Depressed, will feel better in the morning

General mood: somewhere between depression and anger at the world in general


I would like to say that I'm sorry. Crushes are frivolous, stupid, illogical things that a person like me should not even bother with. I'm sorry to any party that ever is involved with anything that I think might be "love". The world is full of people that either 'like' me or couldn't give a dam about me.... love is some foriegn crap that the rest of the world says is good. You should not mistake the amount of money I spent to make my fish happy as love... rather it is me taking responsibility for my own stupidity and greed. A living thing needs care regardless of the reason I decided to buy it.

Maybe I'm tired of people putting their ideas on me. Maybe I'm tired of everyone trying to force me towards their expectations. Maybe I was born smiling, does that mean that I can't ever be angry or sad? Just because I'm smart I can't have moments of stupidity or immaturity? Everyone is shocked when ever I utter a curse word. Every time I raise my voice I'm yelling. I'm supposed to be happy wether I find happiness or not. God do you know how many times people have said, "You should grow your hair out"? How many times people respond to me that I'm cute or pretty when ever I say something like "I'm ugly"? Why don't you wear contacts? Why don't you take better care of yourself? Why do you say such things about yourself?

I hurt inside and want to reach out, yet at the same time I want to push everyone away... Why? Why am I the way I am? I wish I could make my parents happy, my friends happy, everyone happy...

 

Sometimes ugly ducklings

Sometimes ugly ducklings just grow into ugly ducks....

 

And sometimes you just need

And sometimes you just need some help from your friends.

Don't listen to other's ideas about what you should do or how you should feel about yourself. If you think you need a haircut, then get a haircut. If you think you're ugly, then you just think you are ugly. Don't think what everyone else thinks, think for yourself, and if someone asks you something like why this and why that, its just because that's what you think about yourself. If the answer isn't what they want, then just say that its what you think and you're sticking to it. Hell, I think I'm ugly but some people think I'm not. I like how they are cheering me up and maybe they're just trying to cheer you up. But even then, stick to what you think and don't follow what everyone else thinks about you.

If you think love is stupid, then you think that. But you can't always say that that's that because you're using words. Its always going to be something that either has a deeper meaning or if it just does something else all together. I'm not really sure what you're saying from the first things you said but from what I see, you think that love is just something that's stupid and you haven't been in love from the sounds of it. Here's a real question, have you been in love before? And I don't mean any crushes either, I mean the kind that you wish you could be with someone, to never leave them and never hurt them. Love isn't just a word, its something that has a deeper meaning than that. I don't know if you've been in love before but if you haven't, then you won't really understand what I mean by yet until you know what it feels like. But when you do feel like just being with someone, one person, and never leave them or hurt them...then that's what love feels like.