RPG Requests Apocalypse Beckoning

Snince my last idea wasn't that original, i'd like to try again this month at a relatavly different concept of the story. (For the record....this story's main characters are good as well as evil.)

Due to imbalance of the earth's good and evil, the gates of hell have finally opened to the mortal realm. In the year 2079, the first demons were encountered and their force was one to be reckoned with. After the humans realized what they were up against, all of the world united on the funding of the reasearch of weapon and other means of security for the humans. After the year 2149, the research was over. Now the humans were installing their first city, free of the demon's wrath. After 163 years of hard work, the humans had completed the most secure and peacful city.....A2.This city is as large as the circular radius of Canada. In hope that their newly technology would give them more than artificial water or air, they sent their A2 Scout drones in hope that they would secure another area. A greedy human knew this project would be a success, he programed the A2 Scout Drones to do what he desired. While this is going on, the heavens has now decided that in order for the balance to be mantained, angels would have to be sent to earth. An angel by the sole name of Karu desired to be one of those angels sent to protect the earth. After many were chosen, Karu grew impatient and thought that the reason that he was not chosen was because he was not strong enough. With this in mind he tried to assassinate his only brother, Kiro. Kiro was much stronger than Kaiyon and but could barely defend himself. After Kaiyon was found out, he was ordered to be banished to hell. Before being banished, he had stolen one of heavens secret relics....The Holy Orb. Having this in his possetion while going through the gates off hell, allowed him to keep his angelic appearance. While in hell, he killed and became more sinfull and still his appearance did not change. After 150 years of being in hell he had almost made it to the position that would separate him from anybody....Satan of Hell. This position could only be taken if the previous Satan died in power or was killed. Killing Satan was part of his plan. The reason Lucifer is not hell's ruler is because he had been locked away and chained for al eternity. Once again, Kaiyon attepted to assasinate Satan, but this time the cause of his failure was much different. "Balance breaks balance. And when balcance is broken from within, all hell breaks loose" said a voice everyone in existence heard. This was the sign of the Apocalypse......meaning that the balance broken within had caused Lucifer's chains to break free. Now that this was caused, Kaiyon and any of his followers were banished from hell to a distant galaxy, that were he was supposed to die. As Kaiyon woke up, he realized that he had only but one follower....his most trusted companion in hell. His name was Sirius Iziquel Nova, or Sin. Now that his being alive is known by heaven and hell, both are traveling to The Secret Temple, in wich another of the Holy Relics was hidden, and this was the Ultimate weapon. Humans have already settled small colonies all over the world and are all known to be in order of the humans A Force. Now that they have the technology, Kaiyon plans to steal some of the human weapons in order to reach The Holy Temple. Being aware of this, Kiro became one of the angels to defend the temple, also while the three demons of hell also set themselves to look for the ultimate weapon. And now that the humans are also aware of the weapon, they too are in the quest of Ultima (Name of the weapon), leaded by Capitan Anthony of A Force, who plans to defend the humans at the cost of his life. Little did everyone know that also th A2 Scout Drones had also set up their city now know as G Force, also looked for Ultima. With all the races unaware of the real terror, Lucifer will have enough time to fully restore his powers and claim Ultima for himself...........

(If this Rpg Gets accpeted, i will name the few of the characters Ive created so far)


KaiyonTromentor

 

If you'd read the rules, you'd know you can only put a request forth once a month, and furthermore, you've got your other RPG to take care of. Lastly, you seem to put yourself as the main character in your RPGs. You might want to rethink that. Rejected.

Edit: It's not a month. Not until the 12th.

 

A much as you think you may be right, i actually was not planning on becoming the main character and never mentioned that Kaiyon was the main character. I was hoping to make an actual main character who is actually fighting for good reasons to get Ultima. Secondly i am completly sure that i posted my last request on the 9th of last month. Third, I am not very good at japanese names, so i think i will update the names in about five minutes. Lastly, you did not make any comments on the story whatsoever, so i would like to know what's wrong with it....and by the way, i think i can handle two Rpg's due to the fact that Sakeido School hasn't been going so well.
Nevertheless, i thank you for answering so quickly. I hope next time you reply about the story more than the website thread rules or fairness instead.
Thank You very much...
KaiyonTormentor

 

If you presented an idea in which you refrained from even mentioning 'Kaiyon' as a character until things got underway, things might seem different. Kaiyon is central to your story, and it's far too busy. There are too many mixed mythologies in here, and too many things going on at once. K.I.S.S.

--MT

Edit: You posted your request on the 12. The 9 was for the month.

 

Thank you! That gives me more information on why this was rejected. I know i tend to do that, so i will try not to do it again next month. By the way, sorry i had to reply like that....i wasnt implying on insulting your intelligence. Anyways, thank you very much for the honest reply!

KaiyonTormentor

 

Mind you it sounds like a good story...something I'd more interested in reading in a book rather than a RPG.

So I'm gonna reject because once again too muhc going on.

Next time however, here's some tips to help you in the future.

1) Never create the characters of the story. Let the RPGers do that
2) don't put so much thought into the plot. Sometimes it's better to just watch how stuff happens in the RPG...and maybe reveal stuff as the story goes on... *smirkles*
3) look around at the other RPGs if you're still unsure. We have some excellant RPGs here that you can get a good idea of how to write up your next proposal
4) in addition to #3, check out old requests too that got accepted. ~_^

 

Thank you all! And by the way....was the name "Ultima" ever used? You dont have to answer this if you dont want to. The name seemed familiar once i looked at it.

 

I believe it was in Final Fantasy (I KNOW it was in FF Tactics Advance. I had to fight it ~_^)

 

It seems a lot happened while I was gone. I found your reply to be somewhat rude, KaiyonTormentor. We are only here to give feedback, and if something doesn't abide by the rules, then no further commenting is necessary. You are fortunate indeed that Meaikoh has decided to comment on the story.

However, I will ignore all of this. If some changes are made, perhaps following FR's first suggestion, I might consider adopting it -- I find having premade characters an obstacle to letting roleplayers use their imagination. Consider it pending.

 

Since arcueid's status for my Rpg is "pending", can i change the story to make one without pre-set characters? Or do i have to wait until next month?

 

Go ahead. I give you special permission to do so.

 

(Some of the story varies from what it was, and i actually am very proud of this piece here. I think if it gets accepted, it will be one to enjoy)


In the year 2009, due to imbalance of the earth's good and evil the gates of hell finally opened to the mortal realm. In 2079, the first demons were encountered and their force was noted one to be reckoned with. After the humans realized what they were up against. The demon's wrath could not be stopped, so this caused humans to try and defeat these with nuclreat weapons. This too failed, so all of the world's human population united on the funding and experimenting for new weapons that could defeat or at least hold back the demons, just to give humans the means of security over their population.

Finally in the year 2149, the research was over......now the humans were installing their first dome-city, free of the demon's wrath. After 163 years of hard work, the humans had completed the most secure and peacful city.....DomaTerra (Earth Dome), ruled by A Force.This city is as large as 1,168,421 circular kilometers. Council of the heavens was deciding what to do with the fate of the earth so it sent undercover angels, who were never heard of again. To defend themselves, humans had installed many training facilities all around DomaTerra. From martial arts, to Swordsmanship. Men 15 and up were FORCED to learn a fighting style in order to protect their home. Those who were strong enough, were sent on missions to search the planet for certain locations in which labs were hidden. In these, were research projects to unlimited supplies of water and cloning of animals and even plants. All that was once hidden from the world, is now a reality.

Over the year's research, in 2564, one of the scouting humans came across a ruin which he has never heard of before. In this, was hidden the ultimate secret revealed by the many years of war, Pandora's Box. Humans tried and tried to open it, but they could not. So long after, in the year 2745, the humans finally unlocked the ultimate secret...... The box had in it a scroll and contained the secret hid for over billions of trillions of years, Ultima. It spoke of Ultima as a weapon hidden in the planet's surface, hidden so one day it could be used against anyone. This was perfect for the humans, until the demons also found the secret of Pandora's Box and set themselves to search for it.

Nova-USA and Nova-Japan were the first ones to train many students who could defend themselves and sent them for the ultimate power. Some even trained themselves in order to gain Ultima. Many of these were looking towards Ultima as religious reasons, and others just wanted power. Now on the year 2806, more than a quarter of humanity has left for Ultima and although the location is unknown, a very high population of the world has set themselves to find it.......the question is, in the hands of whom will it fall?

(In this Rpg, characters created can be going for good as well as bad reasons to gain Ultima)


KaiyonTromentor

 

Very well, then. I hereby adopt this RPG.

 

WOW! Awsome! Fantastic! I dont think there is a right word to express my happines! *ahem* so...anyways.....how long do i have to wait for the whole thing to get started?

 

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