Creative Writing my fiction story, well part of it

i dont know how to make this into a zip file, and im at school. so im gonna post the beginning of my story in here and i guess add on to it as the days go by.

this is called "the forest walkers"

In the year 2097 the world "Earth" as we know it has gone to hell. the stock markets crashed once more to take down millions of companies. People went ballistic as soon as they found out they were worth nothing. People lost all faith in religion, government and life itself. Then a small military group, "Red Falcon", had decided to take over as the new dictatorship in world. They got together and started going on rampages, taking down small towns that had been built, over the corpses of before. Small towns stood no chance against the ever-growing Falcons. As they grew more powerful, they started up bases all over the country, soon growing into massive facilities doing research tests and such, trying to make the perfect soldier. Twenty-three years later, in 2120, a group of rebels had grown against the huge dictators, fighting guerilla warfare, killing hundreds with car bombs, fire bombs and guns. Soon this rebel group was noticed as a threat to the stability of "The New United." They were givin a name, "RAD", standing for Rebels Against Dictators. They took a personal liking to the name, as with every killing and destruction, their sign was left behind. A pigs head on a stick. In the year 2148 A new leader came upon "RAD". His name was Octavius Ceasar, a great powerful leader that not many people new about, nore had heard of. But somehow, when the past leader was dying, Caeser was told he inherited this group.

Im done now since my class is almost over, so ill finish the intro when i get home. tell me what ya think so far

 

I am myself an avid writter. My philosophy is always point out the good and the bad, before I do that, I wish to let you know so far I like your idea very much and for a rough draft it has started out very well.

I always like starting with the good, so here it is:

(1) A great idea on RAD and the dictators, ect.
(2) Gets the point across clearly, if briskly.
(3) Has a lot of potential.

The above may not seem like a lot, but it truly is. I know I go through several revisions before a finish product emerges. I also know how hard it is to actually get someone to tell me what is wrong with it, so through what I'm telling you next is the things I wish that people would tell me. It is for learning and maybe you can even improve your writting.

(1) There is at least one misspelling. There might be others, but I was just looking for the obvious. It's not really a misspelling, its just the wrong new ... you are wanting to use knew in the sentence

(2) There are some grammatical errors. I know when I first start out the last thing I think of is grammar and spelling errors. One is the fragment

The proper way to do that is to lower case the a and add a : after the sentence above that.

(3) This needs to have more added to it. What caused the crash of the markets? Why did it make the people turn away from the government/religion/ect? Is it really realistic that Red Falcon gains that much power in 23 years? Why does RAD go against the dictators? Is it logical that not many would know about this powerful leader Ceasar? (I believe Ceasar is supposed to be Caesar if you are wanting the man's name itself, but I might be wrong on this one).

The most important thing is to ask yourself these questions. I'm sure you can get at the very least three full paragraphs, maybe even four out of this for your prolouge (this is what I am assuming it is). One would be the crash, second would be the Falcons taking over, three would be RAD and Ceasar, and the fourth could very smoothly run into what Ceasar has started doing in the world. That fourth is optional and this is just the bare minimum of a prolouge, but not a bad one at all. It would give a decent amount of information in able to set up the story.

Keep writing, I can't wait to read more and maybe I'll get to read your revisions as well.

*The N00B*

Seiri

 

Heh, I really do think it is a wonderful idea, and I know just how when you're writting you really don't think about the grammar, spelling, usage, ect. How I write (and I'm just assuming that others use this "tactic" as well) is get the idea down and then go back over it and fill in the empty spots.

My main reason for the above mentioned within my previous post is to just give an oppinion on how some of the revisions can be done. I wish that more people would give me the same because then I believe that ones work can then get to its full potential.

One thing that I like is rather then just pointing out areas that need work is telling why it needs work and then suggesting an idea. I believe this is constructive critisism, but to tell the truth, I really do not understand what constructive critisism is

Once again to the author, I can't wait to read more on your story.

*The N00B*

Seiri

 

Thanks for clarifying that for me. I basically thought that was what it was, but rather know for sure then go by without knowing.

Thanks a lot.

*The N00B*

Seiri

(This wouldn't be considered off topic, would it? I don't think it is, but I'm still trying to get the rules straight here on M2A ... I think I'm on 1 too many message boards, but oo are they addictive!)

 

Hey Alucard666,

I like what I have read so far. It needs some tweeking, but overall, the idea is sound.

One way to avoid the simple mistakes would be to write your story in Micro-Soft Word. Once there, just use the grammar/spell check features.

I am looking forward to your next installment of the story. Perhaps some indept details of the main characters.

Nice work,

VM

 

sorry i havent updated my story, i havent had time, but im gonna type mass in word and then try to put it on here this weekend

 

Ooo, goodie! I can't wait to read it! ::jumps up and down and claps her hands together like a child::

I know how it is with managing time and writing stories; I'm currently working on one myself. They are so much fun, but they also take time and patience. I think that your story will turn out remarkably well and make sure that you don't put too much pressure on yourself to write otherwise it'll turn out bad.

Catch you later.

Seiri