psychological rambling.. fun ;)

I've noticed that once in a while I just seem down. I can't say I'm manic depressive but I go through times like Winston Churchill's 'black dog'. I know that this might be normal, everyone goes through it. And I also know that there are even worse things that could happen, I could be off in a war torn land where everyone I'm close to has died. Yet still...

Today I was just talking with my aunt about my Social Work placement interview that I have on thursday, then suddenly I said 'I just hope that they allow me to be there'.. why would I even say that? I should be sure of myself.. I've worked hard, and was even referred by the university to have my placement there. How can I help people to accept themselves, and to cope with their problems when I don't even understand, and can't deal, with my own? To answer my own question.. I guess that no one can be perfect - if being perfect was a qualification needed to help others, then who could help anyone?

I do know what has caused this though... at work I deal with people yelling at me yet I suppress it and just laugh it off but it's still there, piling up until I'm exhausted. To kind of elaborate what I believe I'm going through I'll tell ya about Selye, a Canadian physician who explained stress in three stages:
1) Alarm phase - when a person goes through a tough time her of his mind and body mobilize to fight against this; through stress, or adrenal, hormones being released.
2) Resistance phase - the body continues to fight against the oncoming stress, until the stressful time has passed.
3) Exhaustion phase - the energy used to fight against stress is nearly gone, leaving the person open to sickness and depression...

This explains where I am, since I'm feeling like crap lately. Some of you might notice this around exam time too...

But, why would I be stressed out? There's no reason to be.. My life is not nearly as bad as many others out there. Actually my life is great. Depending on what one means by great of course..

The odd thing is.. I know the answers of how to cope with being upset but I have trouble using them myself, it really isn't easy. lol.. I'm advising myself how to fix things as I write. What I really need is to go through more stress, and gain some resilience - grow stronger.