open up a huge religious debate here (I'm serious...I just have to make one comment) but I personally am a Christian. That being said I understand God to be the essence of a relationship between three aspects of a divine being.

    What better way to understand God and the divine then to understand the nature of relationships. My time with my wife has taught me more about God, faith, and life then anything else in my life.

    I must also state that romantic relationships are not for everyone. There's nothing wrong with being single your entire life and you should not feel like you "have" to be romantically involved or else.

    There are plenty of other great meaningful relationships you can have in your life, with friends and family, that might be more what you are called to experience in this life.
     
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  13. Firefox

    Firefox Member

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    's a good question, honestly, and one I've spent a lot of time thinking about over the past few years.

    What I've experienced is that relationships are volatile and unpredictable, like a roller coaster ride. One day can find itself logged as one of the best days of your life, the next could just as easily be the worst.

    On the other hand, being single is much more stable- each day is generally going to be similar to the last, emotionally speaking. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but there's no heartache, no unpleasantness to speak of...

    I've had a few bad experiences. I've dumped and been dumped, I've gone through weeks-long arguments. I had one incident where I had to disappear for awhile to avoid some angry parents. All of that with the same girl, too.

    On the other hand I've had some very good experiences, too. It's a great feeling to be with someone who loves you, to have their support, their encouragement. It's loads of fun just to be with them and to talk to them. And it gives you a sense of worth- to be that important to someone.

    But is it worth it? Well, what can I say? The best memories of my life are still those I shared with my ex. But, so are the worst. I guess it's something everyone has to decide on their own, really.

    Although I won't say it'll never happen to me again, I think I prefer the stability.
     
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  14. SaberJ2X

    SaberJ2X Moderator
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    necrothreading I see...

    it all depends on your partner, I've had all kinda partners, from unstable pms time bombs, to psychoticly jealous *****es, to gold diggers wannabees...

    I honestly was at arm's length of even trying to go gay I just couldn't understand wtf was I was doing wrong...

    but then I knew this girl, and basically fixed me up... and blablabla...
     
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  15. That guy!

    That guy! Expecting Father

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    I remember this study that looked at people who were happy (not sure how they measured that), however one thing they found was that those people who are more happy have partners who are emotionally stable. Not psychotic, or jealous, or who wonder why you didn't respond to their text message immediately even though you were in a business meeting that the future of your job relied on (which she knew about). *twitch*

    Each person in a relationship should be emotionally independent, understanding that their actions and their feelings are their own rather than blaming their jealousy or anger on their spouse or partner.

    I've seen relationships in different categories:

    Detached -> In these relationships, two people are both completely independent and realize that they aren't the best match. It's more convenient to be together, financially or for the kids...

    Fused -> Both are chained together, there are some self-esteem issues to work on for one or both. When one person tries to get a bit of leeway the other will either cling on to them, or belittle the other person through phyical, psychological, and social abuse. Jealousy is usually seen in these types of relationships, because the other person is either afraid to lose that person, or lose the feeling of power they have from controlling them. It can work both ways, but usually I see it just being one person doing the pulling.

    Healthy Boundaries -> As noted earlier, both in the relationship feel good about themselves. They are okay with being independent, and will give support to the other when needed. They will support each other to grow and mature. It's okay if the other person goes out to party, since you trust him or her. You both share responsibility, you can negotiate when problems come up by listening and communicating assertively. This is not easy to do, but can be learned and is worth it in the end.


    If you both strive to have a healthy relationship, then love and relationships are not overrated at all. I could go on and on about managing emotions, taking responsibility, communication traps, and being assertive.
     
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  16. SaberJ2X

    SaberJ2X Moderator
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    the one I'm with now, we knew ourselves since ever, I was always in her older brother's home playing games, and she was his sister...

    so we know ourselves very well...
    and she was always the clingy kid type, so up too around to her 13 birthday, I was like... why is she still so clingy? when most just don't wanna know you after they hit 11 lol.

    so I went pretty neutral most of that year, but we continued to go out with all her sister to places and stuff, but she had to move to the states again and just the thought of never seeing her again crushed me, so I even left work to move with her over there until she was settled, happy about the place and had some neighbor friends, you know, a month long deal.

    so like, 2 days before me coming back Puerto Rico, she gave me a big kiss and she told me that she loves me for everything I was to her, and my mind just short circuited and kissed her back...

    ----you guys gotta understand I come from a place where, for example my father married my mom when she was 14 and it was a-ok by everyone, but in the US, I do that stuff and I get an all expense payed trip to the big house with 2 big black friends to cure me----

    after the that kiss, and we went to the airport to drop me off, she was holding my hand all the way and then she wrote in my hand a long message. and right now we talk every other day thru facebook and msn with each other and share mangas, games, and lots of talking.

    I mean, **** like this, is cute, and it gets burnt in your mind, when you have a friend and grow closer everyday until we just can't deny we're in awe of each other.

    and blablablablabla
     
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