New Story, new characters

new story ive started, not sure where its gonna go.

He sat up, his head aching horribly. It felt like he'd been hit by a brick. He swung his legs out of the bed, before a lady rushed into the room.

"Corporal you need to lay still! You're not ready to go anywhere yet"

"Corporal?" He was confused.

"Yes, Corporal Jeffery Dunn"

"I..." He started to think, as it slowly dawned on him, that he didnt know that was his name.

"Where... where am I?" He asked, confusion started to build in his mind.

"Bathesda Naval Hospital"

"Wh-why?" He questioned her again.

"You... dont remember?" She looked down at him.

"...I dont even remember my name..." He tried to reason with himself about why he couldnt remember anything.

She looked at him, but stayed silent. Taking his pulse she walked out of the room without another word.

He sat back, alone trying to process what was running through his mind, or maybe the lack of that. He tried to think back to his life, but all he got was a blank feeling. She said he was a Corporal, but honestly he didnt know what to make of that at all. He stared out the window, looking at the blue sky. It seemed so clear and blue, and yet inside his head was a storm of confusion and clouds.

A couple minutes later a doctor walked into the room.

"How are you feeling Corporal?" He asked as he checked his chart over.

"Not... very good, honestly"

"Oh? well, whats wrong then? Are you in any pain?"

"Well, some but thats not the problem. I dont... know what happened?"

"Oh well, some retrograde amnesia is expected with head trama"

"Is it normal that i cant remember anything about myself?"

"What.. do you mean?" He looked up from his paperwork.

"I... dont remember anything... i dont know what my name is... or why im here, or how i got here"

He check his notepad over a bit.

"Corporal Jeffery Dunn, United States Marine Corps, part of the 2nd Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. Specifically, of 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines. You really dont remember any of this?"

He stared past him at the hallway, trying to make sense of what he was told.

"I dont... i dont remember anything... i dont even know where im from. Is that at all normal?"

"No, but then, the head trama you suffered was severe. So its most likely connected"

"What... exactly was the head trama i suffered?" he asked slowly, unsure if he truly wanted to know.

"Your patrol came under heavy enemy fire, reports said that--" He cut him off.

"Doc, just tell me what happened" he was suddenly anxious to know.

"Straight out? You got shot in the head by an enemy sniper"

"Christ... where? am i disfigured or something?" he was suprised that these questions came, they seemed truly superficial considering the situation.

"Actually no, the bullet struck you high, cracked your skull pretty bad, the impact itself was damaging"

He fell back against the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, wondering what to make of it all. Who was He? what kind of person was He? Did he have a wife? a family? He guessed somethings would be revealed soon but, other things, would he ever find out? What was his past like?

A couple days passed, tests done, with no real results. The damage done wasnt permanent and had begun to heal. The doctors said they really didnt have an answer for his amnesia.

A Marine Corps Representitive came and spoke to him. Because of his medical condition, he was being given an honourable discharge. A purple heart, and a bronze star, medals for his service. For service that he didnt remember.

Being released from the Marine Corps, He found himself alone. No family were listed in his service record, no wife, no kids, no parents, no siblings, nothing. They said he lived on base, that he didnt leave too often otherwise.

It would seem his life was a mystery, to himself and all those around him. It left him with no real place to go, or even where je should start to go. After he left Bathesda he found a small motel to stay. 500 dollars in cash was all he had. He didnt even know what he was going to do after that.

At first he just sat in the motel room trying to remember. When nothing came he gave up and went for a walk trying to come up with something. Walks didnt help, but exercising atleast took his mind off of it. But that only brought back the knowledge that he had less than 500 to survive on.

It only took a week before he was down to 50. He checked out, with no money, no place to go. No job history, nothing left him with very little options for work.

Wandering down the street, his duffel over his shoulder. No one in the town knew him, he had no place to stay, a park bench was his only outlet. A long cold night, only ended him up being arrested. They found his dogtags and medals in his bag.

"Hrm, Jeffery Dunn huh?" The officer asked.

He nodded without saying anything.

"You're a veteran?"

"Yes Sir" He responded as if by habit.

"So why are you sleeping on a park bench in the park then?"

"Because i dont remember anything beyond waking up in the hospital 6 months ago" He answered flatly. "I have no family, no friends, no memory"


"Well, all i can do for you, is give you a place to stay tonite, but, you cant be sleeping on park benches like that"

He nodded and laid back on the jailcell bed. Couldnt say it was great, but it beat sleeping on a park bench.

The next morning he woke up, there was a man in a suit standing at the bars.

"Corporal Dunn?"

"sure, why the hell not?" he rolled over and faced the wall.

"My name is Jack Carver. Id like to talk to you"

"Sure, talk, go for it" He was upset, more people talking to him, asking questions.

"Lets get to a better place than this" He eyed the tiny jail cell.

Unlocking the doors, he tossed the keys back to the officer at the door. Dunn followed him out of the police station and down the sidewalk to a little diner.

"You look like you could use a meal"

"I could use my memories more than a meal right now" he muttered staring up into the sky briefly.

"well i cant help you with that, but i can offer you some work"

"I dont need work, i need to remember who the hell i am"

"Look just listen to my work offer and then make up your mind alright?"

"Yeah, whatever" He wandered into the diner.

After they ordered he pulled some paperwork out of his briefcase.

"You were a Rifleman in the 3rd Battalion of the 6th Marines, shipped to Afghanistan 18 months ago. Awarded a bronze star for bravery in combat"

"Great, you read my Service record. So what?"

"So, youve shown great tactical ability and are one of the most skilled riflemen to come out of the Corps in a long time"

"I still fail to see how this is any good for me to know"

"Well, there are certain people, who are interested in a person with your capabilities"

"In case you forgotten, you know in the last 3 minutes, i dont remember a damn thing about my life"

"Well thats the good thing about you Dunn. You dont have any memories so you have nothing to hold you back, on top of that, your a rifleman, your skill will come back with a little practice. Your body knows what to do, without your mind telling it anything"

"Hold me back from what?!" He yelled. People looked up around the diner.

"Keep your voice down Corporal"

He sat down and stared out the window.

"Im CIA, we've taken special notice of your ability and we could use you"

"Bullshit" He looked back at him.

He pulled his ID out and showed it to him. It looked real, but he couldnt tell anything anymore.

"Whatever, im leaving" he got up and walked out the door.

Standing outside he was ready to scream. Way too much bullshit to process.

Inside, another man sat down with Carver.

"Do you think he has any idea we edited his service records?"

Carver kept his head down and his voice low.

"I have no idea, doesnt seem to though"

"Can we use him?" the other man kept his eyes turned away.

"Yes, but we need to take it slow. This guy is on edge and hes ready to snap"

 

Great job! The plot lines

Great job! The plot lines and the message (story) you were trying to get across work pretty well. The sentence structure and the flow can be a little choppy in some parts. Keep up the good work!

~W

 

you showed this to me over

you showed this to me over yahoo not too long ago. I approved of both storylines.

skillinteemaking.