Creative Writing Metal Angel

Discussion in 'Written Arts' started by artemis836, Oct 14, 2002.

?

Is this song/poem any good?

  1. Yes

    7 vote(s)
    70.0%

  2. No

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%

  3. It's ok

    3 vote(s)
    30.0%
  1. artemis836

    artemis836 Vampire Slayer

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    Here's a song I wrote about R. Dorothy Waynewright:

    Metal Angel
    Lyrics by Artemis836 (4-23-02)

    Metal wires instead of nerves,
    Whirr of motors when she blinks her eye.
    Palish skin and angelic curves,
    She is not human if she cannot die.

    Body without a soul,
    Or soul without a body.
    Body without a soul,
    Or soul without a body.

    Isolated from humankind,
    Frightened girl in a metal shell.
    She is more than her programmed mind,
    A loveless life is a living hell.

    Body without a soul,
    Or soul without a body.
    Body without a soul,
    Or soul without a body.

    To tell the truth I can not tell!

    For your my metal (your my metal) your my metal angel,
    Reviving dead emotions deep inside of me.
    Your my metal (your my metal) your my metal angel,
    And to my dark and broken heart you hold the key.

    Your cold dark eyes are mystifying,
    I feel the longing in your stare.
    I'll bring you joy or die while trying,
    Screw what other people think I do not care.

    For your my metal (your my metal) your my metal angel,
    Reviving dead emotions deep inside of me.
    Your my metal (your my metal) your my metal angel,
    And to my dark and broken heart you hold the key.
     
    #1
    artemis836, Oct 14, 2002
  2. KaMeKaZi

    KaMeKaZi Insanity$%#

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    its ok.. but it be interesting to hear it with music and a good voice.. then you could realy get the true feeling for this song to know if its truely good or not..

    KaME
     
    #2
    KaMeKaZi, Oct 14, 2002
  3. Mika-chan

    Mika-chan New Member

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    I agree with Kame...
     
    #3
    Mika-chan, Oct 18, 2002
  4. keence

    keence New Member

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    I think the song is great it realy showes a dark side to a song.
     
    #4
    keence, Oct 18, 2002
  5. chibivampysk8r

    chibivampysk8r New Member

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    its really great. i luv it.:)
     
    #5
    chibivampysk8r, Mar 3, 2003
  6. Sango-the ex

    Sango-the ex New Member

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    Cool

    I think this is a very creative song! I know that I could never write a song this good!! Awsome song!! You need to write more!!:cool:
     
    #6
    Sango-the ex, Mar 28, 2003
  7. Rebos

    Rebos New Member

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    Cool!

    me like it^^:D
     
    #7
    Rebos, Apr 19, 2003
  8. ::ZodiacStone::

    ::ZodiacStone:: New Member

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    Me likey Me Likey!

    I only had to read the first few verses and I was hooked but of course I finished reading it and I think with music and and good voice it could be REALLY good! ^^
     
    #8
    ::ZodiacStone::, Apr 19, 2003
  9. Spike

    Spike New Member

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    the lyrics are nice and creepy i wonder in my head how it would sound when he or she or it or they or them or w/e sand it
     
    #9
    Spike, Apr 20, 2003
  10. Quistis

    Quistis New Member

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    WOW!

    I liked it, it was creepy and cool.
    I think that you are good I make up songs all the time, but not anything that good.

    Go artemis!!!
     
    #10
    Quistis, Apr 20, 2003
  11. artemis836

    artemis836 Vampire Slayer

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    Hey thanks all!

    I just finished writing out the music in Finale Notepad. I hope to record the song soon, though soon can mean anything for me I have a tendency to take forever to do things, and I'll post a link to the song if and when I record it.

    You guys rock, thanks for the support.
     
    #11
    artemis836, Apr 21, 2003
  12. ::ZodiacStone::

    ::ZodiacStone:: New Member

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    I wanna hear it when you're done!!! :)



    This is my 100th post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):D :) :p :D :p
     
    #12
    ::ZodiacStone::, Apr 21, 2003
  13. lou

    lou Guest

    OoOoo..I really liked it. Thumbs up for another original work.:D
     
    #13
    lou, Apr 26, 2003

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