Art B-Werx pics

I love the cover - because of the inspired style, it would slip right on the shelf next to my SMJ manga and fit right in.

Pages 21 and 22 perfectly capture Elle's "berserk mode"! I agree that it does a good job of conveying the transformation.

I'm still not sold on the last panel of page 20, though - she still looks a shade too calm there.

Great to see more work again. I'll be on pins and needles to see what you make of the future.

 

First, a few edits for the existing work:
Chapter 1
Page 6, Panel 4 - "Did the other tenant leave?"
Page 16, Panel 3 - "I won't be late this time!"
Page 29, Panel 7 - "I thought I had lost it."
Page 29, Panel 8 - "I thought I'd never find this,"

Chapter 2
Page 1, Panel 3 - "We've known each other since Kindergarten."
Page 16, Last Panel - "Many witnesses say that it always appears..."

Kistune Chapter
Page 5, Panel 6 - "I noticed lately that you're not being active and you seem to be always stressed."
Page 9, Panel 1 - "I can see that you've been taking care of Tate-kun for quite a while now."
Page 22, Panel 4 - "Sensei, Tate-kun has escaped!"
Page 24, Panel 2 = "We used to play a lot together and we had a lot of fun."

Chapter 3
Page 10, Last Panel - "You must get a lot of rest, Tate-kun!"
Page 13, Panel 2 - "She saw me in the kitchen while I was peeling potatoes."
Page 14, Panel 1 - "Didn't sensei Nuwebe already take care of that?"
Page 18, Panel 1 - "Aren't you scared of this thing on my head?"

Chapter 4
Page 5, Panel 5 - "I promised myself that one day I'd buy it."
Page 6, Panel 1 - "I just wish that I had met you sooner."
Page 8, Panel 3 - "I've got to stop thinking that I see ghosts."

Now, my personal vision of chapter 5. Just throwing ideas out there as requested - feel free to use anything that sparks interest.

From the cover of Chapter 5, I get a feeling that Reiko is a very strong individual. My idea is to sort of make her the counterbalance to Nuwebe. Where Nuwebe is generally understanding and tolerant of most spirits, Reiko deals with them stringently and without mercy or exceptions.

Reiko bears a deep personal hatred for all ghosts - a hatred originally stemmed from a tragedy in her youth. Someone very dear to her (perhaps a member of her immediate family) was killed by a vengeful spirit (or poltergeist). Following this event, Reiko devoted much of her life to learning to deal with spirits - driven by a purpose, Reiko has become very good at what she does, and going solely by spiritual power is a cut above even Nuwebe's prowess. She could care less for helping spirits "pass on" and moves swiftly to destruction or exorcism without differentiation. To sum it up, Reiko doesn't trust ghosts and can't fathom why Nuwebe wastes time trying to understand them instead of eradicating them outright.

From this train of thought, I visualize a possible outlined continuation of chapter 5 as follows:
-Tate and the gang approach Nuwebe at the end of the day and offer to help with investigation of the school phenomenon. Nuwebe is apprehensive at first, but eventually gives up and allows them to come along if they promise to stay well back.
-They encounter the spirit and parley - it soon becomes obvious that the sightings have been a case of a misunderstanding where people were overreacting to the sight of the supernatural (Nuwebe notes that the spirit has an extremely strong presence, meaning it would be visible to most people who normally don't see ghosts)
-The spirit is lost - the last thing it remembers is trying to get somewhere in particular. It names a place, but none of the group have heard of it. The intelligent Aya then makes note of the spirit's clothing - dating the spirit back hundreds of years to a former war period. Sorry for not working any details out yet, but this is just a rough outline. Basically, the spirit is old enough that the place s/he is looking for no longer exists as it once was and has since been renamed and/or built over.
-The group starts going through textbooks and research material - this could be in classrooms, or a school library if convenient. It takes a short while, but they end up finding the place mentioned and what it is known as now - it's not very far from the school!
-They rush back to tell the spirit, but Reiko makes her appearance, barring their path.
-She and Nuwebe exchange words for a bit. Reiko belittles his methods, calling them foolish. "One day you'll see them as I do, Nuwebe. They're no longer alive. They don't have a right to exist." Nuwebe tries and fails, like he has so many times before, to convince her that not all spirits are evil.
-Reiko, annoyed at him, turns back to the spirit before them, conducting a very forceful seal. The spirit becomes visibly afraid and attempts to escape, but finds itself blocked by a spiritual barrier.
-Reiko finishes the seal - it is fueled by so much hatred that everyone present can feel its frightening power. The spirit is destroyed, screaming in anguish for its final moments of existence.
-Reiko turns to Nuwebe and his stunned group of students making a closing comment along the lines of, "That's how it's done."
-Whispers like "How cruel.." are made by the students. Aya, mouth agape just drops the textbook she was bringing for the spirit.
-After she leaves, the wide-eyed youths ask Nuwebe about her. He is reluctant to say much and avoids having to explain a lot by using the excuse that it is late and they should be going home.
-Tsutomo could realize that after all the excitement, he forgot to snap a single picture.

Further Chapter ideas for Reiko:
-Reiko finds out about Momoko's existence, and naturally plans a trip to Tate's apartment to deal with her. This provides an opportunity to further flesh out the rivalry between herself and Nuwebe. I could see this turning out one of two ways: 1) Reiko ends up being convinced with some sort of agreement or deal (albeit after extreme effort on everyone's part) to let Momoko continue on "living" for a set period of time. OR 2) Even more to the extreme, Reiko somehow comes to an understanding that she has been unfair to spirits, and that not all are malovelent. In this case, Momoko could end up saving her life at personal risk - perhaps throwing herself in the path of a wraith, or she might look into finding the poltergeist that killed Reiko's loved one, providing her with the means to get even.

-The telling of Reiko's backstory could be enough to fill an entire chapter. In youth, she befriended a spirit in her old home (I'm thinking a really big place, possibly an old castle grounds would work well - plenty of space.) and with no friends of her own, the two would hang out together. After she starts school, Reiko does end up finding others her age and ends up going to see the spirit less and less. It starts following her, but she either shoos it or ignores it every time. After a while, it begins to brood jealously, absorbing negative energies to the eventual point where it lashes out at her. Before it catches itself, the spirit finds it has killed a family member who came to Reiko's rescue. The member had rushed to aid her, despite not knowing what was happening and hugged Reiko close. In anger, the spirit's attack meant for Reiko had killed this family member. A frightened and tear filled Reiko sobs and shakes the member, realizing what has happened. She turns to the spirit yelling, "Leave me alone! I hate you!" and the spirit, losing all negative energy sulks and drifts away. From that moment on, Reiko devotes herself to understanding the spiritual. She ends up as a shrine maiden or equivalent, where she also becomes close to romantically involved with Nuwebe. However, it soon becomes evident that the two share very different ideals when it comes to dealing with spirits.

 

Minor corrections at best - your english is better than some native speakers I know.

Reiko as a ghost collector is a nice version too, and a softer choice if you'd rather keep the lighter tone that Suu Momo has going for it.

In any case, I hope my little ramble sparked something for you. I know how the sting of writer's block can feel.

 

It seems very cliche as far as manga/anime storylines go. A naive and cute catgirl who can assume human form makes life uncomfortable for the poor guy who takes her home - and is shy to boot.

If we want something with more lasting power than a one-shot story we'll need to toss out some ideas for the larger picture, possibly an expanded cast. I'll see what I have in mind - I might have some candidates in a few sidestory ideas I had but never developed that you can pull inspiration from.

 

Okay, back with a few ideas inspired directly and indirectly by your short outline. Very basic for now. Let me know if you'd like any of them expanded upon.

#1 - I had an idea of going with the style of Pet Shop of Horrors, where the manga is a collection of short tales revolving around on commonality - in this case wishing on the shooting star. Each mini-story begins with a character making some sort of wish, and of course none of them turn out exactky as planned. It could roll serious or humorous.

"I'm sure you've heard the myth that wishing upon a star can make your dreams come true. Amazingly enough, that particular myth is actually founded on truth - wishing on a star can grant dreams. The catch, of course, is that there is only one star of all existence with which it works.

This star, shooting freely across the heavens. It has been there longer than almost everything in creation. Untapped and unbridled with energy, merely thinking with strong conviction in its presence is enough to make the impossible possible. Unfortunately, it has been proven time and again that most people think they know what they want. It is only later after becoming on the receiving end that they regret it..."


#2 - My second idea was another complete rework that came to mind. It involves a silly concept - that reality isn't everything we take for granted. Abnormalities find their way into the world all the time. The only reason we're blissfully unaware is because of the tireless efforts of "Anomaly", a super secret group that hunts down unreality wherever it should materialize.

Anna is a devotee of Anomaly, and one of its oldest members. She's partly ethereal, existing both within and outside reality at the same time. This grants her extra sensitivity to the abnormal, and has served her well with mystical powers.

When Anna heard she was going to be teamed up, she was overjoyed, especially when she heard the other recruit's name - Molly. She felt is was more than coincidence that their names together were exceptionally close to their organization (Anna + Molly = Anomaly). Of course, Anna is completely let down when Molly arrives, turning out to be a somewhat screwy hotshot intent on toying with unreality instead of treating matters delicately as Anna had become accustomed to.

Basically, the story revolves around the two as they begin at complete polar opposites until a near catastrophic occurrence requires both their unique tact to overcome. Unreality can produce some very strange (and often potentially humorous) situations.

It could hook loosely into Nya-nya as her transformation is definitely in the realm of unreality - which could bring the pair to investigate.

#3 - Hiroyuki's wish is just a bit off, and he ends up with a Midas-like touch. His version - any living thing he comes in contact with becomes a human girl. Lots of potential for comedy and fanservice as his curse sweeps out - at first locally, and then spreading until he eventually becomes identified as a threat to the world as we know it.

#4 - The wish ends up taking a price - Hiroyuki's cat becomes human, but Hiro begins to slowly take on feline mannerisms. Before he knows it, he realizes he's beginning to transform into a cat as his humanity is promised in exchange for Nya-nya's. The main story would revolve around Hiroyuki trying to stop his transformation before it is too late and becomes permanent. His first stop is finding the shooting star that fell to the earth, leading on from there on a rigorous and eventful journey (all with the newly humanized Nya-nya in tow, of course).

 

Riza's Parlor has potential. I found the outline you have interesting and would love to see the other draft you've mentioned.