Feelings

Yeah, I'm going to be talking about my feelings in here. Its something to talk about at least while I'm here.

I've been on here for a long time during the passed few days and I've been thinking about a lot of things. Many things have happened at home, things I'm not going to forget any time soon. I've been depressed most of the time with trying to make my mom happy but it just doesn't seem to work most of the time. She had a break down, she was crying for a while....and at one point, I thought she was going to leave the house and not come back. When she went into the car and brought our little dog with her, I really thought she was leaving. I cried for most of the hour, at least that was what it felt like to me, but only mintiues had passed before she came back home. I didn't stop crying after that until after a few mintiues later. I'm better now, though I don't know how much better I am. I keep thinking that my mom is going to leave me and I'm not going to see her again. She says she's not but I just have this gut feeling about it.

I've also have my times reversed, I'm sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. It was one of the reasons my mom cried about. I've tried to not do it but I some times can't go to sleep even when I try. I've gotten better now at sleeping through the night but I've lost count on how many hours I've sleept through the day in the passed few weeks.

Yeah, all of this sounds personal but I just felt like writing about this. I love writing, in fact, its the only thing that's really kept my mind off of things. I bearly do anything else but play video games but that's not helping much. Writing seems to be the only thing that's really helping me. I feel like crying some of the times because of things. I could've told Ally about this but I didn't really know how to even start out about it. I felt like telling someone, anyone if I could. I really wanted to tell Ally because I thought she would at least listen to me, but I also wanted to tell someone else. My dad isn't helping much with things around here, he just stays up at night like me. The only thing I've really seen him do is work on the dial-up. My mom and I don't even know if he still has a job as a cab driver any more, or even if he has any job for that matter.

I may just be depressing everyone that reads this. I wanted to tell, not just one person, not a few but everyone that reads this. I felt just like talking.

Ally, if you're reading this, I hope you liked the pictures I sent you. I know you're depressed about your bird dying or you may just be over that now. I didn't want to really trouble you but I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to make you happy by at least making you laugh or something else like when I sent the pictures. After this, I might not come back on for a while, maybe a day or two. I think I'll send time with my family. Take care for a little while. I'll be fine.

 

I cant really think of one...

Hey.. sorry. Its really hard right? Thinking youll never ever see her again. And there is nothing you can say to make it better... even if you say youll do anything its still not enough... you just have to get past it. Even if it means hiding in your room for a few days. Cause,trust me i know, its hard when you feel like everyone is counting on you. And you dont want to, you want to be a kid (yes a kid, cause the truth is, your still a kid and im still a kid(dont forget that)) So you have to tell her this.. tell her you are tired of worrying she will never come back, because you need her. Saying you need her well do alot. Saying you dont... well she will never forgive you. Even if she says it.. she cant forget. (I know..)

If you ever need to tell someone... im always here. Always.

 

User18...

User18... just shut up

 

Don't worry, k?

Look - this is NOT something you can do on your own. It's like if an ant tried to save a sheep from a river. You guys need PROFESSIONAL HELP. Do you really think it's NORMAL that your mother cries all day and wants to leave the house? You haven't even stated the REAL reasons for her wanting to leave. I'm sure there's more to it, but you think it's NORMAL so you don't mention it. Call it domestic violence, verbal abuse, or who knows - I don't know how a normal day in your life is. But YOU do.

The problem is, when you've been living in a cave for all your life you don't know it's dark. You just think IT'S NORMAL. Until you see the daylight of course. You seem to think that all families are like yours one way or the other, and you think all people get depressed like you do, and you call it normal. But guess what. It's NOT.

Don't think that things will magically solve themselves one day, because they won't. It's like when a clock is broken, the gears don't turn right, they crack and don't let the clock show the time. Will the clock magically work one day? No, it won't. It needs a repairman to change the defective gears and help the clock work again. It's the same with emotional problems, the relations and behaviors are the gears that need to be fixed.

So please, do your whole family a favor and seek professional help. And yes, I know it sounds like a cliché, but face it - some problems require a psychologist or counselor. That's what they are for, are they not?

You'll realize you don't need to get depressed to help your mother be happier.

God bless.

 

I hope everything gets

I hope everything gets better. I don't think there is anything I can say that would truly help you. Just remember it will get better. And I hope everything gets better.

Sleeping has bother me also. Try throwing in a Ghibli movie if possible. They have such low and calming music. I can't sleep without Howl's Moving Castle.

User wants to face my wrath.

 

You aren't helping you know,

You aren't helping you know, luvweaver. Ialready know all those things and I didn't state any reasons because then I'd just be talking about more personal things here. I made this because I wanted to talk about it. I can't talk to anyone else because I'm just a kid here that can't really do much.

And don't think that I'm just someone that thinks that everyone else's family is the same as my. Just talking about that is more rude than someone stareing at someone else because they look weird.

And don't even start talking about how things can be fixed. You'll be able to do those things because you're older, but I'm just 13. I can't do some things like adults do plus I don't know half the things you all do.

And the reason I'm depressed some of the times is because my mom cries. I'm not trying to get depressed to make her happy. I'm, trying to do things that will make her happy and don't even ask how.

Thanks for the 'God bless' but everything else you said just didn't really help. Think of how you were when you were a kid, were you able to do all the things you are able to now. Well, that's the position I'm in.

 

Basher....

Thanks. Its getting better over here. I'm finally sleeping through the night now and I'm not as depressed as before. Maybe I will try to find the movies you're talking about.

Anyway, thanks again, Basher.

 

Thank you, Mark

Thanks, Mark. I've been doing stuff like that. I've been swimming with my mom for the passed few days now and its getting better. I'm trying to do all the things you talked about and its going good.

Thanks again.

 

Oh, sorry.

I really don't know what to say, I think I screwed up. I just thought that there could be a way to find some help. I mean, can't you tell your mom to seek help herself? Perhaps she needs to listen to your point of view, I mean, how worse can it get?

In my experience most of our limitations aren't because our age or because we don't know stuff, but because fear doesn't let us take some steps we need to take.

But maybe i'm just babbling. I'm sorry. Hope things get better.

 

My dad

I'm the only real thing that's keeping my mom here at home. If I wasn't here, my mom would have moved away from here long ago because of my dad. Like I said, things have gotten better over here and my mom says that if she was going to move away from my dad, she would bring me with her. But even then, we wouldn't have the money to live off like now. She would have to work two jobs and I wouldn't see her very much like I would want.

I didn't say this before but one reason my mom was depressed was because of my dad. He pays for the bills and my mom pays for the food. I'm not going to say anything else about my dad because that would go agaisnt my own thoughts I'm trying to keep. He's a jerk over here but he's my dad and without him, I wouldn't be here right now.

Even with knowing something, doing it is the problem. That's why I wanted to take action to make things better over here, I just didn't know what to do. Now I'm here, posting this and hoping for advice. Many of you have already said things that have helped like doing sports with them and stuff like that. Its really helped.

 

Hey man

Hey man hang in there. I know how you feel. I have not had this very same expeirience but I have had somthing close to it. Just hang in there, things will level out you'll see. Oh and I am not trying to be a priest to everyone who will read this seems how they think I am a bible hugger but Lance. If you trust in the lord everything will be all right....promise ^^

 

...

Well.. its hard to know what to do cause everything as a bad side. If you trys to get help from other people.. they might take her way.. and helping her yourself isnt going really well.. so this is the only advice i have Lance... Hang in there. Wish i could do more to help...