Humour Real life stories.

The stupid, the dumb, and the totally unexplained stories that have happened to you or someone you trust. I want real life stories not something that happen which you heard by someone and they heard it by so and so and that goes on and on. No chains sorry.

I’ll start. When I used to work at this truck stop my co-worker was pretty dumb. We will call her, Idiot X, just to keep her identity safe. Plus I have more stories about Idiot X. Idiot X can make all humans denie that she is part of our species including blondes. Blondes would cry over what she is if you buy into those dumb blonde jokes (which I really don’t). She is a dirty blonde well her hair is.

Anyway, I’ll tell this story. Idiot X asked me a question about birth control. Like I am really much more experienced. *rollseyes* I told her what I thought and then I asked her why she was asking. Apparently this guy she was dating said he couldn’t have children. He already has three kids by three different women. Idiot X told me this. I asked her did he have an operation. She said no. Any illness got the same reply, a no, along with disease, and in his family. I asked her that did this magically happen? She said no but “he said the doctor said.” I looked at her and asked did you believe him? She said yeah. I looked at her and said “the doctor told me that I was a guy would you believe me?” She said, “no, you have a kid.” And yet you believed him I asked her. She said yeah. I looked at her and said “I’ll put this nicely as I can. He is lying to you. There is no way he cannot have kids. If there wasn’t a disease, no illness, no operation, or there is nothing with his family then he is lying. I pointed out to you anyone can say that a doctor said this. Do you want to have a kid?” She said no. Then I told her to go get birth control. Two months later guess what? Idiot X is pregnant and about 5 weeks along.

 

HAHAHAHA...omg that is sooo funny! Well here is one about me...
-----------------------------
Ok...when I was little I had a severe case of ADHD...and I was the bouncing off the wall type that you could never get to sit still or behave. Well....when I was in kindergarden, I had just watched the "Lion King" recently...and while the class was trying to do their work...I was crawling under the tables, on the kids' feet, and roaring like a lion..pretending to be Mufasa. Gosh...I love that movie! Anywayz...I got sent to the Principle's Office and they called my parents in....

Thank god it's not as bad now than it was a long time ago...lol...^_^

 

well... i got to say it... one time at band camp...we were running drill and idiot Y was backwards marching and tripped onto 2 other people creating a domino affect with 10 others....

 

Well, I have tons to tell, but for now you get one. ^^

This was on the 8th grade trip, to Worlds of Fun. It is an amusment park in Kansas City for those of you who didn't know.

Well, the whole day had went by pretty fine. I was with a group of friend and we decided to get on this ride called the Detonator, which shoots you up into the air. Well we all got the ride at the same time and more or less sat by each other, I was on the end and Sabrina was sitting right beside me. Well this black guy was going aorund and making sure we all were in the rides right. he had on big purple sunglasses too.
He got around to us and he said something, I wasn't pay much attention, I was just looking up to see how far we shoot up. Then once he left Sabrina started laughing so hard, and I am like what?! What?! Tell me, she looks at me and is like you didn't hear what he said? I said no. Then she laughed again, she said the guy said to me, by the way your looking pretty hot. I was like.. eh, now I'm going to need a wheel chair! ( probably only funny to people who have seen the movie white chicks.)and yeah, I got hit on by a carny. 0__o

 

Ditto ^^.

I was at a local Anime Expo with a few friends, and (this being my first time and their second) we were doing the obligatory fangirl ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the some of the more elaborate costumes (while waiting in line to get our entrance badges) when suddenly this guy appears, completely out of left field, in what can only be described as a duplication of the Man-Faye uniform ><. And let me tell you, seeing it on a webpage is *nothing* compared to the real thing (although it's similarly Not Pretty). Upon regaining control over my vocal cords, I (very stupidly, I might add) blurted out the first thing that popped into my head.

Me: Woaahh, I haven't seen a crack like that since Pangaea....

Erm, let's just put it this way: There is no way he didn't hear me >_>....

 

More from Idiot X. This is a disclaimer for a little more mature nature. I did edit out the true meaning but still the following joke is meant to be viewed by a mature audience.

This happened after I got off work while Idiot X was coming on. She was talking to a trucker. I caught a little of the conversation as I was leaving. I turned around and asked what he said to her and why she agreed to meet him. Idiot X said, "he told me to meet her in his truck to see and play with his one eyed green monster." I looked at her and said, "you do know what that means?" She was like yeah he wanted to show me some of his hulk collection. (I think the movie just came out.) I looked at her and said NO and told her what he really meant. She was like, "I agreed to that?" I told her it looks like she did. After she turn a shade of red and had a disgusted face on her I left.

 

One of the places I lived there was this guy named Bobby cool. Anyway Boby Cool you could say was the village idiot. Nice guy, good worker but could barely understand a word he said strong as an Ox.. Anyway At a hockey game he had 3 teens sitting behind him.. one of the kids kicked Bobby in the back of the head.. So bobby turns around and asks the first kid, Did you kick me, Kid says no.. SO he asks thed Second Kid did you kick me, the kid says no, So he looks at the third kid and punchs him in the face and says Don't kick me again..

 

WOW...something funny happened yesterday at work. I work at McDonalds by the way. TO save my best friend's identity ... I'll call her Naru.

Well, Naru and I were working the same hours and I was put on French Fries while she was backing up for Drive-thru. I burnt myself...again...*blushes*.....and I'm like "OW! That hurt!"b/c of the french fry grease and Naru goes to serve ice cream and she jumps and says..."OW!!! The ice cream burned me!!" I was like..."Naru...how could you burn yourself with ICE CREAM!?" And she goes..."It was hot though!" It was a stupid moment...but funny.

 

Idiot X returns this time with her now ex-boyfriend.

Idiot X was seeing this guy when this happened and he isn't the one from before, though. This was before she got pregnant. Anyway he didn't want to come to my work any more and you all will find out why. I believe this story because I saw it. Read and you will see what I mean.

He is a truck driver and he cleaned out the company truck this one time. He is the only one who uses this truck no one else drives it. Well he dumped it in the garabage can at where I work. The Janitor just cleaned it out so nothing was in there. His truck left and the janitor checked and inside he found size 11 female high knee boots. He brought them inside the cashier (she showed me these shoes) and she said they were like $250- $300 which I agreed to because they were very nice. Red and black with nice prints maybe 2 or 3 inch heals. Anyway I was holding one and I dropped it. Something small and black fell out. I picked it up unfortinately. It was a balled up lacey black underware. It had to be like size 5. I dropped it and left it there. The same Janitor (he was working) had to pick it up. I talked to Idiot X when she came in and I asked her shoe size. It was a 8 so not her boots. The underware wasn't hers either she is a little heavy set. I asked her about his family. She said his sister and his mom were bigger then her. But nut huge. I asked her about his girlfriends. She said she was the thinest. So now do you people know what I was thinking? I wasn't the only one. Being the person that I am and when I saw him. The shoes were still set aside kind of like in a lost and found. The cashier I talked about was helping him. I looked at him and said hey you left something here. The cashier glanced at me and she had no clue what I was talking about. He was like what did I leave here, "your phone number?" He was trying to flirt. *BLAH* Anyway I picked up one boot and was like, "Heck no, your boot." He turned such a deep shade of red. He RAN out of the building and jumped in his truck. He was gone so fast. I Just laughed my head off for like an hour. Tears were coming down my face. My boss was wondering what the heck was going on. I told him. Anyway they were his boots. He was just odd and if you met him you would understand.

Idiot X did tell me that her boyfriend hated me. I didn't like him to begin with. I still get a chuckle when I think about it.

 

one day i was going through a village and i didn't noticed anything strange...
a few days later i was watching tv and what was my suprise? i saw ME in the big screen walking behind the sets of i portuguese serie... i didn't have the chance to record it but was akward seeing myself on tv without knowing it..

 

Pardal, that's freakin' awesome...lol.
----------------------------------------
ANywayz....recently, school has started here. I go to the same school as Hiro, but he was sick at home and missed this!!! HAHA!!! My friend's brother...Josh, is a freshman this year (no hiro, he's not in band)...and i remembered that when I was a freshman...I'd hear stories of Seniors who would do HORRIBLE things to the newbies. Well, I'm a junior now...so I like to torture them a bit...but one day, yesterday as a matter of fact...I was walking to lunch alone, when I see one of the boxed-in trashcans sideways on the floor. It was moving around, so I thought a racoon or something was in it looking for food or somethin', i dunno....but I opened it anywayz, and I see Josh struggling to get out...it was soooo funny b/c he was crying and he sounded & looked sooo pathetic...but I helped him get out anywayz...being the sweet and caring person that I am. ^_^ He said a couple of big guys ganged up on him and canned him before 4th period started...so he was stuck in there for like 50 minutes...lol. His sis got REALLY pissed when she found out and found out the guys who did it...her ex-boyfriend and two of his friends...such a jackass. He was getting revenge on her for breaking up with him...w/e to that loser. But...it was still sooo funny...and even he was laughing about it today! ^_^

 

a long time ago I was talking about how stupid was one of my classmate when he pass me by and said "don't worry more stupid is the person that said it".
I felt bad XD

 

ok this is a long one but well worth the read TRUST me!

i have a friend who i must say is probably the most absent minded person on this planet. i have countless stories about her stupidity but i think ill share the most memorable funniest mioment ive ever witnessed with her. shes one of those pretty dumb ditsy girls and though her hair color is brown, shes a blonde at heart. anyway we were at camp one year and we were both in the bathroom. she had just gotten out of the shower and was blow drying her hair and in just a towel and i was doing my make up. we were merrily chatting away and i turn to look at her and i see a biiiig huuuuge giant spider stringing down towards her from the ceiling! and man this thing was huge! so i proceeded to tell her to look up and she looks up, lets out a blood curtling scream, and goes to swing at it with her blow dryer except she misses completly and (believe it or not) clocks herself in the head. at that point i fall over laughing and shes still screaming and then! (yes it gets better!) she gets up and runs towards the bathroom door still screaming and yes still in only a short little towel and opens the door. now everyone within 3 miles heard her deathly screams and had all come running towards the bathroom to make sure things were ok. so when she opened the door, there were about 15 people standing outside the bathroom door ready to knock (and most of them were guys i must add). so in a panicking, whimpering voice, she tells everyone that there is a big spider in there and to kill it but then in mid sentence, she realizes shes still in her little towel, lets out another scream, runs back into the bathroom, into one of the stalls and slams the door. i was laughing so hard i almost puked! its a true story i swear!

 

man that was funny. It sounds like a funny movie, but don't missunderstood me, I beleive u XD.

ok I have another one:

When I was working in a museum with my friends, well it wasn't work because we never worked XD. ok one day one of my friends were chasing the other one because the other one said that the other look stupid with those pants, anyway they were runnig when one fall down to the floor and the other one that didn't see him fall down too.
Well it doesn't end here, other friends of mine that were looking for those 2 didn't saw them on the floor and fall too, the other one that were going to tell them that the booss was upset with them and wanted to see them, diodn't saw them and fall down too, I know that it sound strange but I swear that happened.
Well the thing is that, I saw them and didn't fall down but when I saw the boss that were coming to were we were I swear that I didn't remenber that my friends were on the floor so I try to run and I fall down too.

beleieve me or not, it happened XD

 

Meh, I wasn't planning on posting anything else here, but my friend felt like having a good laugh at someone else's expense today, so she reminded me of this one. As embarassing as it is, it's just too good not to share =P.

So last Halloween, I'm trick-or-treating (There's no such thing as being too old for free candy, shaddup ^^) with my friend Kei, dressed in some bizarre futuristic purple go-go-girl suit (complete with outrageous purple wig, silver knee-high boots, and a plastic ray gun with cheesy sound effects) that I purchased on impulse because I wanted to know what the heck it was, and once I'd gotten it out of the plastic wrapping, I was kinda stuck with it =P Kei's walking a few feet ahead of me (in a costume like *that*, I couldn't really blame her), so when she stops at the next house, I take a few seconds to admire the decorations before catching up to her. If I could've seen a few seconds into the future, I would've forgone the candy in exchange for my dignity, but since I couldn't, I jogged up to her and waited for the woman (who had already answered the door by this point) to return with our candy. When she does, we exchange the customary "Ooh, my, what are you?"s and polite thank-yous, but I can't help but notice that she seemed to be searching my face for something, so I ask her if anything's the matter. In response, I get this...

Woman: I'm sorry, but... are you a guy?

LOL, now it wasn't quite as bad as it sounds. First of all, it was really late, really dark, and she wasn't wearing her glasses, so she could barely make out anything more then a purple blur with fake nails and eyelashes ... I could've been anyone. The reason she asked is that, apparently, the high-school football team had lost a bet and agreed to dress as cheerleaders for Halloween, and my ridiculous purple ensemble resembled their outfits. But *still*, I hope I never have to hear THAT particular question again. And to this day, Kei still hasn't let me live it down T_T

And the icing on the cake? The woman could've numbed the pain a little by giving us Fast Breaks or even a Tootsie Roll, but instead, she gave us *granola* bars. Way to kill the spirit of Halloween, lady =P

 

This happened to my sister. We were getting in the car, and my sis asked dad to buy her something.

Dad, but listen to me, because you always say "yes, dear, yes dear" and never pay attention to me.... dad.... DAD!
"Eh, yes, dear."

 

I was spending the weekend at Kristi's....on Sat. we went to her grandmothers and ended up sleeping there. So the next day we went to her grandmother's church. And there were seperate buildings, and we didn't know which one to go in, and got stuck in the childrens' building! we stayed in there with those kindergardeners (boy were we quite the giants*_*) for the first half of church...then after the first half was over...we went outside for some air.
We sat under a big tree with hanging branches, when we noticed everyone had gone back in for the second half of church. We tried to go back into the childrens' building was locked! We paniced and ran back under the tree. We decided to stay under the tree. And just are luck, people occasionally came out of the building for no apprent reason. They would walk past the tree and me and her would go in circles around the tree to hide. Some had their car parked right in front of the tree, and got really close to the tree to get to his car.

 

People falling down seems to be pretty funny so here's one that I remember.

I was in basic training (boot camp) for the Navy a few years back and one of the pre-reqs for graduating was getting all your shots. Now I'm not sure what most people here are like, but there are people who join the military and are god awful afraid of shots. Needles drive them ballistic. I, myself, have seen someone go white as a sheet and nearly pass out after getting a TB read in his arm.

Anyway when I went to basic they did away with the Airguns and used the old fashoned "Needle Gauntlet" method, rather instead of getting a few shots from the airgun, we got over ten individual pokes from the hyperdermic needles. One would walk up to a "station" with two corpsman on either side, they would stick you, you walked to the next "Station" three feet in front of you, and repeated the whole thing until you got all your shots. Those who were needle-phobic were usually weeded out by this process. If one was too much, then five "Staions" of twin needle phun drove them crazy.

One of the last shots we had to get was this monster penacillin shot. Anyone who's ever gotten this baby knows it's no joke. The needle is the size of the corpsman's hand. To be quite frank- this is a shot you get in the fleshy part of ones buttocks. Probably the worst shot evar. Right before they gave it to us they warned us that it would make the muscle sore the next morning. Frankly we were too concerned with the immediate pain that we were about to recieve to care about a little 'soreness' the following morning.

Sure enough, everyone made it through the gauntlet and we marched back to the compartment glad for the whole ordeal to be over. We hit our racks that night and blissfully fell asleep. The next morning was when all the fun started.

We were all awoken to a series of "THUMP", "WHAAAGH!!" noises when they called revellie. Turns out the people in the top racks didn't listen to the corpsmen when they said that they would be a little 'sore' in the morning. Because of where the shot was stuck the muscle was tender and weak. One after another those retards in the top racks lept from thier bunks, as they always did every morning, and landed only to have thier legs simply give out underneath them. There was a THUMP followed by the same, uniform scream "WAAGH!!"

There had to have been at least six of them laying on the ground, wailing in pain. One after another, after another, after another. It was the funniest thing we had seen in a long time.

At one point one guy, who was staring down from his top rack at one of his fallen 'shipmates' who lived in the top rack next to his, goes

"What's wrong man? Are you ok?"

And he proceeds to leap out of his rack to help his fallen buddy, only to hit the ground and collapse on top of him.

I laughed until I cried.

 

Ok, no names. LOL

OK, this was just the other day. Me and Moron A ( my best friend) and Moron B ( stupid male friend of mine) and my mom said she'd be home sooner or later. Well the weird thing was the lights kept flickering and the phones were out. Apparently they had a wreck because I heard the fire department's siren. ( They are right down the road) So I was cool, but Moron B was freaked out. He said he had seen a ghost before and he couldn't stand paranormal activities. I was just like pfft. All the sudden he screamed and jumped up when me and Moron A were talking alone.

'" There was something beside me!!", he screamed.
" Chill dude. ", Mike said.

He was all upset while all of the sudden.

" Nevermind it was my hair laying against my face!". he said.


...grrrrr.

 

OK, a few years ago, my cousin was staying over at my house. I had bunk beds at the time and we were both sitting in the top one. This happened at about one in the morning by the way. I moved over a little bit, intending to slip gracefully off the top bed and land on my feet on the floor. Instead I somehow, I've no idea how, got my foot stuck in the guard rail and suddenly found myself hanging upside down, screaming my wee confused head off. It was absolutely hilarious for my cousin, who was laughing so much that she couldn't move to help me. She EVENTUALLY managed to free me, resulting in my falling flat on my back on the floor, but not after I had gotten the whole house in an uproar...
<sarcasm> Fun times... </sarcasm>