Creative Writing The bringing

Discussion in 'Written Arts' started by Chance, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    I'm not quite sure how it happened, this...Union if you will. So unnecessary, so unclean yet in the end, it brought me a great deal of happiness. The start, far from conventional. The finish, yet to be decided.

    It seems fate had it in for us. Had our numbers called far too early. Had our lives end far too quickly.

    The gasp you made was barely audible, your lips quivering as you were brought over. I smiled briefly at it, wondering if you would scream. If you would argue what I was doing.

    But you proved to be passive. My fangs helped greatly to silence you it seemed, no more macho manly bravado to be heard from you. I siphoned the blood with a thirst like nothing I had felt before. I wanted you cold in my arms, lifeless for a time as I basked in your glory.

    You love, you were my favorite. My favorite toy, my favorite posession. Purely for kicks at the time, and knowing you, you would have it no other way.

    My arms held you tight to my chest, my own breathe strained with effort as I avoided draining you dry. Yes, you were cold but you were living even if it was just for a moment longer. A moment was all I needed.

    Pulling away with a shiver, I removed one of my arms, leaving you dangling slightly as the other struggled to support your full weight. I raised my freed wrist to my mouth, and knashed my lengthened canines across the vein. The skin ripped at my savage and uneducated attempt to draw blood, but the smell of it hit me first. It swelled in the fleshy pocket I had created in my arm and I quickly moved it to your mouth, letting some drip through your cracked lips.

    Your tongue moved up, swiping the wound and I cringed slightly. It hurt ever so slightly, yet raised my high more then I could explain to you. Such a thing, that subtle movement triggered a change in me even I cannot explain. It gave me hope that you indeed wanted this. That you infact thanked me for what I bestowed unto you.

    My head bowed, a smirk donned my face and I let out a soft purr of content. This was all I needed, this was it. Setting you down, I ran my own tongue over the bloody wreck that was now my wrist, closing it, and murmured to myself, "This is what it's like to bring life back."
     
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  2. Peachy

    Peachy ☆liberal HMod☮

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    your creepy Lucky. I like the opening. ANOTHER story that doesn't really tell about the characters, just leaves the reader creeped out. ^^
     
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  3. Lance Leingod

    Lance Leingod The White Blade

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    I know everyone can tell it's vampires. Still, it's a good start but everyone, you don't need to start out with the name of the charaters when you write something at first. Make the people guess what it is and tell them later. It's a good start but that's just me, besides, I like vampires.
     
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  4. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    Thanks kiddos. What can I say, I love to leave you wanting more and if that's what it did, SCORE! I did my job. Quickie stories are always fun anyway, if not to read, then to write.
    And creepy? Oh love, you have no bloody idea.
     
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  5. Basher

    Basher Mad Writing Skillz

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    The good: This story is interesting. It doesn't say much about the characters which I like. Grammar looks fine.
     
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  6. Ashika

    Ashika This thing is so short...

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    Wow. I was preety freaked out at some parts, but that was awsome! I like the part where he was giving her the blood. I loved how you described it. heh heh ,...vampires...
    -ashika
     
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  7. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    *bows* What can I say? I write about what I know.
     
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  8. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    I feel like adding a little more to this.

    The city lights seem to surround me as I stalk my way along, my eyes downcast on the pavement much to my own dismay. Was this my fear or doubt stealing from me my pride? It had been but an evening since our encounter yet my dreams were full of you. Full of your essence, your face followed by my eye, lonesome and simple.

    I wish I could have done more for you, but for now I know I did all there was to be done. You are now quietly bound and gagged within my coffin, your eyes searching for light where there is only darkness. I named you tonight, as my travels took me through vast areas of poverty and filth. I named you Destiny, well aware you would never agree to such a thing.

    But I am known as Chance, bringer of fate, and you are now Destiny, designer of death. Architect of dreams that thrive from desire and spite. Let all the hate bring forth the inner you, my love. I will see you bring down many living creatures with that incredible smile of yours. I will see you flourish into something far more incredible then a mere mortal.

    For my lips do not sin, child. The words I have spoken to you as you lay in transformation were honest, blunt and brutal. But Truth.. Truer then anything even that woman that reared you may have spoken. You are and always will be. Be what you ask?

    Mine I suppose..

    So the name Destiny seems more then just fitting, but perfect. As are you my favorite new play thing, As perfect as you..
     
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  9. Hiro

    Hiro Active Member

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    Do doooo do do do... do do do do... MAHNAH MAHNAH! ... you will realize later when you read the first post you posted if ya dont... then IM me and i will explain. Overall? Very good nice choice for grammar, understandable text and good flow. A+
     
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  10. Lance Leingod

    Lance Leingod The White Blade

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    Good...very good :D
     
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  11. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    Moving on with the story.

    Above me sputtered a street light, the illumination dying from above me. I continued to move through the back allys of this city, taking note of how desolate and unclean the place really appeared up close. My heels tapped at the pavement as I strode down a thin strip of sidewalk, my eyes steady on the area before me.

    Behind me was a hiss of hot air, and I glanced back to see one of the sewer caps steaming slightly. I stopped short of the curb, and turned to face the man hole cover not ten feet from where I was. Nothing seemed misplaced, yet I was curious to the steaming. It was a hot night, but there was no possible way the sewage was boiling.

    As I pondered this thought, the cover began to slip to the side until half of the whole was exposed. Only darkness met my eyes as I watched it happen. My keen sight apparently not enough to see through this ruse, and my sense of smell not sure what to think. I covered my mouth with my hand, stepping back with a small cough of disgust as I was hit with the noxious fumes of something dead. Decayed even.

    A hand reached lithely out of the sewer, flesh clinging to the bones only from the moisture that covered them, nothing more. Liquids dripped down the finger tips of the apendage, dark and ominous in a way that made me want to cringe. Sickened, I continued to step back as more of this creature forced through the small whole.

    From the angle I was at, I saw a head move up and into the light, it's long thin hair also covered in the dark liquid. My fangs ran over my bottom lip slowly, my eyes narrowing as I tried to glimpse a face, yet as it continued to ascend, I continued to miss it's face. It moved over the side, it's wet and naked body sliding over the cement, leaving behind chucks of itself.

    "Oh God.." It croaked once, before clambering to it's feet. When standing, it was a good ten feet in height, it's arms nearly that long as the scraped at the ground. It began a slow turn, its knuckles moving over the road. Half way facing me, it's voice spoke again, this time more collected.

    "Vampire..?" It said, as if questioning my existiance there. I hadn't a clue how this being knew what I was, but I nodded my head in response. "Vampire Sabbat?" Came the next question. I looked away, not sure how to explain.

    "No, I am not Sabbat. I'm not Camarilla either. I chose independence." I watched it carefully, it's one eye seeming to mimic my two, observant and cautious of me. Slowly it turned in full so both of it's eyes were on me, there they were all I could make out of its 'Face'. There was little skin left, the tissues probably eaten away by bacteria and bugs. Small, pus filled pockets in the flesh were oozing that same dark liquid that engulfed most of it's body.

    And it's hair hid whatever expression it could possibly make with so little face to make it with. All she could see clearly was it's eyes sucked deep into it's skull, empty and unreadable and dead. Like this monster, they were dead.

    "Well Ms. Independant Vampire, did you know Sabbat is using the Giovanni's necromancy?" It gurgled out, coughing hard after as a thick, tar like substance hit the pavement in from of him. I just closed my eyes and took a small breathe.

    "The Giovanni claimed independence many years ago, as did the Brujah and the Ravnos. There is no reason for them to side with the Sabbat on anything." I said, thinking of my own Brujah clan for a moment. When they had seperated from the Camarilla, they had done so peacfully and with reason. The Ventrue had been accepted back into their city. And there was no clan the brujah hated more then the Ventrue.

    "Oh little Vampire.. The Giovanni don't even know this yet."
     
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  12. Chane

    Chane Audience of One

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    Sounds interesting so far... I really -hate- being left hanging, so please go and right more or I'll like.. I don't know.. write it for you? :p Who knows.
     
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  13. Hiro

    Hiro Active Member

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    okay im compelled to read more... jsust so i can understand WTF that creature is lol.... good english usage flows pretty well but not perfect. Use more syntax adds spice (this comign froma guy who cant even type right lol:anime: )
     
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  14. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    [Side note to you all. This is a tale of Vampires as most have gotten by now. WW V:tM style vampires. They are seperated into clans. Allow me to list them for you. As they are described here, this is how
    Camarilla- The collective body of vampires that follow the masquerade. They do not kill humans, they do not make fledglings without consent from elders, they do not let the world know of their existience.
    Brujah: The thinkers; They are philosophers, street rabble, and everything inbetween. They are revolutionaries and will fight for their cause.
    Gangrel: The Animals; Gangrel are best described as animals. They become much like lone wolves when they are embraced, and hunt as such. Like animals. Though they become more intune with animals too.
    Malkavians:The insane; As said, they are insane. They can be anywhere from slightly off with a nervous habit to completely bonkers, bouncing off the walls.
    Nosferatu: The mutations; When embraced, they become hideously dyformed. They rot, or they melt away, turning into things you'd see on bad horror movies. Luckily, they are given the gift of secrecy and tend to keep secrets as well, if not better then even the Tremere.
    Tremere: The secret keepers; They are said to have been humans who captured a Vampire and using magic, became vampires themselves. They're big fans of mystery, leading other clans to believe them to be untrustworthy.
    Toreador: The Patrons of fine arts; The Toreador are what Anne Rice tends to write about. The beautiful, lusty vampires that crave art and music in their unlives. One of their weaknesses is, they can become ingulfed in a beautiful painting or by the sound of a song they find inspiring.
    Ventrue: the Ventrue are the businessmen, the makers and shakers of wealth. This clan has great resources in and out of stock, touching on all manner of luxury.

    Sabbat-If the Camarilla are the good Vampires, Sabbat would be the Bad. They have no problem killing humans, and they do not follow the rules of the Masquerade.
    Assamites: The Assassins; the Assamites are a clan of top-rate assassins, and therefore have a tendency to be overpowered and poorly used. They have been compared to ninjas though their roots have been traced back to the middle east.
    The Followers of Set/Serpents of the Light: The Liars; this clan is one of the most distrusted because they cannot deny for long what flows in their veins-the true desire to corrupt.
    Giovanni: the Giovanni are a clan and a mortal family. They are the mafiosos of the vampire world, and a have a clan more tightly-knit than the ranks of the Tremere, which is saying something.
    Ravnos: The Tricksters; the grand thieves and illusionists of the World of Darkness. They are descended originally from the Ravnos family of Gypsies and have carried something of their mortal magic in their blood.

    In my story, they are not exactly all cut and dry Camarilla or Sabbat. They're independent too, as mentioned in the last entry.

    Also noted: My story will not be only WW material, so don't point out flaws in disciplines, paths or other. Thanks. ^^]

    I let my mouth hang open in dismay, then studdered out a response quietly. "You mean.. Another clan knows necromancy?" I couldn't fathom it, the mere thought of the ability being taught to another clan didn't seem likely. I clenched my fist hard, hard enough that my nails bit into the tender flesh of my palm. I unclenched it quickly and looked away from the creature and down, seeing small pools of blood the shape of crescent moons contrasting against my pale skin.

    The creature lurched closer, his eyes blinking with an audible slurp of juices. He seemed to be grinning at me, now only a few feet away. "Oh yes little Vampire, someone else knows. And they're teaching others as well."

    "And how do you know?" I asked with a soft snarl, my eyes narrowing on this disgusting giant. "How do you happen to know all of this?!"

    "Can't spot another Vampire? Aww, are you a baby brujah? That's just adorable." As if flipping a switch, he was suddenly no taller then I, a normal man. The smell was gone as was the suction noises he had made before this change. I nearly smacked my head out of the stupidity I'd shown.

    My eyes traced up this new image and I shrugged. "Noferatu using the mask of a thousand faces? Heh, cute. And no, I am not a baby Brujah..Just slow." I chuckled softly, then looked off for a moment at the empty streets behind us. I had seen this Vampire in his natural form and had been not only disgusted, but intrigued. Never before had I been given the chance to see it. I wasn't sure whether to feel pity or wonder.

    This..Thing could change without blinking. It could blend in anywhere. It really was the perfect secret keeper, guarded by illusions of the mind. It now was making her think it was just a man, brown hair and eyes. Normal height and weight. Normal entirely.

    "Well, can you tell me who atleast? Or why?" I sounded calm though my mind was frantic as it scrambled for information. Had I heard anything on this before? Had the local gangs I hit up for information heard anything? I felt stupid, naive and horribly uninformed.

    Leaning closer to me, he whispered the answer into my ear, causing me to gasp softly. "But why..?" I mumbled out, not sure of what else to say. "Why on earth would the Ventrue have it?"

    "Payback." He said simply, looking at his seemingly delicate pianist fingers. "The Giovanni teach the Ventrue, your enemies by heritage, this ability and they come after you. You inturn are rendered helpless because you do not posess anything to fight of creatures like that. What are you? A brujah. You can punch harder and move faster then the other kindred, but what do you know of magic? You're useless in the matter. So I gave you the heads up because honestly, I don't even like the Ventrue. During meetings of the clans in Elysium, they always speak lowly of my clan. It's unacceptable."

    "But payback, what of payback? How have the Brujah offended the Giovanni?"

    "Did you not sire a male companion last night? Did you not know what family he came from? You sired one of the living Giovanni.. You basically spit in their face and stole a part of their living family. Good one girly, you ****ed over your clan really well."
     
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  15. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    I closed my mouth slowly, not knowing what to say. I had not prepared for last night, nor did I think of any consequences that might occur. I was infact at fault for a possible clan slaughter and I wasn't sure of what I could do.

    A hand moved to my shoulder, and I noticed the nosferatu moving just a slight bit closer. I struggled with the information as well as with being polite and not hissing. He frankly scared me and in all honesty, I wasn't sure of how well I could trust him. He flashed me a grin, his eyes hiding something, and I noticed something else.

    "Funny thing is.. You even hid your fangs from me. Why?" I pulled away from him, the idea fueled by paranoia. I hadn't seen fangs in either of his forms. No fangs meant no vampire and no vampire meant trouble. "Come now, show them to me as an act of trust." My eyes searched behind him, seeing if anyone was coming. I could feel the tension of our auras flaring, my own like a serpent. It was exuded from my body, twisting it's dark tendrils around my legs and between my thighs.

    I was guarded somewhat, my fangs lengthening slightly from the mere thought of this not being something I was familiar with. It continued to grin, showing off more of it's teeth. "Now now Brujah, that's no way to treat a friend." Slowly the illusion began to melt, but he didn't appear as the grotesque monster I'd seen minutes before, but as a shadow.

    featurelees, it was laughing and I couldn't understand what I was seeing. I continued moving backwards, weary of potholes in my way. It figured that wearing heels was the wrong thing to do. He was talking again though I only caught bits and pieces with the mindset I was in.

    "..Can't punch a ghost, can you? No, I bet you have never encountered a wraith. Pity, you'd last longer if you had a bit more knowledge then just how to brawl." It drifted my way, a darkened embodyment contrasting with the natural darkness. A wraith was much like a ghost only the older a wraith got, the more angry, corrupting and vengeful they happened to be. They usually attached to a single person but in this case, it seemed more like this one was a free agent.

    "Look, I don't know why you insist on starting problems wraith, I'm sure you know what ever you do to me will just shorten your life or unlife drastically." I stopped, letting him hover within three feet of me. He chuckled softly, seeing to shake his head and let his shoulders slump.

    "Don't you get it? I'm not after you or your barbaric little clan. What I am doing is trying to warn you. Don't let my appearance make my words seem any less truthful. Just take heed little one; You're going to need help."

    I opened my mouth to reply, but it quickly shut on it's own. He was gone. I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again, making sure he was infact gone. Turning back to the way I was heading, I sprinted back to my apartment, set on getting there and making some calls. Strange that I believed everything I was told that night. Even stranger was how afraid I was, knowing I would not only face the wrath of the Giovanni, but the wrath of my own clan.
     
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  16. Hiro

    Hiro Active Member

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    It gets better and Better everytime I read it... I feel a book coming on... I would buy a copy... just cause i love Ya so much! :anime:
     
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  17. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    I promote my writing through guilt. >.< And I got a virus on AIM. =( That's true karma.
     
    #17
  18. Lance Leingod

    Lance Leingod The White Blade

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    Thanks for the up dates about the clans, otherwise I wouldn't have be able to follow a single thing. Its good :D
     
    #18
  19. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    [Positions in the clan:
    Pimogen- The representative of the clan; They make the rules and they keep everyone in line.
    Whip- They are the number two of the clan; They follow the primogens orders, and insure that they are followed by the rest of the clan.
    ]

    The sheets seemed to engulf me, smothering my body in the quiet embrace of unjudging sheets. It felt so good after my encounter, just to be lost in the false warmth of my bed. My eyes wandered across the ceiling slowly, entraced by how the light hit the fan above me.

    "How could I have done that?" I asked myself quietly, lifting a hand to my forehead to brush away a bit of my auburn bangs. "Stupid..Stupid, stupid, stupid." I let my eyes close, thinking of nothing more then retirement for the evening.

    Within minutes, I was brushing unconciousness. Unknowing of what turmoil had become evident to my clan when a buzzer rang. I opened one eye to the sound of approaching footsteps and sat up quickly as my bedroom door flew open. Within the blink of an eye, I could only give a small gasp as my feet dangled from the ground.

    Pressed hard into the wall, my legs flailing slightly, I gagged back a scream. The hand at my throat only tightened at my frightened response, the eyes meeting mine angry. "What the **** were you thinking? Answer me, you wretch!"

    Robert Angler had me pinned, his expression one of a man on a mission. Apparently my little mistake was now getting to members of my clan, and Robert had gotten to me first. He was nowhere near small, atleast a foot taller then I was, though I was elevated to his hight where I hung. His blue eyes were angry and I didn't know how to quell them.

    "A Giovanni?! Are you ****ing nuts? I know they taught you better then this, you're our ****ing whip! How could you put us into the middle of this?!" He sounded frantic now, voice cracking mid sentence. "How c-could you? Why? Just answer me why.."

    I closed my eyes, turning my face, my neck rubbing hard against his finger tips. They dug into my flesh, brusing the soft tissue beneath. "I'm sorry.." I choked out, coughing hard to the side. "I didn't know. I wouldn't..I didn't know."

    His hand suddenly released me, and I fell hard onto the floor. Slumping over, I tasted blood where my fangs had bitten down into my own bottom lip. I ran my tongue over the wound, my hand venturing up to my neck to touch the sore skin. "I'm sorry.."

    Robert looked down at me, his hands at his sides, fists clenched. "Do you know what happened to Tabitha tonight? She was ganged up on by the Giovanni. They burned her alive Chance. They burned her. She's ****ing dead!" Suddenly one of his massive fists flew out, puncturing the wall above me. I cried out in shock, covering my eyes.

    "I'm sorry Robert, I'm so sorry..I didn't mean for any of this to happen! It wasn't my intent. I'm a fault, I know but I would never do this knowing that would happen. I wouldn't hurt you like that." Robert was one of the elder kindred in our clan, and Tabitha was his childer. As I had made my fledgling the night before, he had made her. And now I was the reason she had been killed.

    "No, you're not sorry. You're wreckless and stupid. Did you even ask Michael if you could make another kindred? No, you didn't. You didn't even plan it. You just made whoever entertained you the most into a Vampire and for ****ing what? So you could have a pet. Wait until this gets to Michael. Just wait Chance, because I swear you will not have your sire's protection for the times ahead."
     
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  20. Chance

    Chance Admitted Pokemon Fan.

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    [Positions in the city (under the masquerade)
    Prince: That would be the title of the leader of the city, whether male or female. This person has complete control over the domain and if powerful enough, more then just one domain.
    Scenectshaw(sp?): The princes voice in court/Elysium. Anytime the Prince is unable to do for the city, the elected Scenectshaw steps in, and takes role of fill in Prince.
    Harpy: They keep track of boons and favors owed between clans. They can give status as well as take it away and can ostracize someone completely if they want.
    The city's council: All the Primogen of the city together to discuss matters of the city, and such.
    More info for you all. ^^]
     
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