Child Abuse

This is a good journal entry..

People often ask me these questions. I am here to answer them

Q. Why don't you leave?
A. No where to go..she wouldn't let me anyway, already tried

Q. Call DHR they will help!
A. No matter what she does to me..I can't do that to her.

Q. What does it feel like?
A. It feels like i'm alone every where I go..and no matter what I do it's like shes behind me about to hit me..it's just this bad chip on my shoulder.

Q. How do you deal with it?
A. I listen to music.get away from the house as often as I can, think of my dad and how he'd think of me better if I took it like a strong person.

Q. Can I help?
A. Just be a friend..Just be a friend..

Q. Do you hate her?
A. No..



Those are asked of me all the time, when there is so many peope in the world who get mistreated more badly than I do. I know a few off the top of my head. It's so sad..I hate the world and it's stupidty some times.

MY POEM

Abuse
Abuse is being beat
every single day you wake
and being critisized, untill you cry
of all the tiny mistakes you make
Abuse is unforgetful neglectance
that makes you want to believe
that the love that you strive and try to get
you'll need but never will recieve
Abuse is a cry for help
that nobody bothers to hear
a life you try to hold and try to control
but can't quite get the wheel and steer
Abuse is a child's mind gone to waste
that gets more and more extreme
every time their put down and thrown down
for just wanting to have a dream
Abuse is a problem
that none of you bother to fix
long term wounds un-healed, teenagers killed
and you tell me you won't fix it?
Abuse is a pain no one wants to feel any more
no more black eyes, so bad you can't see
no more being beated, nor mistreated
Abuse is wanting to be free..

You know sometimes I wonder where i'd be and if i'd be different if I wasn't in the current state I am.. I mean would I be preppy? Would I ever get online Would I have lots more friends..? What would happen? What would've happened if my dad had never died? Would momma has gotten better over time?..sometimes you know you wonder about what couldn've happened and what would've of certaint things had never happened, but you have to stop thinking about it once in awhile and come back to reality and realize that life is always going to have ups and downs. Even when it gets worse than it should be you need to focus on whats going HERE and NOW instead of what happened in the past..jesus this reminds me of Ishizu Ishtar and Seto Kaiba ^^

Today was OK, past this morning. I cleaned the house. Slept a little bit, declared my undying love for Eoni. LOL and picked with Ashika a bit. Today hasn't been emO for once. Even though I haven't smiled i've still felt this calmness inside today. Like emptiness. It's a weird feeling..sorta the feeling that hit me RIGHT after my dad died. Not anger but being empty. Yay

im done, getting me name changed to Peachy ^^

Love,
Tiffany