My life on BJP

I've been on BJP for a pretty long time. Not as long as some people, of course, but quite long as it is. About a year and a half.

It feels like longer. Even though I only joined mid-2004, I feel like I've been here forever. I'm not complaining about that, boards.jp has had the *most* positive effect on me, and on my life. I am and always will be very glad I joined.

Now, let me tell you a story. It's a story about one man. One man, and his life, on boards.jp.

It started in June, the year, 2004. It was the middle of the month, and diploma exams were fast approaching. At this time, one person, a fan of the anime Saber Marionette J, had been searching. He'd been searching for more information, more material, on his then-favorite series. This search eventually led him to Castle Japoness, a website owned and operated by one BakaMattSu. In truth, he'd found that site several times before, and had been keeping up on the fanfic stored there, Saber Marionette J vs. M.

Finding nothing new of interest, he started to browse away, going first to the links page in hopes of finding a new site to browse. Finding mostly sites that he had already seen, there was one banner, one at the bottom of the page, that he didn't remember ever visiting before. Deciding to go ahead and check it out for himself, he came across what he later discovered to be a forum. It was in fact, boards.jp. Thinking it could be an interesting site, he decided to register. Using his spare, spam email address, this man thought for quite some time over what name he should register under. He'd used other names, in the past, among them being Sefka (a cross between Kefka and Sephiroth, of Final Fantasy 6 and 7, respectively), Ebony Dragon (culled from a monster in the video game Vay), and most recently, Saint Ebony, a derivative of his older name, Ebony Dragon.

Feeling like none of these suited, as though all had become boring to him, he eventually decided on a name. It's unknown now how he decided on that name, or where he got it from, but this man, finally registered under the name Shinryu.

Now, at the time, I had only a dim idea of what boards.jp really was. I thought of it as MangatoAnime for some time yet, before stumbling across [thread=13006]this thread[/thread]. Not realizing it was months out of date by that time, it was only then that I started trying to think of it as boards.jp, instead. I figured I had to, because otherwise the url might die and I'd be left out to lunch.

I had been a fairly n00bish newbie, coming here I hadn't had much idea of what a forum was, and like everyone else, I neglected to read the rules. Well, I did my best, and though I made a few mistakes, I'd grown to enjoy being at MangatoAnime (as it was in my thoughts) quite a bit. I'd been limited to spending one hour per day online, because I had not internet access at home, and could only get online from the public libraries on the way to work.

Still, MangatoAnime, later boards.jp, came to be my most visited website, I'd come by every day I could, usually this meant an hour at a time, before work, Monday through Saturday. Being that the library was closed on Sundays, it was the best I could manage.

At any rate, I'd been slowly growing myself a place in the world of boards.jp. Learning as I went, I became a better and better user. At one point I'd given Nephilim_X bad karma for a very old post. (No, I don't remember which post, sorry) He was upset about this, despite my weighting being very small at the time (I was worth 1 point ) Well, I recieved a private message from him, demanding that I "owed" him good karma to make up for it. Not knowing any differently, I told him I would return it as soon as I was able. This constituted about a two month period of him sending me intermittent PMs asking when I was going to get to it. I ended up finally "making it up to him" shortly after my weighting had increased to an almighty 2 points.

There were other exploits I'd become involved in, among them being the infamous [thread=14400]Five Word Story[/thread] thread. I later found out this was the second time my name had been mentioned in the Moderators forum, Amon Sena had brought me up both times, both in relation to another member who'd been involved. Not mentioning any names, the thread was eventually locked, and I was forced to move on.

This, more or less, brings us to early September, 2004. I was fast approaching the coveted Power User status, being short only the amount of time necessary to achieve it.

Enter one Jedimdo. Up until that time, things were pretty normal, pretty unassuming. This young lad (he's older than me ) came in with the answer to a long standing question, finally solving the phrase I had long ago posed to boards.jp inhabitants. Well, being as we were by then both quite taken with Cherry, from Saber Marionette J, we turned to rivalry pretty quickly. It was looking pretty bad, though rather amusing . Luckily, we decided on not fighting and became friends, instead. For a long time, I considered him my closest friend.

Things had been going fairly uneventfully afterward, with Wertitis later joining and the foundation of the Cherry Fanclub, and little more of note occuring for quite some time. The first major change happened in mid-January, when I finally managed to get my new computer online. This marked the end of the age of libraries for me, I haven't even been inside it since.

By this time, I'd become fairly well known, people were recognizing me and I wasn't so much a newbie anymore. By this time I'd grown quite attached to boards.jp, it had long since become one of my favorite places on the net, second to none. Imagine my surprise, and my joy, when on February 13th, I was made a moderator. It had all started with an [thread=16812]Outlaw Star forum request[/thread]. In a remarkable stroke of luck (good or bad) it was that same day that former moderators Arcueid and Meaikoh, resigned from the team, leaving me a unique opportunity. I became the sole moderator of not only the Outlaw Star forum, but also Books, Card Games, Humour, and Trigun as well. It was quite a lot to take on all at once, but I did it gladly, enjoying and loving every second of it. Who'd have thought that in such a short time I would be in such a position?

Taking on my new position with relish, it began a somewhat new phase of my life on boards.jp. While it was in fact largely the same, it greatly expanded my awareness of the forums in general. I became more active as I discovered forums I had not paid attention to before. I became more popular as people started talking to me. These were halcyon days. I was popular, I had responsibility, I was entrusted with an important position... I was happy. There was not much more I could have asked for, then.

Most of this time passed pretty inordinately, mostly routine and unimportant, though my vacation in May to Toronto caused some interest. It was then that I met Nephilim_X, described in [thread=17570]this thread[/thread].

One night, close to my one year anniversary on boards.jp, there was a group conversation on MSN, in which former member Sebastien (also Arcueid) had been brought up. Foolishly mentioning his MSN address, (as I had known it due to another telling it to me), everyone in that conversation proceeded to add him to their contacts.

This primarily comprised of Kagome's Arrow, wing_goddess, and myself. The four of us became friends, talking every night, often long into the night. It was not a few times we stayed up talking until Sebastien could see the sun rising. This was the beginning of the third era of my life on boards.jp.

Well, as July was drawing to a close, I had found myself falling for one of the members of our little group. Wing_goddess had somehow captured my heart. I expressed this to her, and was met with (what I believe) was mild surprise. She didn't tell me no outright, and so I believed I was looking at a very good thing.

This was the beginning of my descent. My meteoric rise to fame would be met with a meteoric plummet to infamy.

Now, this period was very stressful for me, and the circumstances of the largest portion of it are very personal, so even now I am not going to share them. For this I cna only offer my apology.

At any rate, I'd been banned on August 25th, a day in which I was away from home on a trip to Sylvan Lake. Completely oblivious to anything amiss, I had enjoyed myself quite a bit, while there. I had not known I would come home to the most heartbreaking truth I'd ever see.

When I did make it home, I'd spent a little while watching an episode of Air with a friend of mine, before I got a message from Kagome's Arrow, informing me of what had happened. Sending my friend home before he found out, I checked the site for myself, to be greeted with the standard "No Permissions" page, no matter where I went.

I broke down and cried. Before it had happened I was growing rather angry with a lot of people on here, and it had become difficult to speak without sounding so.

Afterward, I just cried. Though I had said I was going to leave, and willingly, coming home and finding myself banned had been more hurtful than any of the words I or anyone else had exchanged. For four days, I could do nothing but wallow in the pain I felt as a result. More than once I cried myself to sleep. I'd been blinded in my anger, and I had lost sight of just how much the place, and the people here, I'd lost sight of how much they'd meant to me.

On the morning of the fourth day, August 29th, I awoke to a message awaiting me in YIM. It was from Cloud, and it was quite short.

jgbreslin: Hello, Shinryu, I've decided to reduce your ban to one month. It will expire on 9/29/2005.

Was essentially the message I recieved. Upon reading this, I felt a mixture of pain and relief. Knowing that I would be unbanned, but that it would not be for a month, I didn't know how I would manage. I'd gotten to the point of considering... drastic... measures during the prior four days. I know I'd never have actually done it, but I had been toying with the idea. I couldn't imagine a whole month.

Finding out that I could still browse the forums if I went from a URL that didn't have my password saved, I watched the forums, every day. My browser was not closed for a longer period of time than a few minutes for that whole month, and I was careful to keep one page opened to my profile, just because.

This was a transformatory period, for me. I battled depression as never before. I'd talk endlessly about how I missed being on boards.jp. At one point I'd made myself sick because I wasn't taking proper care of myself. I wasn't eating properly, I wasn't sleeping enough, it was no real surprise when I found myself downed by illness.

Around the middle of September, the halfway point of my ban, I'd found that I could no longer stand to look at my name. I'd feel depressed, even to the point of feeling sick, just seeing it in print. Even now, it's an unpleasant word to me. Having used several names by that point, I eventually decided on using my newest name, Ragnarok. It had come up due to an upcoming rebranding of another forum I'm on. All the staff will have to change their names, to reflect the changes being made. The name I had come up with, was Ragnarok. I'd already been using it for some time on my own forum, but it wasn't until then that it really became me.

The rest of my ban passed much the same as the first, though I didn't become ill again.

September 29th, 2005. I'd had it timed down almost to the minute, when I would be unbanned. I was determined to stay awake and watch it happen, even though it wouldn't occur until 4 am. I'd been prepared for the longest time, I'd waited for so long, I knew I'd have to see it happen, if only to cut short the waiting time by that little bit.

3:58 am. Zanza and I had started talking. I told her how good it would feel to be back, how much I missed being here, and with tears in my eyes, how I was waiting for the exact minute to pass.

It passed. Shuddering a sigh of relief, since inwardly I hadn't been completely sure it would happen, I saw the "Banned" tag disappear from underneath my name. I logged in for the first time in over a month. I'd resolved to change every field in my profile. I removed all the things I'd added before, to replace them with newer, better entries. I took these as my avatar and signature images:



Afterward, I sent private messages to everyone I had been at odds with, apologizing for my behaviour. Some very hurtful things had been said, from myself and from others, and I couldn't bear to think they might still hold it against me. I recieved responses from most of them, all of the responses I recieved were along the lines of it being good to see me back. There was one person who didn't respond, but from the looks of things, they've long since gotten over it as well.

Then, I set to getting caught up. I had had 321 unread threads, and even though it was late at night, I didn't want to miss a single one. I read through every thread, every response, and I made a number of my own. I didn't even fully realize just how much I'd missed being here until I was back, and posting again. Every post I made felt really good. I felt happiness, and relief, and joy all at once, with each time I hit the submit button.

Yet, there was one problem. I couldn't bear to look at my name. It brought all those painful thoughts back to the surface every time I saw it. Luckily, I noticed Cloud was online at the time, so I quickly sent him a PM, asking him to change my name. I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy boards.jp with a name full of so many hurtful memories.

As the night was becoming the morning, the joy of being back gave way to exhaustion. I'd have loved to stay longer and to have spent more time, but I'd gotten so I simply couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Still, the happiness hadn't diminished by morning, and I found I had posted a total of 30 times in a single day. I'd been so happy to be back, at one point I was even hyperventilating. I had to breathe into a paper bag for a minute or so and try to calm down.

This marks the end of Shinryu's life on boards.jp, and the beginning of that of Ragnarok. I've since become known to be "the most obsessed user," I've been said to have a physical attraction to this place, all in all it's pretty much agreed that I need to be here.

Since then, I've seen, and known, a lot. In my time on boards.jp, I've seen so much of it, and its history. I've seen it at its best, and I've seen its worst. I've seen so much of what boards.jp has to offer, and I've found out a lot.

Boards.jp is in a decline.

Though it has ever more members and ever more posts, it is not the site it once was. Though I enjoy being here more than I'm sure anyone else, I've found it's still not the same as it was. I don't believe this is on my end. I've noticed the largest portion of the users posting and active now, were not around last year. In fact, as far as I can tell I'm the only non-mod left that joined before 2005.

Now, I mean no offense to those who are a part of said group, but the people who were here before, are deeply missed. The people who have made MangatoAnime what it was, and the people who have made boards.jp what it was in its wake, are no longer here. The site has lost the character it once held, and sometimes it seems only a shell of its former self. This is why I have chosen the following song as its theme song.

Bahamut Lagoon - Zauzer

I can tell you now that I am not going to abandon this forum, this place that has grown to mean so very much to me. I am not going to let it go down without a fight, and I am not going to let it die. I know there are remaining long time members who are planning to leave, and I feel badly about it. I know and understand your reasoning, but if you leave, with the reason that everyone else has left, what remains? If everyone leaves because everyone else leaves, what is left, nothing?

These are the thoughts of Ragnarok, of Shinryu, of myself. My life, my experiences on boards.jp. I hope you've enjoyed reading them as much as I've enjoyed living them. Know that if I had but one desire, it would be to remain here, it would be for boards.jp to always be its best, and to always be in its prime, and for myself to be able to live through it all.

 

Damn your history essays . Nice and Long just how I don't like them ,But of course I read through the whole thing. I won't leave. I can't stand to be away from BJP for more than a day cause I consider a large portion of these people as family..for some strange reason . Well ttyl Rag <(so need to find a better nickname)

 

True, most of the non-mod people here are new. But that doesn't mean BJP is dieing. It's just changing. BJP is evolving a new generation of old posters, who are currently very young for the most part.

And then, we shall use the strength of the young posters and the wisdom of the older posters to take over the internet! Bwahahahahahaha!

And as for nicknames, maybe Raggy or Nar.

 

No offense to you guys, but if I could go back to 2004 with the knowledge I have now, I almost would. In fact, if I could have joined in 2003 or 2002, hell, 2001, go the whole 9, I'd do it. I don't think BJP is dying, but I think it's nowhere near the forum it once was.

As for nicknames, Raggy or Rags works, I find them both amusing.