Creative Writing dragon wars

I just curious on others opionon on this stroy I'm writeing on you can Criticize it or not if evryone likes it i will write more so far I have 3 chapters written
side note some words are ment to be spelled the way they are an dthe format is different because i copied it from a floppy

Dragon Wars: Legend of the Seven
Prolog​

The year is 759 war has now consumed the lands of Dragen, Facen, and Seles and as well as many neighboring Island and their kingdoms. It is a war between light and darkness good vs. evil an never ending battle. If these nations fight as single armies they will lose the battle against the demon gods armies. Leaders from every nation kingdom and villages got together and formed the pack of light leaded by seven great warriors with powers unique to their style of abilities. there was Kyo Ryu a master
swords man he had the power of darkness an ability that is said to be evil and he should not have been able to join the forces of light, for it was said that he was an assassin. second was Kris firestorm the only known person that could match Kyo’s skills he was
the master of lightning and thunder or so called the god of thunder. the other five elements were Ice, Wind, Water, Fire, and Earth. In order to Get these seven elements they must pass a test of courage and indurance. Some will have to face their worst fears for one he will face the enemy of his past the one who has haunted him ever since the day horrible day.

[CENTER]A passage of the seven orbs of power from the book of legends

Imprisoned in a block of stone hidden within a shrine of the earth
Floating amongst the clouds of the seven winds
Buried in a mountain of the immortal flame that will never die
Drifting in the seven seas beware of its guardian beast hidden in the deepest abyss
At the highest point high on the cliffs bolts of pure energy will rain down
Sealed in a tomb of water no man shall pass through the wall of snow
Lurking in the shadows of the past those who enter will become tainted and will never return to the light unless evil is in their heart. [/CENTER]

When these orbs were reunited there power would defeat the evil of the land and the world would be safe until the next battle of light and darkness. But something went wrong the demon god put a curse upon the world that he would return and bring the
known world into darkness in two thousand years he would return with his armies. Taking his threat the seven warriors left and formed their own kingdoms or to live a quite life. All around the world the story of the army of light and the seven heroes were told. With the warning the high priest of many countries started to teach the people and
preparing them for what was to come. But as fate would have it with the passing of the years the people and the high fathers forgot all about the war of light and darkness and the demon gods threat. All documents were lost in many battles and the last remaining ones were in the language unknown to the people of the world.
The years is 2756 AW it is only has been six years after the war of the dragen campaign the war was between the Sanada empire and the Country of Dragen both were large countries and both had large armies soon the other countries, kingdoms and island took sides some where even split down the middle on their allegiances. The war ended with the death of the emperor of Sanada and his daughter took over and put a truce between the two warring nations. She invited the two fighters and many of kings to seal the truce. The young queen even invited one of the fighters to be by her side and rule with her in this new land but he turned her down and left but she said if he needed a favor she would be their for him.
It is also three years until the demon god will return slowly his old armies are gathering their forces at the base of the Basen mountains they are being brought together by the demon gods dark warlords and his new followers they act like a cult recruiting new members. They have already gathered enough to make a small army and have enough influence on many kingdoms, Though some see them as evil and using their power to do evil. But the time has come for new heroes to rise and meet this growing threat and to defeat this new evil they must all journey across the world finding the seven orbs of power hidden from the view of man. To earn these powerful orbs they must face there own dark secrets and what haunts them their inner demons. A past for some of them they don’t want to relive, for one a past of evil and darkness a past memory that will bury the man’s fate in the sea of darkness It’s his past that will haunt him until the day he dies or face it and discover the truth of what happen in his past that he tried to forget.




Chapter 1
The Job

In a far of land of Seles one of the many countries who were allied to Dragen and fought in the battle of light and darkness It is late afternoon the sun is high in the sky brightening one of the many courts in Dragonfire two men dressed royally one was dressed in a white silk shirt with a yellow and blue vest and a dark blue coat and cape at his waist was a katana. The other man was dressed in a white silk shirt also and a black vest he wore a black over coat with a symbol of a dragon in gold silk the man also wore a wide brimmed hat like a fedora style with a western style it also. He had a katana held behind his back with both arms resting on it. Both are in a deep conversation about something their pasts are enter twinned with each other both been friends for a few years since the were about thirteen years.
Slowly the man in blue turned to his friend and asked him a questine about something. “ Hey Steve should we go ahead and take the job or not we have nothing better to do?”
“ It’s better then doing nothing like going to other kingdoms and meeting other lords, kings, queen, and so on.” replied the man called Steve
The man called Steve stood about 5’11 he had light tanned skin a stern face that has seen many battles. His eye’s looked greenish gray color he had medium long hair but was hard to tell because of his hat. Steve seemed to be about 25 or about 26 years old but
with the thin mustache he looked some what older he was semi muscular but it was hard to tell because of the cloths he wore.
“ Yea I get what you mean Steve.” replied the man called Kody stopping and turning to Steve who was still walking. Kody was about 6 foot he had short spiked brown hair tanned skin but of and Indian decent. His eye’s were a light hazel brown color he had also a small mustache and a goatee. He had a medium body that was pretty well muscular and looked stronger than Steve.
“ Hey you want another rematch or what.?” asked Kody bring out his sword and taking a stance of the Nikaidou rugi heiho ( left handed sword technique)
“ I don’t know you know of the out come.” replied Steve bringing up his
sword.
“ Yes I know but we have the time to spare and we don’t have nothing better to do.” explained Kody
“ Very well lets go.” answered Steve taking his stance of the Mumyou Jinpu ryu satusujin ken
The two friends quickly charged one another as they neared the center of the court yard a circle of wind blew out as they reached the center of the court yard. Both fighters swords came in contact with each other metal grinded against metal throwing sparks as the blades came contact with one another. The two fighters were very skilled
each one could counter the other with another attack. Steve quickly sheathed his sword and drew his sword in an vertical slash with such speed that was unnatural for a human. Kody saw this and he brought up his sword to block it but the strength and the force of the blow through Kody back and slammed into a tree hard shattering it.
“ Damn was that a new attack?” asked Kody rubbing his head
“ Yes its the new technique of the Mumyou Jinpu Ryu Satsujin ken the Dragon hurricane claw the force of the blow and the drawing speed it creates a large vortex that will spend a blast of wind that will cut you.” replied Steve putting his sword
away. “ But I have the ability to control the power of the attack I can make it knock a person out or kill them”
“ Rumors have it is that your a demon for your skills are to good for a mere human to have.” said Kody standing up and brushing off a few leaves.
“ The Buraitou katana.” “ The sword of lightning have you yet to master it.?” Steve asked changing the subject quickly
“ No not yet the true power is a little to much for me but I am able to use its hidden technique.” “ And you with the Murasami blade the sword of darkness and the murasame the sword of shadows?” Kody asked him
“ The murasami blade and the murasame the sword of shadows a can use
the full power of it. But the murasami blade the sword of darkness the power is still to
great for me to use it to its full power not after what happen last time.” Steve whispered turning to Kody
“ Hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you remember what happen that night.” replied Kody putting his arm around his shoulder.
“ Ever since that battle with the demon Katotei I was not able to use it to save her only a person of evil Nature can use it to the fullest.” replied Steve
“ Yea but you saved all of those other people there including me that has to count for something.” said Kody
“ But couldn’t save the one I loved I couldn’t save your stepsister.” replied Steve give a little sigh

 

Proper grammar, proper spelling, proper paragraphing, and an original plot are all missing.

I'm sorry.

 

thanks for the tips but the actual story was originally 7 chapters and counting but I added more to the other chapters and it came from another story that I wrote for my newspaper class and I redid it

 

I don't see what that has anything to do with my criticisms...

 

Okie-days. Lesse what we can do here. You seem pretty new to the whole writing thing so let me see if I can slip you a few pointers and give you some advice on this story.

#1: Proper grammer, punctuation, spelling, paragraphing, (those things Neph was talking about?) are all very important. Much of your story is cut up and confusing because your writing is all over the place. Spell check and Grammar check will be your best friend. Use them, frequently. It will help improve the quality of your story exponentially.

#2

Ok, see what you did wrong here? The two elements have an explination, they have characters and a small plot behind them. The rest have nothing. You just exonerated two elementals and completely dropped the ball on the other five. If they're not that important don't include them in the story. Otherwise I would recommend fleshing them out at least a little bit. Give them names, personalities, give them at least a image we can attach to them, otherwise they seem forgotten and neglected. I would also restructure this paragraph a bit to help with the flow. I would go something like

"Among thier ranks came an asassin, a man by the name of Kyo Ryu, who was known far and wide as a master bladesman. Within him he carried the powers of darkness, an ability inherently vile and wicked. There were many who feared Ryu and felt he had no right to fight alongside the just and righteous in their war against the forces of darkness."

A little cliche, but it flows better than before, ya?

Try this:

"There was only one who could match the skills of the assasin blademaster. Known as the Lightning God he was a legend among the land. He bore the name Kris Firestorm, and was hailed as the true leader of the seven elementals."

...Or what ever. Break sentances up, add a little bit more color and depth to what is being said. Use more adjectives and give the story some demensionality.

Did that make any sense at all?

Blatent forshadowing. Don't be afraid to be a little more subtle, a little more clever.

Also poetry usually has a cyclic rythm or "beat". It doesn't always rhyme but it follows a pattern. Your "poem" doesn't really follow a pattern of any sort.

Periods- use them. This is a run-on sentence and not the only one. You have seven ideas floating about in one sentence. Break those ideas apart and elaborate a little bit on each one. Help build up the history leading up to the current events.

2756 - 759 + 3 years Does not = 5000 years. Unless my math is wrong you may want to clarify that.

Also the main character's name is Steve? That's a rather conventional name in an age so predominatly mythical. You have all these fantastic characters in these lost lands of myth and lore and the lead guy 's name is "Steve." Wouldn't "Ray" have been more fitting?


This is still in it's "baby" stage I assume, right? Go over it a few more times, rewrite it a little bit more. Add more descriptions and space everything apart. It feels a little bit rushed, but everyone starts off like this. I think the plot will work. Everyone has to start somewhere and the plot of the first story I ever wrote was about the same. Try to slow things down and pace it out a little and it will come out much better. Practice makes perfect. If you keep putting time and effort into this it will only get better.

 

A passage of the seven orbs of power from the book of legends

Imprisoned in a block of stone hidden within a shrine of the earth
Floating amongst the clouds of the seven winds
Buried in a mountain of the immortal flame that will never die
Drifting in the seven seas beware of its guardian beast hidden in the deepest abyss
At the highest point high on the cliffs bolts of pure energy will rain down
Sealed in a tomb of water no man shall pass through the wall of snow
Lurking in the shadows of the past those who enter will become tainted and will never return to the light unless evil is in their heart. ​

it is a riddle to show where the seven orbs of power are hidden

 

Ok, so they're in a rock, in a floating palace or on a high mountain, in a volcano, in the ocean, on a tall cliff with bolts of lightning and frozen in ice. BIG RIDDLE.

And why are you ignoring everything else wert said?

 

Could be re-editing you know. No one is perfect.

I would run it threw a grammer checker and speller.

The passage should be italic.

Names is a big help. Demon God army, name of book and etc.

 

It's common courtesy to acknowledge the criticism. All shinigami did was try to defend his "poem".

 

I'll post the rest of the stroy later on Don't have grammer check on the computer so have to do it by hand. thanks for all the tips you guys and girls it is very much appreciated

 

Show us you appreciate it by incorporating the criticism into your next chapter, if not rewriting the first entirely.