Creative Writing 1st time any good?

One quite day a once famous scientist (But now extremely poor because with lack of grants it happens ) stumbles upon a thought thats maybe he could send a silverback injected with a virus into space and observe all of its genetic changes, physical changes, and possibly emotional changes....eventually while the space shuttle in wandering around in the vast open areas of space it comes upon a unknow life force (another virus that reacts with the already loaded virus) that grants the silverback the ability to think extremely intelligent (the scientist observes great increases in physical abillitys, resistences to chemicals and more), the scientist observes this and decieds it is time to bring the silverback back home to mate it so he could observe the results from its spawn...although what he did not expect to see when he finally got it back to his labs is that it's physical apperence had been mutated, what he didn't realize is that the silverback had become the most intelligent being to mankind but appeared to be more stupid then before because he was hiding it for the right time.....the time of release, back into the wild to become the worlds best assassin taking the lives every one he had the chance to...untill one day, a man who had just arrived on a plane from spain (On special buisness) came back to his lonely home in L.A., he fed his dogs and went wandering out into the rain to lay upon his deck in the warm sunny air to sit in his special chair....a few minutes later he heard a crowd cheering, as he looked out to see what the ruckus was about he saw that it was a promotional talk for a soon to be president...the soon to be was standing on the stage as a huge crowd was surrounding it.....it was just starting! He decieds to go and watch the speeches whe he final gets to the enterances they want a few dollars to get in, he thinks to himself and tricks the people collecting fees into thinking he was one of the sound techs and approaches the stage as he get about half way to the stage the speaker starts his speech and not even a few words into it, out of no where a giagantic hulking figure leaps onto the stage, grabs the speaker, and makes off into the dark alleys behind the stage The man (Gear) see this and runs over to the stage and into the alleys following this figure..he eventually catches up to the figure and finds out he is not human but yet a silverback thats yells "A thousand scrolls pierced with ink could not tell the sins of man" then turns and leaps over the wall in back of him...then vanishes in to the darkness.........I am leaving off there tell me what you think so far I hope it aint blow goats but ehy some really do suck right?

 

hey it's a pretty interesting one. keep trying you'll get better!

 

The whole thing is . . .about . . . two sentences. While it is possible for descriptive sketches to run a decent length, this is not good.

Spelling needs work. Emoticons do not really belong in writing, unless it is for a certain comedic effect (like if the story were written in a journal-format, kind of like "Flowers for Algernon").

I hear this a lot from my writing teachers, but you really need to "show" the action of the story, rather than recounting the events without detailing.
-Odin

 

it was fine

your story was fine it did need punctuation as bloodberry said. i think i could have neded better,you were going strong at the beging but then lost track of your thesis some where along the ending.

but it was a good story

TRY HARDER NEXT TIME YOU'LL DO PERFECT!!

 

Thx guys I was trying it on for size I have alot better ones and I failed all my english classes I drew on the tests but n e wayz I will keep trying next time it will be better great feedback