Manga Ring Project Chapter 2

I'm working out the panel-script for the Satomi development paragraph that Suzu had brought up, specifically covering:

I'm hoping the few creative changes I've decided to make wouldn't hurt Suzu's orginal ideas too badly.

I've gone the route where someone suggested that Satomi is truly in love with Minato, but just hasn't realized it fully. She is unsure of where their relationship is headed, and needs to decide if Minato recipricates her own feelings for him.

I know it wasn't a very large part of the chapter outline, but it was the first scene that fully jumped out at me and could be visualized.

The full transcript for the scene should appear here within a day. Just need to transfer it from my head to the keyboard. ^^;

 

Possible script:

Chapter 2, Satomi Development Scene

[Early evening. Satomi joins her confidant and friend [Mai] for a small dessert at the high school hotspot diner that lies on the way home. The two sit across from each other in a booth. Despite the late hour, the diner is full, so no one else listens in to their conversation. Each is still dressed in full uniform, with a sundae on table in front. Mai is eradicating hers fairly quickly, but Satomi is deep in thought.]

SATOMI: [Satomi stares off into space.] I've been thinking...you know, about me and Minato.

[MAI]: [Looks up, only half-interested, focused on her sundae] Hmm?

SATOMI: I mean, I'm not sure about our relationship. We get along just fine... but it's just that something doesn't quite feel right.

SATOMI: [Looks directly at [MAI].] You don't understand a thing I'm saying, do you?

[MAI]: [Speaking casually, the handle of her spoon sticking out of her mouth as she talks.] Of course I do. I understand perfectly.

[Pulls out the spoon, pointing it at SATOMI casually.] You're very open with your feelings.

SATOMI: [Meek nod]

[MAI]: [Turns the spoon upside-down] Minato's a closed book.

SATOMI: [Meek nod]

[MAI]: [Handles the spoon, flipping between upright, and upside-down] What you're experiencing is uncertainty in your relationship.

[MAI]: You know that you're doing your share to make things work-

[[MAI] drops the spoon, and we see her a bit of her speech as it hurtles downward] -but what you're not sure is-

[MAI]: [The spoon hits the table] -when things get tough, will he be there to catch things at his end?

SATOMI: [Quiet, unreadable look]

SATOMI: That's exactly it. I really like Minato, I do. But, does he really feel the same way about me? It seems so, but...how can I be sure?

[MAI]: [Eyes close to slits, and she adopts a matter-of-fact look] Make a prove-move.

SATOMI: A prove-move?

[MAI]: Uh huh. You do something to threaten the relationship, and he's forced to act.

[MAI]: If he's true to the relationship, that is. If he's not for real, it'll be painfully obvious.

SATOMI: Wow. You're good at this, [Mai]!

[MAI]: [smirks] Yesyesyes!

[MAI]: [clenches a fist in determination] But enough praise! We need to plan your prove-move!

SATOMI: [sweatdrop] And what exactly would that be?

[MAI]: [falters] Err...

[MAI]: [recovers] We'll fix you up with [Hara Mitsubishi]!

[Panel on the side accompanies [MAI's] mention of the popular Judo club member, showing a rundown profile -

PROFILE
Name: [Hara Mitsubushi]
Class: 4-B (Senior)
Age: 18
Status: Single
Interests: Judo, Cooking, Gardening]

[MAI]: What do you think of that? A gorgeous hunk like that, and Minato's just got to get jealous! And even if things don't work out with you and him, you could always begin anew with [Hara].

[MAI]: [stops, and looks at SATOMI, who silently stares.] ...Satomi?

SATOMI: [we see her looking from a different angle at the melted remains of her untouched dessert - panel 1: stare - panel 2: blink - panel 3: stare]

[External view of the Diner, with speech coming from it]

SATOMI: Kyaaaa! My sundae melted!

[MAI]: As usual...you think too much, Satomi.

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The notable change is the inclusion of Satomi's friend (tentatively labeled "Mai" for now). I felt there was only so much thinking and talking Satomi could do on her own, and having someone else to help her along would give her a little more definition.

The Satomi we see here, is a more deep version than from Chapter 1. I saw her as an extremely active external person, with a lot of thoughts working her inside - which means that she is naturally quiet, but works hard to be outgoing. This gives her a commonality with Minato, who is also very withdrawn, even if Satomi is better at hiding it.

 

Opened a discussion topic for Minato's character. The other major characters will follow with their own threads. I think at these early stages, getting the characterizations ironed out is crucial for the writing staff. It's a hard thing to do, as the characters are far from fleshed out - and writers will interperate them in many different ways. Sure, it is is still early, and they can have some rough, undefined edges, but the best way to get things treated uniformly is to have the staff agree on how characters will act in given situations.

I took a big leap with the Satomi scene here - her character as it was defined until now was that she was open and energetic. My representation here shows there are really two sides of her, and that her most common side is the one she displays to the world (energetic, contented, happy) - the other side is reserved for private moments and her trusted friends (emotional, thought-heavy).

What is great about this take on her, is that she has two very different personalities - one being an unreal her. Ein's influence on Minato makes it a likewise situation. The real Minato is reserved, quiet, timid - and the other side presented by Ein is the rambuncious, energetic, confident side.

As I currently visualize it, Minato's thoughts on the relationship between him and Satomi are exactly as hers are. He is sure of her love for him, but he is not quite so sure that his end of things is up to the task - in short, his withdrawn, socially inept personality makes him short of confidence in his own feelings. Deep down, he is right for her, but he has yet to dig deep enough inside himself to believe that. Of course, this is something that truly needs the writing staff's discussion - it is an important piece of his character.