Psychology Quiet People

This has been a concern to me as of late. In my group work class my professor has mentioned several times that there are certain people who might create negativity in a group situation by being "dead as a door nail" and not contributing their thoughts. One type of person who might be like this would be an introverted person who does not feel comfortable around too many people.

Are there any here who feel uncomfortable in groups? I sure am myself. It's because we become stimulated much easier than people who are outgoing. We become nervous and this effects our ability to speak. Even loud music and night clubs where people are packed in shoulder shoulder do not excite us, but cause migraines.

Now, saying that people like us are "dead as a door nail" greatly upsets me. It is strange that a prof of social work would say this. Does he not know that Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Carl Jung, the greatest counselors and advocates of social justice, were introverts themselves? I am certain that they were quiet and nervous around around group situations also. Yet, they had support from people who respected what they had to say.

There seems to be bias towards the quiet people. People who can speak up, and are comfortable with large groups are rewarded here. Whereas those who have perhaps the greatest insights of all are ignored, frowned upon, and called "dead as a door nail".

What my teacher doesn't understand that it is his duty as a group leader to get the quiet people to speak up. If he is going to insult them then their self-esteem will be destroyed and they will be more likely to stay quiet.

I was going to make this a journal entry but I want to hear what people have to say about this. Are people who are quiet treated differently from those who are outspoken? Why do you think they are quiet? What can we do to motivate them to speak out and share their insights?

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. It's true that as a leader, the teacher shouldn't lower self-esteem, but rather raise it.

Here, when we get in group works, I usually don't mind it since most of the time it's with my friends. But in the occasions that it's not with my friends, I'd rather not speak for two reasons. One being that there's a lot of wanna-be gangtas threre, and two, the rest are just lazy, unless of course I get the smart people, in which case I just ask what they want me to do, and do it. I'm there to get an A. Making friends is obviously a great, and group works sometimes help make friends.

Personal opinion, the teacher needs to improve his leader skills.

-Seishin

 

I totally agree. I sometimes consider myself as this kind of person. For instance, just last night I had to perform in the Pep band for a basketball game at my high school and I don't really know anyone there, so I just sit for basically the whole time talking to no one. Everytime someone tries to talk to me I can't think of anything to say so I just smile and nod my head, but I don't really say anything back. But we get third quarter off so I get to sit with my friends in the crowd and I get really hyper during that time. I think it's just matter of being comfortable with the people around you. Which isn't always necessarily true for everyone but it is for me.

 

Ahhh, it's never easy to get around strangers. It's hard to get to know someone, but once you get there, it's easiest!

Oh, and would the same topic also apply to like say...phone conversations?

For instance, when someone calls, unless someone's dying, I really don't have anything to say.

-Seishin

 

Im quiet, but does that mean I have problems? Maybe. Maybe im just having a bad day. Or perhaps i just dont want to engage in conversations. I really like being quiet. Its peaceful.

That...or...I really dont know what to say in a conversation unless its online and i have time to think about it.


- Kaiyon

 

My postcount belies it, but I'm actually quite a quiet person. I barely talk to anyone I'm not familiar with, I tend to let others carry most conversations (IM convos too). Basically I just like to be left to my thoughts, a lot of the time.

In fact, it turns out one of the riders on the bus I take to and from work thought I was mute. I surprised the hell out of him when I finally said something.

 

I have tons of ideas when im in a group, but i don't want to say them because I get nervous and feel that people would think im being really bossy. Or they just wont listen to me. But yah....Im one of those quiet people in big groups...but if im in my small group of 3 really good friends, im the most random excitable spacitic ADD person I am!
...mmmkay.

 

Yeah, it's the same thing with me. If I'm with my friends, are pretty much myself. But if I'm with people who I usually don't talk to or like, I just do what needs to be done and keep to myself. If I'm with smart people, I just add my 2 cents worth and let them do it.

 

I wonder how come this guy became a professor in the first place? He doesn't seem that smart to me. I'm an introverted person but I work in a goup as productive as the rest of the people do. Extroverts are more of a talker types when introverts are more of a listener/analyser types. My best friend is an extrovert and when we worked together in a group we scored good marks.

 

I know how it is on being quiet and nervous aroudn large groups of people,but I'm different now. I'm more outgoing and i'm the one that usually starts the conversations up..even if thier about absolutly anything (for proof ask Rag,Sphinx,Jackabee,and,Hitohiro).

When I was young I had very low self-esteem and while when were young that being the prime time for friendships,I had none,but I turned into a fanatical gamer because of that and from thier I became more outgoing. I can usually make a good coversation up and it will last about 10 min tops..Talk to me about games and were going to be thier till the sun goes down and back up

 

In my earlier years I was infamously known to be the quiestest member of my class. Though I wouldn't say I would be picked on or be insulted upon for my lack of words in group discussion.

However, in recent years I have started to speak up... or at least feel more confident when adding my voice to a topic in discussion. Before, I would have something to say, but would just be unable to speak up for the reasons mentioned by some members in this thread.

I would get people saying "OoOoOoOo... Shen actually said something, OMG!" everytime I actually said something... Which can sometimes make me feel awkward - like my presence is finally felt in class. But I was one of them neutral-sided, respected members of my years and generally don't get harassed on.

After coming to Uni... I have developed group discussion skills because of frequent group projects, these would mainly include speaking up, and if you're appointed the group leader, organzing the group and involving every member... which is a fun experience. I try and often am an active participant in discussing the problem given to us and I think It has helped me a lot.

- Shen

 

I'm Mixed Extrovert with Introvert

When stimulated and inspired of idea. I'm thinking about it, like any Introvert I'm quiet and stable

When I have to show my Leader position, I have to act like a Leader, as Extrovert/Introvert mixed, Thinking Orator, with clear and strong voice


"
Even loud music and night clubs where people are packed in shoulder shoulder do not excite us, but cause migraines.

"

Same.

However in parks at night, with trees and snow, with lights, I dance in a sound of beauty,
and smile

Quiet, stable, relaxing No people in park, only me and nature winter.

 

I'm a very quite person, i usually feel that i'm very lucky to have any friends at all cause i'm actually very quite. People in my class often wonder why i don't talk to people more and that i don't really make an effort to talk to people, although i usually ppoint out in my defence that nobody ever really makes an effort to talk to me either.

I think i just lack people skills, i actually find it very hard to find something to talk to new people, usually to try and find a topic that we can both talk about, but it usually becomes small talk where i only get a one line answer , i just don't want there to be that awful silence as we go where ever it is we go. I feel kinda odd that i have a friend that is the total opposite, who can just walk into a room and strike up a conversation with anyone.

 

I'm quiet
I prefer being left alone
I live a secluded life
I'm introvert

I blame it on my old "classmates" from highschool.. they pushed my out of their "group" since they all knew eachother from childhood and went to school together, while I was the new guy who no one knew. So they decided to see if I liked their music. I didn't. (I'm not into punkrock!)
So I wasn't good enough for them. My opinion didn't count. At one point, when the teacher was checking on the class list, the students were calling out who was present etc... Or something, at least, they where telling the names of the students in the class.
In the end, they forgot one name, since they only called the 29 out of 30 students.. And they just kept on wondering who that was, and it took them some time to figure out it was me. I refused to tell them, because I hated them down to the bottom of my heart.
Later that year, I deprived into depression because no one appreciated what I did.

So it's easy to say, I didn't have any friends either. Some old mates maybe, yeah, childhood buds, but they were in a different class, so I only met those during lunchtime and evening study.

After a while, I didn't like to talk because I always thought no one would care about my opinion anyway. So I became very, very shallow and sheltered..
I even ruined my chance on a girlfriend because of it, because I was just too afraid.
I still ain't got a girl today. People say I should go out, but I hate loud music, mass crowds, and there's another problem: I don't like going out. If I go out, I'd meet a girl who DOES like going out, so I'd be going out more, never enjoying it
I don't like the whole "going-out" culture anyway..


WOOPS told my life story!
Eurhm.. yeah that teacher's an ass, I see it this way; us quiet people are there to make a difference. If we wouldn't be there, they would eventually start hammering on the ones who aren't loud enough.. He'll always look for someone to blame, while it's probably just his own fault anyway.

 

I know!!!! Exactly I can never talk with someone on the phone. I mean it gets really quiet...you can't even hear the other person breathing! Nobody makes a sound! My best friend and I don't even talk on the phone..We only can talk face to face...But to the main topic I am pretty quiet. I usually keep to myself not just in group work, but also in class too. Everybody always talks about how i am so quiet, but I never really try to change that. But when I am with my friends/family I can talk, talk, talk, and keep on talking. I guess when I am near strangers I find it difficult to be myself so I just shut up. But even when I do group work with a bunch of lazy people, I will end up doing all the work. As for getting in a group with diligent people, I will from time to time respond, but other than that I usually just keep to myself. However, I find it funny that when I do formal presentations, or a performance of some kind, I can never do it in front of my family/friends. I can only do it in front of strangers...

Anyways I would not say that quiet people are as "dead as a door nail." Maybe your professor had to work with quiet people or something and says that. I think there is nothing wrong with quiet people We are just trying to get by like everybody else.

 

i am a quiet person people make me nervous what can i say. i can be in a class for five months and won't start talking till the fourth month.

[/QUOTE]There seems to be bias towards the quiet people. People who can speak up, and are comfortable with large groups are rewarded here. Whereas those who have perhaps the greatest insights of all are ignored, frowned upon, and called "dead as a door nail".