Creative Writing A book I'm working on. Please tell me what you think.

Hi. My friend suggested that I get some people to read this so I can improve it. I'm trying to be a writer but I need people to give me constructive critism or else I'll never improve. I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me what you think. Thank you! ^_^

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Don't you just hate it when you're forced to wait? When you're forced to look at that clock on the wall and count down the hours, minutes, seconds? That's what I was forced to do. Not only was I forced to wait, I was also forced to look at the same clock I had looked at since I was in kindergarden. It was the same black and white round clock with curvy numbers, dots inbetween to symbolize the minutes, and that red second hand turning like a smooth dial, never stopping.

I was impatient that day, I'll admit. It was the day they were going to tell the students who was going on the Foreign Exchange trip and who wasn't. Many of the students who had signed up had to write the country they were interested in visiting. You didn't even have to know the language. They provided translators who also acted as your live-in family while you were there. All this was being sponsored by some rich company with tons of extra money that didn't even know what to do with it.

Can you note my hateful tone?

I, however, was hoping to be chosen. I felt I had a better chance than many of the others who had signed up. I knew the language perfectly and even had relatives I could stay with; my mom's sister and her familia, or family. See what I mean? I had to be one of the ones chosen.

When at last the bell rang and the teacher shouted the homework as we filed out of class, I took off for the office, allowing my graceful speed to guide me. I loved running. It was one of my hobbies along with archery and horseback riding. I tend to be an outcast when it comes to choosing. I don't go for what other people go for. I tend to go with my own style. Not a lot of people horseback ride and I know that many girls at my school wouldn't take up archery as a hobby, but more of a mandatory activity in gym. So you can see why I chose it.

Dodging a teacher who was coming out of the office, shouting a "Hey!" as I passed, I slowed my pace towards the window. I had made it in only 10 seconds, my new record. No one else was here yet so the receptionist was still doing a bit of work rather than helping people.

"Are the results in?" I asked impatiently, not even out of breath. Thank God for the track team.

The receptionist looked at me with what only could be called patience. It made me wonder why she was like that with everyone. I had heard complaints from some of my classmates. "The results for what honey?"

"The results of the Foreign Exchange Student Program."

"Oh, that," she let out and I could practically see the light bulb turn on over her head. She reached over into an organized shelf of different colored papers that was neatly placed next to her computer. Taking one out, she asked, "Name?"

"Angelica Trillos," I answered with a bit of pride. I even added the Spanish accent to my name, pronouncing it as An-ghe-lika Tri-yos.

Using her finger, with the large, red nail that reminded me of a cat's, she skimmed down the list, looking completely intent on her task. It didn't take her long before she stopped and pointed twice, each strike at the paper making me think she was going to puncture it. "Angelica Trillos," making my name sound English, "selected to attend some school in Chalso--"

"Chalco," I corrected.

"--Mexico. Staying with relatives." She put the paper down and reached over again to pull more papers out, this time handing them to me. "These are the papers you are to take with you. They are to be handed in to the school you will be going to for the rest of the year and then turned back here. You will need to take a passport and all that other legal stuff with you." Then she handed me a long strip of paper." That's your plane ticket. Your flight information is on it."

"That's all I need?"

"That's all."

"Thank you," I called, walking away as if in a daze. I was going, I was going on the trip of a lifetime. I had never been to Mexico before. We had relatives but my mom and dad were always to busy with work. And they hated vacations so that was out.

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That's all I have so far. So what do you think?

 

Its pretty good. What kind of novel are you going to make it?

 

It's a teenager genre type of book. They used to make them in the 80s but then stopped and now it's just a bunch of adult books. So it'll be a romantic book about a girl who goes to Mexico as an exchange student and it talks about the trials of going from an American school (all easy) to a Mexican one (really hard. I know cause I attended one for a while).

I'll write more of it later.

 

i'll buy it when it comes out in stores LOL

 

Aww, thanks so much shohen. lol I'll make sure to try and get it out ASAP. The librarian at my school already has someone who can publish it for when I finish so I'll get working on it.