I don't trust you....

What am I? How do I feel? I really can't say right now. The tree... that's what does it; putting up the tree pisses me off, specially when I want to watch anime.... mandatory to be down stairs and doing christmas decorative type stuff. I never feel the spirit when she is whining and complaining.... I do make donations to the Salvation Army, holding up my dad today at Sam's so that I could put a few bucks in the kettle. That sentence doesn't quite sound right, oh well.

People often tell me to stand up for myself more... I've always been rather quiet(except around friends). It's kinda funny though, the people who care about me are pushing me to stand up for myself... in doing so are they truly any better than the other people? Hahaha.... I rarely stand up for myself... I'm afraid of hurting others... plus what people say to me tends to contradict what they say later.... my sister for instance, once told me to not care about what others think of me... she pushes me around as much as everyone else. She expects me to care about what she thinks of me... If she didn't then why else would she say the things she does to me?

Why should I trust people? Why, tell me for what reason should I trust people when they say they love me? People tell me to stand up for myself but the same people wouldn't like it if all of the sudden I stopped doing what they "asked". People only care about you in order to get something in return... Equivalent exchange you might say... but to the unwary, lies can seem like the real thing. Maybe I over react... okay I often do, but if you truly cared you would learn to expect that. You see, my moods can lead me to see the world in black and white... with tones of gray in between. There are times when I am so happy that I feel as though I could hug everyone, that somehow everyone has good in them, that inoccent "they can't all be bad, right?" look at the world.... Then there are other times, when I'm depressed. All I can remember are the memories that make me sad or angry. I can't trust the world. I don't know their motives. Why shouldn't I think that they didn't mean to hurt me? It hurt all the same, intentional or not. I used to keep all of that hidden. I was too reserved to let anyone know what I was thinking. Maybe I never truly trust them... Maybe I never truly trust myself...



to be continued?

Comments on Comments:
Hmm... Wert you're amusing... I only see floaters... They just tend to drift across my field of vision, annoying things that they be. Hurray for scraping ice of the car? Hmm must be fatigue... poor Wert, maybe I really should send him cookies.

Aww I didn't know you were color blind... =( that must be no fun at all.... Well it is better than being blind though...

Haha Wert doesn't know how terrible my vision is... Oh well.... I hate fleas so maybe I shouldn't bother trying to find these elusive zebra goblins... I'll stick to finding the things that make noises when I am trying to sleep...

 

Well it's not that bad really. It might be "dull" if a normal person went colorblind, but this is all I've known. There's nothing for me to compare it to so that I could call it "dull".

On the plus side, I can watch black and white TV with no problems.

 

[smacks across the back of the head]

See, you're over analyzing again when the answer is as clear as day. When people tell you to stand up for yourself it means that they are upset to see you always down in the ground taking all the flack from those who think they have more self esteem than you. We want to see you rise up against everyone who uses you or who walks all over you. Everyone cares about what those whom they love think about them. We're all telling you to not to care what those who seek to use you, or those who use you and abuse ya, think.

Standing up for yourself is the act of trying to preserve and defend your own happiness. We don't want to see you all mopey, dropey, Emo because you let others ruin that happiness ya got. If it makes you happy to make others happy then by all means go for it. Just don't let yourself lose that joy you get from lending a hand when they begin to ask for too much too often.

That is standing up for yourself my dear, Jackabee gal.

[Steps down off soapbox]

Floaters? Isn't that something you'll only find in the bathroom? I think I'll leave that one right there and move on.

As for the things that make noises at night it's probably the vile "Wicker Weevils". I had a run in with those guys back when I was in Greece. Just lace your bed in Garlic, wear odor free deodorant, and dress in green when you go to bed at night (they hate green!). In Greece it got so bad that I had to resort to a blow torch made from three Aerosol cans, a tube to toothpaste and enough duct tape to cocoon a man. The Queen Weevil was so big that she very nearly ate my moped. It was like David and Goliath, only Goliath was a massive, pustulating Weevil Queen.

But was I afraid? Not in the least. While all the guys I was with were quivering in terror I stood up, raised a finger and said- "You're reign of Weevil noismaking terror ends now, Queen, for I am the great Wert!! Warrior of the seas! Tremble with fear!!!

Needless to say I saved the day in a glorious fashion and we dined on Weevil stew the following night.

Yes, indeed, Weevil stew with a sprig of nutmeg on the side.

~W