Creative Writing roleplay at what i think is my finest..ithink

Ok im just going to go for it. God i hope thay dont kick me out of hear, if you wont you can join in i like to para alot not much of a one liner person :catgirl: i hope you injoy.

all ways in darkness
Alexzndra

A light wind blows the snow in to the face of a young woman, she is hardly visable in the snow. She walking slowly, all that was herd was the humming wind. Her face was coverd in a white hood of a cloak her hands held fast at her sword. You could not trust any thing, or any one as the wind blow harder on her she just sighed in two miles she would be safe back at home. The only trail that was left by her was her blood that brun the snow coverd earth as her walked, the wound on her left sholder was still bleeding from her fight. " Damn that stupied hunter god all I was doing was getting a drink not doing a damn thing to him. Yeah sure im a wonted criminal and Im deadly at that but still i only wonted a drink not to kill him". The woman let her breath out slowly she didnt wont to fight unless it was for her life or her family all she wonted was some peace in her life.​

 

Sounds like it's in the middle of the sotry, instead of the beggining. This sounds more like some sort of Creative Writting.

And again, sorry to point this out, but spelling's not that great.

-Seishin

 

Dude as long as its readable it doesn't matter, besides looks like he's at least put the effort in.

I highlighted ur spelling mistakes. Its STORY and WRITING and BEGINNING

But what i will say is, you missed alot of punctuation in that story dude, its still good but its hard to understand without the correct punctuation.

anyhow keep up the good work ^.^

 

Don't moan about his spelling; all he did was point out her spelling issues. And it's not readable; it's a painful font and colour combination with the worst alignment possible for such a writing.

Edit: Moved it to the appropriate forum.

 

hey

I AM A FLIPEN GIRL!! Well im a girl in a guys body in a girls body lol but i dont realy know what you mean buy "needs to start at the being ". You mean like were dose she comes from? If you must ill put her "life" in a bubble. It will be short i dont wont to bore you all. Im kind of happy i got good feed back on the start of it but if you all must know what her life is then hear you go.
P.S.
I hate having to do grammer,
thats why I have a 59% in English.



IceWolfs life (-In a Bubble-)
Icewolf was one of the first to be made by the big man, he made her just be for the archangels were made. She was made to help bilde heaven and keep them safe, Jesus loved her like his sister. She was the most beautiful creater there, they called her Alexzandra for the name fit her well. She fought at Gods side when lucifer truned evil and tried to over throw heaven. In the fight she was badly wonded almost dieing she throw her soul in to a crystal untill the day her body could be made a new. Over the years many angels and what are knowen as the roman gods, tried and tried to make a new body for her the crystal were she slummber was well protected. Then one day her crystal was taken and used for great evil in the world and spirt then lost for ever in the black worlds, finaly one day in a realm called Nardea they found a beautiful blue crystal. Knowing that the crystal was the woman named Alexzandra seat her free, but in the years of being in the shadows of evil Alexzandra wonted to rule all. Comeing for from the crystal she murderd the villiagers letting no one liveshe had her taste of blood, and liked it only wonting more! Soon she became powerful more so then most of the angels in the spirt realm , killed all who was in her path letting none live. Soon she the roman gods came up with a plain but they had to be fast, they called on to the god of Egypt called Anubis. To make a swored to hold the soul of the beloved Alex so for 10 days he wokerd on it and made the swored knowen as "Akutea". He was also the one to stabe the blade in to her heart traping her for many years untill she was set free once more. But this time she was wereing a blue and pink crystal and made her life as is nothing ever happend sending the pink crysatl in to the human world and hiding the blue never to be evil again.


kind of long injoy

 

Um... what?

Edit: And PLEASE use a spellchecker.

 

Ummm, thanks teach?

Ah, for the lazy bums out there, I'm gonna save you the trouble of looking for it (even though you just have to type "Spellchecker" on ASK) and here.

http://www.spellcheck.net/

It's not even that hard to remember. Does it work?

Onomatopoeia.

Given the fact that almost nobody can type that, yes, yes it does. Doubt it can help you on your 59% F in your class (not sure though how spelling can get you a 59...)

 

Holy, crap, no "-Seishin"! It's a miracle!

I can't remember the last time I used a spellchecker. I just don't need them.

Headstrong, it sounds interesting, but its biggest failing is the lack of proper paragraph structure. It makes it extraordinarily hard to read. You'll notice going around that I tend to leave a paragraph break evey few lines in my posts. It's really helpful, because it breaks it down into smaller bits of text, that are easier to read.

Also, it helps separate ideas better than just a period. It makes it fairly easy to tell when I'm moving on from one idea to the next, doesn't it?

Just a suggestion. The best thing you can do with your writing is to make it easy to read. After all, you could be able to write JRR Tolkien, but it wouldn't make an ounce of difference if no one can read it, right?

Spelling and punctuation are, to me, less important than paragraph structure, I guess.

 

Thank you all!!

Hope this is better for you and you can read it, also thank you all for being nice to be about it. Love you all!!

IceWolfs life (-In a Bubble-)
Icewolf was one of the first to be made by the big man, he made her just be for the archangels were made. She was made to help bilde heaven and keep them safe, Jesus loved her like his sister. She was the most beautiful creater there, they called her Alexzandra for the name fit her well. She fought at Gods side when lucifer truned evil and tried to over throw heaven. In the fight she was badly wonded, almost dieing she throw her soul in to a crystal untill the day her body could be made a new.

Over the years many angels and what are knowen as the roman gods, tried and tried to make a new body for her the crystal were she slummber was well protected. Then one day her crystal was taken and used for great evil in the world and spirt then lost for ever in the black worlds, finaly one day in a realm called Nardea they found a beautiful blue crystal. Knowing that the crystal was the woman named Alexzandra seat her free, but in the years of being in the shadows of evil Alexzandra wonted to rule all.

Comeing for from the crystal she murderd the villiagers letting no one liveshe had her taste of blood, and liked it only wonting more! Soon she became powerful more so then most of the angels in the spirt realm , killed all who was in her path letting none live. Soon she the roman gods came up with a plain but they had to be fast, they called on to the god of Egypt called Anubis.

To make a swored to hold the soul of the beloved Alex so for 10 days he wokerd on it and made the swored knowen as "Akutea". He was also the one to stabe the blade in to her heart traping her for many years untill she was set free once more. But this time she was wereing a blue and pink crystal and made her life as is nothing ever happend sending the pink crysatl in to the human world and hiding the blue never to be evil again

 

All I know is this involves Jesus and Roman Gods and 'sworeds' and magic crystals and icewolves. It confuses me to all hell and you really gotta answer that question.

 

what one? im lost now to STOP THIS!!!!!!*falls over and twitchs*

 

What's this mean?

 

im a gril thats in a guys body thats in a girls body meaning that im a tomboy and im a girl and that one guy called me a dude happy?

 

Er.. so do you have a penis or not?

 

JC neph. lol

Very interesting story but is lacking like most said spelling. Try email if you must. It also lacking sentence structure.

Example: Comeing for from the crystal she murderd the villiagers letting no one liveshe had her taste of blood, and liked it only wonting more!

It should be: Coming from the crystal she murdered the villagers letting no on live. She had her taste of blood, and she liked it. She wanted more!

I think wanted would sound better. But it is yours.

Everyone has problems with grammer and spelling. The thing to keep in mind is editors or a spellchecker. Some members would be glad to help out.

 

*chokes on coffee* LOL neph

 

@_@

Nep no i do not have a penis.... even thos i wish i did. Jk no i dont wont one, there to much to handle when you pee. And thank you for saing it was a nice story i liked that, but if you roleplay with me the stroy comes out more. Thats how i roleplay make my charater more unknowen, well i fill like a fish out of water right now. Till later days


alex

 

It sounds really interesting to me. I may not be on as often as I once was but if you would like any help at all feel free to email me or pm me and I'll help you as often as I can and as best as I can. I used to be a teacher myself, while in high school, and I've roleplayed here for about...three years now i think...

WOW I've been here with you guys that long it seems like only yesterday I was a sophmore in high school and now I'm out on my own... kinda. And Neph is a cool guy even if he is perverted.

 

I'll happily help with it, but PM me only if u hav anythin to say, cos I'm REALLY busy as it is, I've been with A&M for nearly 4 years, if i include my old user account :sweat2:
But ya feel free to ask for help :anime:

 

Lol yeah i will pm you if i need any thing thanks again, you all are the coolest better than that stupied werewolf.com place stupied jerks. Well im going to the dead poets meeting this friday and going to read three poems, wish me luck ive got one all readly, called "Crimson Blood", will try and keep my head up and nosie clean ahaha