Saber Marionette Hide you children... Darkie's written another FanFic

Yessir, this here is a short little Scary Story fic I'd been working off and on with for the past year. I've decided to preview it here prior to releasing it to the wild. Since FF.net is retarded and screwed with my pre-post ed, I've provided a link to the 55k Zip file. This is the original as it was meant to be read. It's a .doc file so I hope no one will have any problems reading it.

Questions, comments, concearns can be sent to my e-mail, my private messages here or you can find me on AIM. The SN is around here somewhere...

Also, if anyone likes what they read and would like to host it (Fanfiction.net style, not as a zipped file), get ahold of me. I'd love to have it posted somewhere else other than nappy FF.net...

If you have troubles downloading it, remember it's coming off of Geocities. I probably exceeded my capacity for whatever reason. Just wait a little while before trying again.

Happy (belated) Halloween all

[edit] It's officially up on FF.net now. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2157751/1/ I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. [Edit]

~the wert

 

Cool story!

I didn't read it _ALL_, just some bits of pieces. Still, it reminds me of the movie "The Ring".

You know, by changing some bits and pieces you could turn it into a non-fanfic.

Very good narrative, by the way! Gee, I don't want to think what would happen to MY fanfics if they had as much descriptions as yours. (yikes! they're long enough already! )

 

Bits and pieces, eh? Like the pieces of... never mind.

I read it last night. I was expecting a short, maybe 3-4 page long fic, but I open it, and it's 36! Anyway, I spent an hour reading it, and I liked it.

But here's a question. Involving minor spoilers.

Spoiler: The fic

How did you picture the creature in your mind? I saw it as a big blue demon with blood-red eyes, long claws and fangs, and a malicious/insane grin on it's face. It looked pretty cool, though it was a little scary at the same time.

 

Boo!

Spoiler: Reply to fic spoilers

There's a reason why I was vague about the monster's appearance. One of the things that creeped me out about this story when I first heard it was that it never actually described the monster. It left the monster itself up to the reader's imagination- which was sure to be far more terrifying than anything I could write. So I went along the same lines here.

 

Great! But not so scary.

Good
I enjoyed reading it. It is written very well.

Bad
Although I'm not a S.F.P.C.A.H.M member, I'm against to your Hanagata's jokes. The voodoo thing was too cruel, these 'angels' wouldn't enjoy that.

 

I thought they were mildly amusing, but yes, I must agree. It was unnessesary, and Lime, Cherry, and Bloodberry would likely not take pleasure in it, even if it's Hanagata. Still, it would be a useful method of punishment, should he try anything... likely to cause anger.

 

Hanagata is a character to have fun with...

._.

Thankee
I sure hope it's not too scary. It was more of a fun little distraction.

Umm... It was just meant as a joke, amd little else. Realsism really didn't have any place. I was just having some fun. It's situational humor where the absurdity of it all is what makes the moment golden.

Besides, considering Bloodberry's character, I think she would.



S.F.P.C.A.H.M. ?

I have a tough time trying to take this seriously. Hanagata's character was built a fun "Punching Bag" tool, for the three doll's to vent some of thier steam. In a world full of men, he's a humorous look into the more "romantic" side between the men, and thus something for the girls (and thier version of love) to ricochet off of.

Where do you draw the line? As a matter of fact, where is the line? Where's the distinction between playing character and stomping on Hana as a joke?

Case in point- the original SMJ, when they were testdriving those "flying machines" by Gennai, and the helicopter helmet went horribly wrong (helicopter helmet + sturdy tree = dehydrated Hana 6 feet into the ground.) ?

Now what's the difference between that and my little voodoo joke? Isn't abuse by any other name still abuse? I think the series stomps him alot harder than I do.

At least he kept his bodily fluids this time around.


I think this is worth building a whole other thread on!

 

Hmm, in this case, the line is between to get rid out of him when he's anoying and having fun with somebody's suffering. Sorry, but even animals don't deserve this.

I'd say even less if it's Hanagata, he's is their friend.

 

As I’ve already mentioned in my “official” review for this story of yours at Fanfiction.net, this story of yours is truly a great one, Dark Phoenix!

As about me, I see the monster in my mind’s eye as being only slightly larger then human (probably somewhere around 2 1/2 meters, or 3 meters at the most), although it would seem larger because of its heavily muscled complexion and huge leathery wings. Its skin is dark brown in color and its eyes glow with dim blood-red gleam. Its mouth is hidden behind a mass of short tentacles and it has long and obviously very sharp black claws. In short, it looked pretty scary and very dangerous, but…

Spoiler: The Ending

…I guess its demonic strength was still nowhere near Lime’s.

Also, I admit rather enjoying Hanagata’s voodoo joke… *LOL* …And I must say that sometimes Otaru’s “angels” aren’t as innocent as they seem to be, especially when Hanagata is involved. Occasionally they (mostly Bloodberry, but Cherry and Lime too) give Hanagata some rather severe punishment for very little reason.

Well, actually, as far as I remember, the only time Fruit Salad girls seemed to REALLY care about Hanagata was when he was about to be taken away from them and… Ano… I never could shake off the feeling that loving Fruit Salad girls just didn’t want their favorite punching bag to be taken away from them… ^_^; ...In short, it was a great and hilarious scene! Bravo, Dark Phoenix!

 

Meh

Your words are too kind. Thank you. I'm glad to see at least one other person likes my little Hanagata joke. I guess this brings me to my next point- It's officially up at FF.net. Hurray!! [Children Cheer in background]

 

Do itashimashite!

Do itashimashite, you are welcome, Dark Phoenix!