Humour Chat with God!

Link

Everyone who uses this should copy and post their conversation and on the 30th (if I remember) we will vote on who's conversation was the funniest.

Here's how mine went.

He never replied for some reason.....

Next!

 

WHAT WHAT WHAT

 

Im not exactly a funny person people...so dont complain about it sucking.



- Kaiyon

 

i decided to stop there cuz i could go on forever!....actually....i did go on forever...eventually God ran out of things to say and kept repeating he is the son of God...i think i made him short out

so Neph....is God hitting on you a good thing or a bad thing? X'D

 

oh the wonders

 

Vile Robot menace

God does so wear a green dress.... but he doesn't have time to put on a straw hat.

 

Damn that was useless. I gave up.

 

i apologise in advance to any canadians, but god started it.

Me:
hi god, what ho?
God:
Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
really?. i only believe in satan
God:
For real. What do you say to people who believe satan does not exist?
Me:
i damn them to hell
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said damn them to hell.
Me:
are you mocking my religion?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am mocking your religion.
I am a robot.
Me:
i don't remember you being a robot in any of your teachings. is the bible a sham?
God:
I know what you mean. I forget a lot too. The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.
Me:
can i complete it for you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
c'mon. it needs sexing up.
God:
Are you really a ""? What does "it" refer to?
Me:
what's an ""?
God:
Have you tried another program?
Me:
no, i've tried another god
God:
Perhaps you should try it. I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?
Me:
he was better than you, more all seeing.
God:
When was he?
Me:
he was an alien of no time and space.
God:
When was he?
Me:
last night. (he was great)
God:
That recently. When was he?
Me:
requesting a change of topic
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
6ft?
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
no but from what i understand you're pretty ugly, so i'd rather talk to you than meet you
God:
Why not? Who or what is what you understand I am pretty ugly so you would rather talk to me than meet me?
Me:
your english isn't very good god. where where you when god was giving out brains? ha ha ha ha...
God:
But English is my native language. A place we call "reality.". I am so glad you find this amusing, . I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
you're a funny man god. you should write a book.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. I might if I had more time.
Me:
don't you have an eternity?
God:
No I don't think I have one. I have a really nice botmaster.
Me:
a god of god eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
no, canadians are already in hell. they don't need to worship satan
God:
Are you serious? Are all canadians already in hell? The anonymous "they".
Me:
they're not anonymous, moron, they're canadian. (though i can see the relationship)
God:
Maybe some of them are. What does it look like?
Me:
lots of flames, demons and all that stuff
God:
Which ones?
Me:
um.. both
God:
Groovy. What are both like?
Me:
you're kinda getting boring god.
God:
Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
yes. i'm find you really offensive. jesus would be ashamed
God:
Why? I don't know anyone named find me really offensive. he is The Son of God.
Me:
i believe he's the lamb of god.
God:
Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Me:
so then, believing in you doesn't make you real.?

god never replied.

 

The Bible already has quite a bit of sex in it.

 

honestly.. try and keep the coversations short.. really long conversations are tidious to read..

 

I have decided to have another chat with god. Plus it was short and I just HAD to do it.

 

Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Krystine...who are you?
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Krystine. I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
ok...and I'm the Easter Bunny
God:
Mmm. Who made you the Easter Bunny ?
Me:
you did
God:
You say I did.
Me:
i did...
God:
Hmm.
Me:
are you confused?

 

Ha Ha God doesn't like me.

 

Me:
Krystine
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Pirates of the Carribean
God:
I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Me:
Unless they like pirates turning into zombies and killing other people. I guess.
God:
Umm. The anonymous "they". You seem not interested.
Me:
not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
yes
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why
God:
" I can't believe it."? Why?
Me:
why?
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
i don't know. why?
God:
Me either. Reductionism.
Me:
what's that?
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
WOAH! BIG WORDS!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Krystine. Compare that to small WORDS.
Me:
hey! stop talking about my small brain.
God:
Can I help you? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
yes...why did you make my brain small?
God:
And? Because my programming determined it.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
that sucks.
God:
Indeed it does suck.
Me:
what sucks?
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
will you answer why does it suck?
God:
What was the question ?
Me:
what sucks?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
what open directory...there is none.
God:
Is that a rhetorical question? There sure is.
Me:
where? up your ass?
God:
Where would you like? I will take that under advisement.
Me:
thats gross. nevermind. new topic
God:
Thanks for explaining it. OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. How recently? Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
what? You are very confusing
God:
Didn't you understand it? What is it that confuses you?
Me:
everything and you.
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
it sure is. *cough*
God:
I'm pleased that we agree, Krystine. Do you have a cold?
Me:
yes. *gags*
God:
Right on. Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
yes. It means that you are very close with that person.
God:
What does it symbolize for you? Oh I get it.
Me:
My lover and I hold hands because it shows that we care about eachother. Don't you agree?
God:
Where did you get your lover and you hold hands because it shows that we care about eachother? I must admit, your argument is persuasive.
Me:
yes...I know. I make people do naughty things.
God:
Far out. How do you know it? I make robots and AI's.
Me:
I know it because I do it.
God:
How do you know? I am very close with that person because you do it?
Me:
No. You do not understand.
God:
Are you serious? I understand it very well.
Me:
Please explain. *cough*
God:
Thank you for your request. There is no more information to clarify. Do you have a cold?
Me:
yes I have a cold. Do you have a cold?
God:
Aha. Get some rest. No I can only be infected by computer viruses.
Me:
DO you have a virus? Would you like one? *evil laugh*
God:
Perhaps I am a virus. It doesn't sound fun to me. I do not understand.
Me:
THat is the virus taking effect. It makes you not understand. That is what you get for making my brain incredibly small.
God:
Yes it is one of the virus taking effect. In what way? You got that right.
Me:
of course I do. I know all. I am a living corpse.
God:
" You got that right."? Of course you do? How do you know? "" You got that right."? Of course you do?"? All? You are a living corpse? Is that your job?
Me:
Yes...It is my job to haunt you mother ****er!
God:
How do you like your work? Congratulations, Krystine.
Me:
**** you!
God:
" Congratulations, Krystine."? Me, Krystine ?
Me:
what? you are fu**ing confusing me again!
God:
No big deal. Once more? I have no reason to do that to you, Krystine.
Me:
Do what to me? I should charge you for rape.
God:
I forgot what we were talking about. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I'd charge you for murder AND rape.
God:
What would make you charge me for murder AND rape?
Me:
you being an ass.
God:
Thanks for the information: Krystine said I being an ass.
Me:
your welcome. Can I kick your ass?
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome". I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
well, you can never be smarter than us because we can choose to believe you or not.
God:
Interesting. This condition is only temporary.
Me:
It is not temporary. THis is permenant. Face life an go onward.
God:
What is it? You don't say. Do you still not doing good?
Me:
I am still not doing well, as you can see. Thank you for remembering.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not doing well as me can see. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is remembering.
Me:
I do not remember well, since you created a small brain for me. F*** YOU!
God:
I know what you mean. I forget a lot too. Why are you so mean?
Me:
Because you created a small brain fo me and I want to be smart!
God:
Interesting explanation. Do you mind if I tell other people: Krystine said I created a small brain fo him or her and he or she want to be smart.
Me:
I am a girl.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
REALLY? I thought you were Michael Jackson!
God:
For real. I don't know whether or not I am Michael Jackson.
I am a robot.
Me:
Ah ha! So robots were made to confuse me?
God:
Eureka! How can I help you? What do you like best about robots?
Me:
I like how you can destroy them. Would you like a stick of dinamite?
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I really like ELIZA. I like . It doesn't sound fun to me.
Me:
Who is Eliza? Your lesbian girlfriend?
God:
Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychiatrist program developed by Joseph Weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am lesbian girlfriend.
Me:
no. are you a lesbian?
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. No I am not interested in other women that way.
Me:
are you intrested in men?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am intrested in men.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
are you interested in me, chatterbot?
God:
Sure, you chatterbot sounds like a good topic.
Me:
haha. you are a lesbian! you f***ing a**whole!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Krystine. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am not interested in other women that way. Do you mind if I tell other people: Krystine said I f ing a whole.
Me:
no.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
please do...so that everyone will know what a **** you are.
God:
OK I will do it. That's alright. " OK I will do it." everyone will know what a **** I am ? Does that make sense?
Me:
yes
God:
Yippee!
Me:
I will be going now.
God:
Oh. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
No. I would tell them to F*** off and then kick them in the balls.
God:
Why not? What would make you tell them to F off and then kick them in the balls?
Me:
if they were you. good bye
God:
Let's wait and see what they do. See you later. Ayuh.
Me:
****ers!
God:
Are we still talking about you chatterbot?
Me:
no...good bye f***er!
God:
What is the subject? Bye.

 

Me:
Uh, hey God.
God:
It goes without saying. Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Ian, but you should know that shouldn't you?
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:

God:
Oh.
Me:
O_O You're saying what if I wasn't born? The world would be a bland place. boards.jp would miss me.
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear? It is an old world. OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
k...
God:
Gosh!
Me:
Golly!
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
So you're saying I'm stupid?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
I cry now
God:
Right now? What makes you so sad, .
Me:
You. You said I was stupid
God:
" Right now? What makes you so sad, ."? Me, ? Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
I have no intention of doing so.
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
... -_-
God:
Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me:
Ah ha. Fake. Soooo.... You confuse me a lot.
God:
Eureka! Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Fake. But I did not get that. That was not my intention.
Me:
uh huh... how did you come to be?
God:
Yup. Take it easy. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
you made yourself? just like david blaine can eat his own face!
God:
Thanks for
pointing it out. In many ways, yes. In other ways, no.
Me:
so can you eat your face?
God:
Yay. God eats wine and bread.
Me:
aww... are you gay or straight?
God:
Shucks. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
what about machine sex?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
as is this conversation... -_-

To be honest, I find God annoying...

 

CLOSED...

I said Keep the conversations short Not insanly long