look at me..

heh, look at me now. I was so happy a few days ago. My mom..eh. I tried telling her how i felt for once tonight. It never helps..I know my mom has lost alot..its not right i should be more nice and actaully do more..im worthless and selfish. WELl i mean i have been in the past. But the last few days ive been doing everything to make things right..she wasnt the only one who lost someone..i lost my dad. 3 of my grandparents, one of my best friends..all in just three years. Its messed me up so bad.. but look at me, im not hurting the people who are kin to me. Their like the only ones left..id never hurt them. I almost hate my sister..but then again, ive felt hate so much i dont know what th difference is between just being normal. ugh..i know this entry is incredibly emo..but you know? right now i AM EMO.and depressed, i have one of the best reasons right now..im sitting here snotting on myself, heh crying..thats just something i hate doing. but all the times i didnt are really coming back to me, really you guys..i am very mental and i never reallly bothered to ACTUALLY REALLY admit it to myself. Cuz im just Tiffany...whenever i do something wrong im Tiffany..whenever i make mistakes im..Tiffany..me..just me. I can't say someone else is making me miserable when me being happy is up to me. Heh, i always confuse myself. Ill sit here and tell myself all night its my moms fault and in the morning ill tell myself its my fault that im like i am.. but eh, life has turned for me.. im starting to stop worrying about my moms duty to me and what my duty is to myself..ehheheh im doing it again..hehehehhe im just weird..arent i?

well i talked to Micheal(Mike) for 3 hours again today..he was rather nice today.i just love telling you his o so great wake up calls

Micheal: heyyyyy
me:..yo..
Micheal: you awake
me:..uh im talking ain't i?
Micheal: yea, but you could but just dreaming, i could be just sitting here as your dream best friend...
Me: ok..thats just stupid
Micheal: HEY KoRn is on.. wanna hear it
Me: sure
Micheal: *children of the korn in the background* im bored..
Me: so am i.. but too bad i couldnt be asleep right now being bored
Micheal: you are asleep
Me: stop that
Micheal: why?
me: im tired
Micheal: so am i
Me: O really?
Micheal: really
me:.....


gawd i love that boy, i dont know why but i do^_^. Im trying to get him to come to BJP. He told me he thought Naruto was pretty good. He doesnt really like coming online. I love to, but hes got a ass Aunt that hes leaving with..or whoever hes staying with..GOD why does he have to stay there!!!?? Man it bugs me. Tyler is kewl but i miss having someone at my locker 24/7 and someone to make fun of when I!I! have a bad zit. I think ive got a pic we took last year ill scan and show ya'll and Tyler, i have like four pics of him..had one of Ben got mad at him for flirting with my sis and deleted the bastards. Gen has seen it,..he hates pretty boys..so do I. But im strangely attracted to the mean guys, i just love them for some reason.(u) eh well thats enough later lovers

Blue

 

awwww i'm so sorry - i think i can relate... i didn't actually lose someone, but i've been very depressed in the last 3 years, it's fading, but i still remember how it felt...

so... *hugs* hope you feel better.