Creative Writing A Poem

The following poem is me just testing the waters with an ideal.
I am the son of 2 published poets and am a published poet as well. So tell me what you think.



To The Guard Unknown
By Jeremy Brandon Curd

inspired by Sailor Moon

Summoned by an ancient promise
I go into a darkened land
And memories of a forgotten past
Come flooding forward once more
And remembered memories of another life are my shield through
terrors yet untold

Only in sleep when I dream
Do I remember who I was
In that life I was not a great king
Nor a mighty warriorbrave and true
But a simple royal guard who served my queen to the bitter end

By our queen did we stand
Upon the shores of a silver land
The enemy were quit many and ranked as far as the eye could
see
And we were quit few
Those of us that did remain

In the millions they did come
Against a hundred that still stood true
And for every one they took
A hundred of theirs did fall
Until only I remained as a human shield for my queen

For non did I let pass
My vow I promised I would keep
To the last stroke of my blade
To the last ragged breath I would take
To the last beating of my heart for my queen that day

How many fell by my hand
100,000 200,000 I do not know
All the while I made my final stand
And my queen fought with her power and her inner light
For to save us all from evil upon that dark and lonely day

All the while my heart did sing
And promised to return someday
To protect the duaghter of my queen
Though how I could not say
But I would find a way somehow someday

Return me now to this day
And the sight of this young queen
To the pain of how much like her mothr she does look
And to the enemy from behind
The one she does not see

It is him I know well
From that day far away
And fate once more comes full circle
In battle do we engage
With memories of my death long ago and far away

To the bitter end we two do fight
I for my new queen
And him for his
The way we did in that silver land
And now dying we both do lay preparing for our final sleep.

Did Armstrong see my unmarked grave
And weep for an unknown soul
Will this young queen ever know my name
Or why I died for her
Or shall I always be the guard unknown who died for her this way
and so far away from home

 

well, i can't say i liked it...however there were some good lines in it. Having parents who are poets doesn't automatically make you a poet, much less a good poet. And i got the impression that you're a bit egocentric. No offense, that's just how it made me feel.

 

Let me clear up something. 'and am a published poet as well' means I am already published as a poet and won awards for my poems 'Welcome To The Dark Heart Of An Old Soul', 'Drinking Coffee At The Gates Of Heaven', and 'The Scarecrow Cries'. Like I said 'I am testing the waters with an ideal'. I actualy made $500.00 dollars off of Welcome To The DarkHeart Of An Old Soul.
I am sorry if you thought I came across egocentric and I am sorry If the poem wasn't up to snuff.

 

I liked it, It's so, so, um, damn, I can't find something to say.

 

No problemo just so long as you liked it.

 

Kyrie Do You Actually Have Something Positive To Say About Anything? I Liked Your Poem The-Guard It Was Pretty Good. The Meaning Of It Is Deep, I Like Sad Poems The Best.

 

She did say there were good lines in it.

And guess what?

Its her opinion, she's entitled to voicing it.

Not everyone is gonna like a poem, or song, or book. And, she said *no offense*. She didn't mean to be rude or anything. She was just voicing her opinion.

Frankly I'd rather hear 'I didnt like it' instead of having someone lie about its quality if I were putting up stuff.

As for how I feel about it, its good. The only part that sorta didnt quite work well with me was when it got the to 'how many did fell by my hand, 100 000, 200 000, I do not know'. But thats simply because I'm looking at it purely by numbers. Maybe he had a flame thrower and they unleashed millions of kittens or something, I don't know. But that just seems *an awful lot* of people for one guy to kill.

Maybe he had a 'Macross Missile Massacre' style attack going, I dunno.

But elsewise its good. Very good.

 

I am glade you liked it SailorCosmos and I am sorry it took so long to reply, but I had a shopping center to guard for 4 hours and a warehouse for another 8 hours. Point blank you can't do much when working 12 hours a day, then 2 working on writing a book, and the rest eating and sleeping ( in a few cases both at once).:dizzy2: :dizzy2:





Nephilim_X, not to take away from Robotech, but read Gates of Fire, by Steven Pressfield. You fail to take into account that a person can dig down deep within and do amazing things when they are backed into a corner and are fighting for something they believe in. In the poem the unknown guard is fighting for his queen and knows there is no one else after him, he is the last line of defence and that is where he draws his strength.

1 true believer is worth more than 1,000,000 mercenaries, that is a proven fact becuase the one fights with all of his being while the mercenaries fight with only their bodies and can walk away anytime. That is the real reason Al Quida is so dangerous, they all are true believers, but their kind of belief is a poisoned religion. The muslims I know practice the real Islam and agree with me that any religion can be poisoned by those who are corrupt and seek power through the blood of others.

I am sorry for ranting and raving, but I just had to pull a gun on a guy who was threatening my neighbor, who is of Arabic decent and very peaceful. Only a coward would pull a knife on an unarmed man and his daughter. I think being force to strip at gun point and made to leave will teach him some manners. If he comes back I plan to shoot him so he can't sit down, but so he will live with the humiliation of being shot in the behind

 

Theres a wee difference between hand to hand combat and using a plane in a kamikaze strike.

The fact that *one* guy could take out 100,000-200,000 troops points to either some serious equipment on this guy, or that those troops have the worst training ever. All they would have to do is form a phalanx ala the Greek Hoplite armies, and he's in biiiiiiiig trouble. Of course, this is assuming they're on roughly equal grounds. I guess in this poem, the enemies are all very weak, 'rush' mentality troops with NO sense of tactics at all, while the guard has got some very, very good magic and/or magic equipment.

Also, the Macross Missile Massacre was more a joke than anything else.

 

Yes it does. Its about some guard who died during the Negaverse assault on the moon, protecting Queen Serenity, or Serena, or whoever.

I realized that and I don't even watch the series.

Oh, and to answer a question in the poem...

I don't think Armstrong wept. If I found a grave, marked or unmarked, on the moon, I'd **** my pants. Theres no atmosphere, how the hell did it get there?! Especially since he had all the hype of being the first man on the moon.

 

Actually it'd do more than humiliate him. Due to the amount of flesh that makes up the ***, and the high number of blood vesells, a LOT of damage and blood loss could occur. Especially if you somehow managed a lucky shot and it went him his a$$ hole. Then he's really ****ed over.

 

I thought it was beautiful. I'm not big on poems but this one really got to me. I say publish it. I know you'll get people to like it. I feel it's beautiful. Iv'e never seen a poem so deep as this one about Sailir moon. Sorcyness please don't kill me.

 

Cmon YamiGirl I wouldnt kill you Yup that's a beautiful poem. I dont kill my friends lol, Well maybe.. *Evil Thoughts* Mwahahahaha! Anyways that's that..

Sorcyness

 

Sorcyness your crazy but you are funny too!!! Thanks for not killing me!! LOL. Yup I love the poem. It's pretty cool.

 

It's fairly nice, it reminds me of an epic poem. Correct me if I'm wrong, but thats what you were doing right? Kind of like Beowulf, except for the fact it's more of a reflection of this guard's own thoughts to himself rather than a story told to other people. That's how I see it, at least.

 

hmmmm very interesting. Cant say that I care for this partciular style of poem writing, but I actually kinda liked this one. I am the whole deeper meaning kinda person so thats probably what captured me about this poem more then anything. Keep up the good work.

 

To be honest, it didn't really didn't grab me. Your rythum was off, and you tried to crossbreed styles. If your going epic, go epic, but if you want just a plain poem, keep it within reason. Also, I completely agree that the numbers were ridiculous, and your likely to lose people on that note. Plus, any one who knows the Sailor Universe knows that, while the villians are capable of realising that much fodder, they normally don't, and a normal guard wouldn't last that long against wave after wave anyway. Heck, the Scouts themselves wouldn't last that long. You have to keep things within reason, and within the boundaries given, you have to keep it real. The Armstrong thing was also completely uncalled for, maybe if you'd had another, but trying to use such historical name will also lose you readers. You have a lot of refining to before I'd think about publishing it.