Psychology Physical Discipline?

I was just wondering were you people thought about physical discipline. The reason is that a friend of mine lived for 16 years with people (her mother and stepfather) who believed in physical discipline. One night, a line was crossed and she was nearly killed. She lives with her father now, but her mother and stepfather claim it was discipline and that she tried to hit her mom. I've been really confused about the theory of physical discipline, does it teach kids to behave, or just scare them into submission?

 

I'm not really sure what to think of it myself. I've seen it scare children into submission, though. I've also read somewhere that it can provoke negative behavior in a child. What angers me about it is when parents use it in an unjust way. Some parents think physical discipline is the key to ALL misbehavior in a child, and I think that's just stupid, and very childish.

 

Physical discipline is a double-edged sword. But then again, everything is a double-edged sword, in the keeping of balance. For one thing, it may be the only way to get a thought across to somebody, no matter how cruel it may be. It may be the only way that the man who enacts the discipline knows how. Remember that the past did not take much other than physical discipline. People were regularly whapped for bad things.

However, as we see now, physical discipline is one of the easiest methods in which one can go too far. An incorrect hit in a vital organ is crippling, and could easily do more than intended. Physical discipline in one's life also passes on the hatred to the victim, who utilizes it later.

But, without physical discipline, how does one get an idea through? Psychiatrists rarely work, as those who go to them is more or less forced into it by parents, and despise the sort. 'Talking' works as rarely as psychiatrists does. The proven way to shove a point in one's face is to directly display the consequences, and see as he or she learns the lesson if surviving. After all, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. Of course, satisfaction will not be there if there's a dead body left.

Physical discipline is one way of showing consequences, which may be lighter than the true consequences in the future. A whapping would probably be preferred over being allowed into a nuclear reactor, if you think about it.

My two cents.

 

Spanking for kids up to about age 8, no more. And obviously there must be some restraint within the spank so it doesnt really hurt the kid for hours and hours. Everything afterwards should not be physical. Besides, I can think of a lot of things worse than a few moments in pain.

Of course the spank can only be used after something the kid KNOWS is bad - like stealing cookies. Not crossing the road without looking both ways (he doesn't realise the consequences such an action could have).

 

i agree with Neph with the spanking to the age of 8, especially the part about the child knowing what it is they have done wrong. i know some parents who, after watching their children do something wrong for some time, then suddenly explode into a rage with their children - who have no idea that what they were doing was wrong in the first place.

i think physical discipline is necessary though, but only up to a point. then it's down to the parents to be mature in their discipline of their kid/s.

why would a kid be in a nuclear reactor?! could you explain this a little more please? i'm not sure i understand what you're saying :sweat2:

 

I also agree with Neph.

After that age, it’s just Abuse. Misconduct, whatever. Its one thing for parents to spank, but in many cases they do go too far, and use it as a way to relive anger or stress. And then the reason for hitting the child is no longer out of punishment. And you should never hit an adult. Spousal abuse is not only wrong, but illegal.

Sometimes I think that verbal abuse is worse. I always thought it was worse to get lectured or yelled at by your parents than to be beaten. When i was little i thought it was worse to be isolated in your room for an hour. I mean you’re a kid and kids like to be "free".

My parents spanked me when I was little . . . nothing too bad. . Not with a belt or anything, just to get the point across and that was only till age 7. I think that when kids are beaten with a belt, I find it to be too much. Sometimes a spanking is a good thing. But that’s it. No other form of physical punishment, in my opinion, is fair, or right, especially to a little kid. If my parents really hit me, I for one would be scared of them.

 

Well, by the time it was over, I had a cut from my mom's ring, a shiner, and a busted lip. Then my stepdad dragged me into the bathroom cuz he didnt want to look at me lying on the floor cuz I couldn't literally couldn't move!

 

Miko that just scaried the crap out of me, why would he drag you to the bathroom cause your not moving?

Personally i hate seen a child been spanked cause i really think that it is an adult bdeing mean to the child, however, i do think that it is nessicary for the child to learn that something is wrong and if there is only one way of doing it then i guess it has to be done. But once the child reaches a certain age then it won't seem nessicary cause the child should be able to tell the difference between right and wrong, and sometimes these beatings can rub off on the child, so that when they grow older they may think that this is the right way to teach their kids.

 

Up until I was around 11, my parents used to beat me with a folded leather belt. Usually on the *** but sometimes on the arms or back. Well it was mainly my father but my mother never bothered to do anything. ;P So nuts to her.

Having actually had to endure discipline like that I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, really. At least not anyone young. ;P If I have kids I sure as Hell won't be doing anything like that.

 

Throughout my entire childhood, not a single instance has come to mind where I was hit, spanked, or otherwise disciplined through force - it's entirely possible to raise a well-mannered child without spanking, provided that the parents are consistent and can think of other consequences for misbehavior (time-outs, loss of privileges, etc). I think that those are actually more effective in many cases - rather than a spanking, which is a brief humiliation at best and downright abusive at worst, the kid learns a more realistic type of cause and effect. If you break the rules (laws) as an adult, what happens? You go to jail or lose privileges - you don't get spanked. Makes more sense to teach a kid that way.

On the other hand, some kids won't listen if you can't get their attention with a smack on the butt. If it's done right, spanking hurts like hell for a few seconds, but that's it. And, in moderation, that's alright. If you NEED to spank a child to get them to stop misbehaving long enough to listen to you, I can see the justification.

But all this stuff about spanking with belts and so forth at the drop of a hat... No. That shows the child that 1. the parents can't be reasoned with, and 2. they had better not get caught if they do something bad. That's the problem with ruling through fear - sure, it creates discipline, but it also courts rebellion. Physical discipline requires responsibility and moderation to be effective.

 

I have no problem with spanking in moderation, but when it becomes abusive, it can cause greater aggressiveness in children, reduced empathy, and failure to internalize moral standards. Abusive spanking would be when the parents let out their steam on their child caused by work or other situations, or to spank them because they don't want to take the time to sit down with their child to tell them why they shouldn't have done what they did. When I was young I was spanked, I'm not too sure what the effects were but my parents always talked to me afterwards about what I did wrong. Really, I think I would have ended up better if they just talked to me about it. Spanking and physical punishment is also, in my opinion, abusive when a parent hits their kid and the kid has no idea whatsoever of what he or she did wrong.

Most parents resort to physical punishment when they have no other options, they have tried everything else. But, according to longitudinal research:

A good way for parents to teach their children is through induction, where they sit down and talk to them when they do something bad. Through induction, "The parents appeals to the child's good nature, empathy, love for the parent, and sense of responsiblity to others, and offers explanations of rules." The children of these parents are more likely to feel guilty if they hurt others, internalize standards of right and wrong, and be considerate of others.

Really, what parents SHOULD NOT do, though, is be permissive towards their child. To just let their children do whatever they want to because they are just fed up with putting up with disobedience. Instead, they should sit down and give emotional support and listen to their child's concerns and problems, the parents should also set reasonably high expectations of their child and teach him or her how to reach those expectations.

Source: Wade & Tavris, Psychology, Canadian edition (Longman Publishers, 2004).

 

My mom talked to me. She yelled and I sat there and cringed every time her hand moved towards me. If I started crying (yes, I cry), I would get hit. If I tried to defend my self, verbally or just putting my arm up to block her from hitting me, all h*** would break loose. I am soo glad I'm out of there.

 

I think when I was little, I used to get a little smack on the hand or the butt when I was naughty, but only when my parents knew that I knew what I was doing was wrong. So basically I was punished for choosing to do something wrong, not the actual act. It never happened much though. My parents usually just took something away from me, like TV or having a friend over.

It's hard to say when discipline crosses the line into abuse. Like, how hard is too hard to hit a child that say steals? Personally I think that only in extreme situations do children deserve to get just a little smack on the hand to remind them that they're not doing the right thing, but I think that the best way is to keep calm and punish them in a more effective way by taking away priveleges.

But speaking as a girl with an 8-year-old sister, it can be pretty hard to get through to the little darlings :sweat2: :sweat: Especially that kid next door that throws rocks :anger2: :anger2:

And anyway, I don't have kids so what do I know! :catgirl: