Recreation my story (gimme feedback)

Legendary Swordsman Hiroshi
"Stop moving you fool!" a man yelled out on a very hot day, even though the day was hot four men were fighting in the middle of a large field. The wind was heavy and the grass beneath them was beginning to move quickly. A large strong man named Hiroshi drew his Broad Sword, "If you fools want to quit you may, but I won’t let you go that easily." Hiroshi yells at the other men in front of him. The two men were not large in stature but were large enough to strike swords with Hiroshi, the man in front of Hiroshi was named Aromya, he was a cocky man who couldn't accept losing to Hiroshi. The other man was named Tyriopaya; he looked over at his partner and lunged at Hiroshi's partner. To Hiroshi's surprise he saw that his partner Arataka was not at his best, the fight had exhausted him and he couldn't fight anymore, even though he was unable to fight back, he had to defend himself or he would die. Lifting his Katana up to the starting position he began to block anything that Tyriopaya used on him, but that was not enough to stop Tyriopaya, after every attack that his enemy used on him Arataka just could not hold on any longer. Hiroshi saw this and began to run towards his friend, before he could make it to him a sudden attack from behind stopped him in his tracks, he felt a sword slowly go into him, Hiroshi looked down and saw a dragon imprinted on the sword, it was Aromya's sword. Hiroshi began to feel a bubbling liquid coming up in his throat, red liquid came out of his mouth, coughing it up he got down on the ground and he looked over at his friend. Tyriopaya was still showing trouble defeating Arataka, Aromya seeing that his weak partner could not kill a weakened opponent, decided to help out his partner. Arataka did not see the other man coming towards him. Before he knew it he was stabbed in the back, Arataka could feel that he was going to die. Hiroshi he used all his strength to get up again, the wound affected him dearly and he couldn’t walk for too long, but he had only one thing on his mind, revenge.

As he slowly stood up the men that had slain Arataka looked behind them and began to chuckle to themselves, "How could this man, in his weakened state defeat us, we are unbeatable!" Aromya spoke aloud to his partner Tyriopaya. "Are you sure that you want to continue, you might end up the way your partner did, and that is not the way to go." Tyriopaya yelled out to Hiroshi, but even though their words were hurtful that only maddened him more, "I'll cut them both in half!" Hiroshi thought to him, "Their own mother won't even recognize them after I’m done with them." Hiroshi lunged at Tyriopaya, he began with a deep downward thrust, which surprised Tyriopaya, and he stopped it but just barely, for the attack had cut his leg and deeply so. Tyriopaya got down on a knee for the wound had startled him, Hiroshi attacked yet again, this time he moved to sever the head, Tyriopaya couldn’t stop him, and in few moments had lost his life to Hiroshi's blade.

Hiroshi turned to Aromya and chuckled to himself noticing that Aromya was surprised that he had lost his partner Hiroshi spoke aloud to him, "Now you know the true feeling of loss, let this be a lesson to you, think twice before killing another human being." Aromya's face turned pale, he than looked at Hiroshi and his partners dead, decapitated body. Aromya turned around and ran back to where ever he came from.

Suddenly Hiroshi's world began to grow dark, everything began to spin, Hiroshi knew that he was ready to die. He fell to the floor and he blacked out.

"Wake up," Hiroshi could hear the faint sound of a woman's voice, "Wake up brave warrior!" The voice was getting clearer now, Hiroshi could not believe it, was he in heaven, or was he still alive? "Wake up your alive." Hiroshi slowly opened his eyes and he saw a beautiful young woman, her face showed signs of tiredness, her eyes were as blue as the sea, and her hair was as brown as the tall maple. He couldn’t believe that such a heavenly beauty was of this plane.


"Where am I?" Hirsohi said aloud to the vision in front of him, "Just in a farm, about 30 minutes from where we found you." The beauty spoke to him, "But Arataka is he O.K.?" Hirsohi frantically said. The beauty pointed to a bed near by, the bed was made of wood, on the wooden bed was a large bed-sheet, this sheet was white and had spots of blood all over it. Was relatively large, and fit in with the wooden house. Hiroshi lifted the sheet and what he saw startled him, he saw the pale head of Arataka, and he could feel tears burning in his eyes as he saw the bloody, pale body of Arataka. Hiroshi picked up the body of his comrade and began to carry him out in to the yard, as he left he stared off into the distance as he looked at the room and its features. The room was made completely in wood, there was a slight smell of Thyme in the air, and there was a large Vase of Roses, Violets, and Tulips. To Hiroshi this room was as beautiful as the woman in it was. He could no longer see the room any more; all he could see was black. He blacked out.

All Hiroshi could see was the blackness of his own subconscious, until a light appeared in the top right corner of his sight, "What is that?" Hiroshi's voice ricochet off of some invisible wall causing a reverberated sound of his gruff voice bouncing off every nook and cranny of the room that he was in. The light got brighter and brighter until the entire room was covered in this mysterious light. He could now see the room that he was in; it was a room made of solid steel, the bolts in the wall were easily seen for they were all rusted. He then realized that he had been captured.

The room was incredibly silent. Even though Hiroshi was a fighter he still hated the silence, it choked out whatever sound was made with nothing. Silence meant to Hiroshi that danger was at hand. Then Hiroshi saw something out of the corner of his eye, it did not move. What ever it was Hiroshi knew that it was there. He got up and turned around slowly. He then found himself staring face to face with the enemy from the battle before. Aromya was glaring at Hiroshi, and gave him a crooked grin; "It seems that the corporation has some interest in you Hiroshi, because instead of inviting me they captured you. ? Aromya said with some anger in his voice, "The reason that you are here is because the corporation wishes to test their new toys on you. ? Hiroshi was completely confused. He looked at Aromya and asked, "What toys? Where am I? Why do they need me? " Hiroshi was beginning to panic, "Don’t worry, "Aromya said calmly, "The toys that they want to test on you is their newest kind of fighter. It is the most dangerous force on the planet, and it learns from your techniques. Its name is Troya. The corporation wishes for you to fight it. " Hiroshi looked at Aromya and said, "What if I refuse?" ? Aromya reached into his jacket, "Then you die!" ? He slowly pulled out his pistol.

Hiroshi got up slowly and walked out the door. Before he could react Hiroshi was hit with the Aromya’s pistol. Hiroshi blacked out.

 

Legendary Swordsman Hiroshi
Chapter 2

Hiroshi woke up with a jolt of movement. He quickly scanned the room and found that the entire room was empty, except for a large glass window in the top right corner of the room, Hiroshi knew what that was, he had seen it before. The glass did not seem thick but it was without a doubt. He knew that there were people on the other side of the glass observing him. He ignored his senses and looked over the room again.

To his surprise Hiroshi noticed that his sword was lying on the floor. Apparently these men watching him wanted to know what he was made of in combat, that was when Hiroshi realized that some how the people that watched him closely wanted him to fight someone or something for their own amusement. He slowly reached over and picked up the sword. To Hiroshi the feeling of that sword in his hands felt relieving. Almost as if he had yearned for the return of his precious sword.

Hiroshi could hear the sudden clang of a door opening coming from behind him. Turning quickly he again found himself face to face with Tyriopaya, ”We meet again, you know what Hiroshi, ” Tyriopaya said slyly to Hiroshi as he strolled around him holding his sword out straight at Hiroshi. Tyriopaya’s sword was brandished in his own home, as a sign of vigilance he grafted a dragon artifact to it to give it a new look and feel. The sword was still stained with blood and just the sight of it made Hiroshi’s blood boil, ”When I mentioned the corporation mentioned that you will be fighting Troya. I said to them, You know that I am the greatest fighter in the world, and they said to me that, then why did you run from Hiroshi? Well the fact of the matter is the corporation ended up moving in my will, but with a price, I am going to have to defeat your sorry sword while they all watch.” Tyriopaya drew his sword and yelled out, “Let’s begin!”

Without warning Tyriopaya lunged at Hiroshi with great aggression. Hiroshi even though his enemy had great anger inside of him, and was fighting for his own honor Hiroshi was not afraid. He chuckled to himself, “I don’t know why they are making you do this, but I can’t let you leave this battle field, metal or not alive.” Hiroshi turned and began to yell at Arataka, ”You are not fighting aggressive enough!” Arataka was taken by surprise from this show of bravery and stumbled backward. Hiroshi capitalized on this weakness and lunged his sword at Arataka. He quickly blocked the thrust with a quick slash, but the thrust made it’s way to the side of Arataka. “What?” Arataka said to himself, “He hit me, but I can keep going.” Arataka made his strength count with a hard slash to the side of Hiroshi. Hiroshi stopped it and again capitalized on the opening of Arataka’s side, ”What” Arataka thought, “He hit me again! I can’t be defeated by him, but he is just too fast.” Before Arataka could react he felt a sharp pain in his side, even though it seemed to him that Hiroshi hit his side, in fact Hiroshi had slashed his side. Arataka reached down and felt his side. He could feel a large gash in his side, and when Arataka looked at his hand it was covered in blood.

Arataka still holding on to his side pulled out the gun in his coat and looked at Hiroshi, “Now you see Hiroshi.” Arataka spoke out to Hiroshi; “Even if I die I am taking you with me.” Hiroshi looked at Arataka in astonishment, no one has ever pulled a gun on him before and this sight frightened him, Arataka saw the fear in Hiroshi’s eyes and capitalized on it, aiming his gun at Hiroshi’s skull Arataka fired. Hiroshi couldn’t move, even though he wLegendary Swordsman Hiroshi
Chapter 2

Hiroshi woke up with a jolt of movement. He quickly scanned the room and found that the entire room was empty, except for a large glass window in the top right corner of the room, Hiroshi knew what that was, he had seen it before. The glass did not seem thick but it was without a doubt. He knew that there were people on the other side of the glass observing him. He ignored his senses and looked over the room again.

To his surprise Hiroshi noticed that his sword was lying on the floor. Apparently these men watching him wanted to know what he was made of in combat, that was when Hiroshi realized that some how the people that watched him closely wanted him to fight someone or something for their own amusement. He slowly reached over and picked up the sword. To Hiroshi the feeling of that sword in his hands felt relieving. Almost as if he had yearned for the return of his precious sword.

Hiroshi could hear the sudden clang of a door opening coming from behind him. Turning quickly he again found himself face to face with Tyriopaya, ”We meet again, you know what Hiroshi, ” Tyriopaya said slyly to Hiroshi as he strolled around him holding his sword out straight at Hiroshi. Tyriopaya’s sword was brandished in his own home, as a sign of vigilance he grafted a dragon artifact to it to give it a new look and feel. The sword was still stained with blood and just the sight of it made Hiroshi’s blood boil, ”When I mentioned the corporation mentioned that you will be fighting Troya. I said to them, You know that I am the greatest fighter in the world, and they said to me that, then why did you run from Hiroshi? Well the fact of the matter is the corporation ended up moving in my will, but with a price, I am going to have to defeat your sorry sword while they all watch.” Tyriopaya drew his sword and yelled out, “Let’s begin!”

Without warning Tyriopaya lunged at Hiroshi with great aggression. Hiroshi even though his enemy had great anger inside of him, and was fighting for his own honor Hiroshi was not afraid. He chuckled to himself, “I don’t know why they are making you do this, but I can’t let you leave this battle field, metal or not alive.” Hiroshi turned and began to yell at Arataka, ”You are not fighting aggressive enough!” Arataka was taken by surprise from this show of bravery and stumbled backward. Hiroshi capitalized on this weakness and lunged his sword at Arataka. He quickly blocked the thrust with a quick slash, but the thrust made it’s way to the side of Arataka. “What?” Arataka said to himself, “He hit me, but I can keep going.” Arataka made his strength count with a hard slash to the side of Hiroshi. Hiroshi stopped it and again capitalized on the opening of Arataka’s side, ”What” Arataka thought, “He hit me again! I can’t be defeated by him, but he is just too fast.” Before Arataka could react he felt a sharp pain in his side, even though it seemed to him that Hiroshi hit his side, in fact Hiroshi had slashed his side. Arataka reached down and felt his side. He could feel a large gash in his side, and when Arataka looked at his hand it was covered in blood.

Arataka still holding on to his side pulled out the gun in his coat and looked at Hiroshi, “Now you see Hiroshi.” Arataka spoke out to Hiroshi; “Even if I die I am taking you with me.” Hiroshi looked at Arataka in astonishment, no one has ever pulled a gun on him before and this sight frightened him, Arataka saw the fear in Hiroshi’s eyes and capitalized on it, aiming his gun at Hiroshi’s skull Arataka fired. Hiroshi couldn’t move, even though he was an amazing warrior he still couldn’t move. Without either of them seeing it, something moved quickly past Hiroshi. Hiroshi looked himself over in his sword and realized that he was not shot, but a thought crossed his mind, “Where did the bullet go?” The only thing that he remembered was that the bullet was coming and it was gone. Suddenly the sound of metal clanging on metal crossed the room. There standing between Hiroshi and Arataka was the beautiful girl at the farm Hiroshi was at, “Fighting is wrong especially with guns. You are incredibly dishonorable if Guns are used.” She spoke out to both of them. She grabbed Hiroshi by the hand and began to run out the door. Before Hiroshi knew it, he was outside of the building. Hiroshi suddenly was overwhelmed by sleep and he passed out.
as an amazing warrior he still couldn’t move. Without either of them seeing it, something moved quickly past Hiroshi. Hiroshi looked himself over in his sword and realized that he was not shot, but a thought crossed his mind, “Where did the bullet go?” The only thing that he remembered was that the bullet was coming and it was gone. Suddenly the sound of metal clanging on metal crossed the room. There standing between Hiroshi and Arataka was the beautiful girl at the farm Hiroshi was at, “Fighting is wrong especially with guns. You are incredibly dishonorable if Guns are used.” She spoke out to both of them. She grabbed Hiroshi by the hand and began to run out the door. Before Hiroshi knew it, he was outside of the building. Hiroshi suddenly was overwhelmed by sleep and he passed out.

 

Legendary Swordsman Hiroshi
Chapter 3

Light began to creep into Hiroshi's subconscious, and he realized that eventually he would awaken back in the corporation’s building, but when he woke up he realized that even though he collapsed outside of the building, he woke up in the room of the woman. “Wha…whe…where am I?” Hiroshi said aloud. Even though Hiroshi knew where he was he still asked that question over and over in his head expecting an answer, “You are in my home now, Hiroshi.” a strange voice came out from the darkness, “Where is this home?” , Hiroshi called out, and then there was silence. Out of everything Hiroshi saw and knew only one thing scared him, silence. To him silence meant that something bad had just happened and he doesn’t know because the silence made him know nothing and hear nothing.

Suddenly the light of the room came on and he awoke from his black, bleak subconscious. He was in the mysterious woman’s room, the warm smell of thyme filled the air once again, and he felt his energy coming back to him. His eyes squinted because he finally realized that morning had come, “How long was I out?” Hiroshi asked, nothing again. Hiroshi slowly got out of bed and stumbled towards the door. He fumbled for the doorknob and he slowly opened the door. He looked down the stairs and then faint smell of meat and spices overwhelmed the air. His stomach grumbled as the smell grew stronger as he walked down the spiraled stairs. He realized that he had not eaten in two days.

As he walked into the kitchen he saw the mysterious woman again, this time she was cooking something in a large pot, “How long was I out?” Hiroshi asked again, “For two days.” She said with some sadness in her eyes, “You were very sick and you were so tired, so you just shut down. I stayed with you the entire time so that the sickness would get better before you got up; and as I see it has.” She said as she looked over Hiroshi. Hiroshi was surprised and his face began to show it, “Four days! I haven’t eaten in FOUR DAYS!!!” Hiroshi yelled. The woman laughed and motioned to Hiroshi to sit at the table. He sat down and looked up at her, she smiled and gave him a plate full of glorious smelling foods. Out of all the foods that he saw lying on his plate nothing seemed more tempting than the Steak, it was a dark brown and was covered in spices and other great smelling creations. This was grand to him, his mouth began to water as he dug into the food, and he heard the woman chuckle, as he heard this he got up and asked her, “What is your name And why are you being so kind to me?” Hiroshi asked still trying to swallow his food, “Well my name is Sakyame Yoromayaka, and the reason why I am being so kind to you is that you needed my help and I helped nothing more.” Hiroshi ignored the comment and continued eating. Even though he was eating loudly and disgustingly he could still here a slight sigh coming from behind him, “You know what, I’m Hiroshi Rayamaka, and I don’t say this very often but I am sorry for being so cold to you. One day I’ll make up your kindness with even more kindness.”

Hiroshi slowly got up from the table and he stumbled towards the door, he turned and looked behind him at Sakyame and sighed himself, “If only a woman like that were mine.” He though to himself, as he slowly walked out the door. When he made it outside the faint smell of Thyme slowly died, and disappeared. The warm feeling of home disappeared, and he did not know where or what that he was supposed to do or go, “Well if you want to pay me back you could do something for me,” He heard Sakyame say to him, “You can do all of these horrible dishes and some other jobs that I need to get done.” Hiroshi knew that she was just trying to make him stay longer he looked behind him and yelled back, “O.K., I will do that, I just can’t say no to a pretty face!” Hiroshi yelled back with a new tone. Sakyame blushed and quickly ran inside, confused Hiroshi began inside.

Washing dishes was no problem what so ever to do for Hiroshi. All he had to do was wash and then dry the dishes and it was absolutely no sweat off of his back to do. He quickly got the job done and started running up the stairs to where he knew Sakyame was. He walked up to her Auburn, Oak door and he slowly turned the gold plated door knob. As he walked in the room he noticed that the room was perfectly clean, not a single spec of dust was to be seen in this room, the smell of spices and other things that made Hiroshi’s mouth water flowed through the room. The scent took him back to his childhood, whenever he entered his parents room, it was as clean and as nice smelling as Sakyame’s room.

He looked around the room and noticed that there was a large bump in the bed of Sakyame and Hiroshi started walking towards it to fix the only thing that stood out in this room. As he looked down at the bed, he saw the most beautiful sight Sakyame. She was lying in her bed sleeping, her hair curled it’s way around her ears and her lovely face, her arms were cradled under her sides, she looked as beautiful as an angel would look if it was sleeping. The sight of her beauty astounded Hiroshi and made him believe that angels did exist and he was standing right in front of it.

He suddenly noticed that there was a slight twitch, and her body began to move, he realized that she was beginning to wake up, he quickly covered her with a blanket, and tucked her in. She looked up at him and said, “Hiroshi, I’m sorry I fell asleep, I’ll get up right now.” Hiroshi quickly answered, “No, you are staying in bed you need your rest. You are tired, now it is my turn to serve you.” He slowly got up to leave, before he could react Sakyame grabbed his arm and kissed his cheek, “Thank you,” she said as she slowly fell asleep.

Hiroshi left the room slowly and quietly so that he would not wake her. He realized then that he needed to get to work. He quickly stocked up the wood near the fireplace, and he cut some more wood for storing. He did many jobs, and he did them all without a care. After it was all over and Hiroshi felt up to it, he picked up his sword and went outside. When he was outside he drew his sword out and began to practice with it, the sword cut through the evening fog like a hot knife through butter. Sweat was slowly beading it’s way down Hiroshi’s face as he slashed and stabbed at the evening air. While he did this a flurry of thoughts flew through his mind, “Why do I have such feelings for that woman? Why did she come to save me? Why is she being so hospitable for a stranger? Why am I here?” The warrior puzzled for hours and fought the wind with an unsettled peace to himself. To him fighting was his life and love was variable to him. As he used to put it, “If love happens then so be it.” He would say that with pride any time he was asked by his late friend Arataka. He still wept for his lost friend.

Warriors never cry in that era of time, they never wept, they never sobbed, never felt emotions, but this is different. All of the emotions that he was supposed to keep hidden were coming out in force. He was weeping, droplets of tears flowed from his cheek and a lump swelled up in his throat as he remembered the death of his friend Arataka, “Arataka, why couldn’t I help you, I am a warrior, I should have stopped those cowards from slaying you.” Sadness could not be withdrawn now; looking straight up Hiroshi grabbed his head and screamed out the words, “AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAAAAAATAAAAAAAKAAAA!” He wept for days, pain welled up in his side, and throat after days of weeping. Hunger damaged him, and sleep struggled with him.

Two days passed. Life almost seemed to end for him.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

Well, you know my opinion but...

Sugoi! Kakkoi! Huzzah for the Musashiden! It's so cool! Hiroshi needs a piccy, methinks. Perhaps I'll draw you my impression of him. Hmmm...

 

THANX MEAIKOH YOUR THE BREST FRIEND A FENCER COULD EVER HAVE.........

 

I NEED A HUG

 

There there

(gives Musashi a hug)
It's otay now, people just don't wanna ruin your story by not giving it the full attention it deserves right now. It IS exam time. People'll read it soon.

 

hey

NO ONE HAS ANSWERED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

KOKKOI!!!! that was really good Musashi, but I want more ^^ you should make a manga of this methinks