Creative Writing Some Songs I'm Working ON

Hey all,

Here's some songs I'm working on. Comments on the lyrics please!! Thanks!


What If
:Lyrics by Artemis

I always had to start things
You didn't reciprocate
I tried to work out the problems
But now its just to late

So I'm sitting in the darkness
Trying to think what I did wrong
But I can't seem to fix this puzzle
So I just wrote this song

Refrain:
And what if its for the best
What if its for the worst
What if its just a phase
What if I'm just cursed

I hung-up the phone for the last time
It killed me to hear you cry
I told myself it was for the best
How could I believe this lie

So I'm sitting in the darkness
Wishing I still had you
But I was a fool, and pushed you away
What in God's name did I do

Refrain:

Though the ending was quite painful
My wounded heart won't break
There's someone out there waiting
I'll find her no mistake

So I'm sitting in the darkness
Knowing though it may seem rough
The time we had was a gift from God
I can't thank Him enough

Refrain:


The Beauty of Death
:Lyrics by Artemis

Darkness, the beauty of death
The silent prayer of a child’s last breath
Un-requited love and hearts not whole
Twisted fates and a darkened soul.

Why do these things appeal
Rotting corpses, rats that squeal
A bleached white skull with ruby eyes
Of gothic girls I fantasize.

Refrain:
Don’t think my cry Kommen Susser Tod
Equates a hatred of my God
He made the darkness and the light
It is no sin to relish fright.

Immobile, he stands all alone
His face is white his fangs are shown
His bearing broken only by
The silver coins that catch his eye.

Tales of murder, tales of blood
Socialites as pure as mud
Bodies left on holy ground
The vampire killer never found.

Refrain:

The pumpkin King, a skeleton
Ghoulish children, twisted fun
His one true love a zombie girl
Stitch co'erd skin and auburn curls.

A woman broken, mind astray
Wants to make the monster pay
Glis'ning leather, cracking whip
Sends him on his final trip.

Refrain:

 

The first song just gave me this iffy feeling, like something I'd expect to hear my sister blasting from the latest Good Charlotte CD or something which kinda made me gag.

Second one, however is much better. Nice collection of words there, seems to flow well and just all around well-written. Plus, I just can't help myself but enjoy the oh-so-obvious reference to The Nightmare Before Chrismas.

The pumpkin King, a skeleton
Ghoulish children, twisted fun
His one true love a zombie girl
Stitch co'erd skin and auburn curls.

I mean, it's not just me, right? ;P

 

Excellent.

Thanks, yeah the first one is kinda sappy but what can I say, Im a helpless romantic.

As for number 2 yeah, the 3rd verse is my little tribute to Tim Burton. Part one is Nightmare Before Christmas and Part two is Selena Kyle from Batman Returns.

You offically kick @ss in my book for picking that up btw.

 

Ah, okay, yeah, I can see that now (the tribute to Selena Kyle). Nice, nice, not bad.

And, Hell, anyone that puts a tribute to Nightmare Before Christmas is cool in my book. ;P

 

I'd have to agree with Amon. When I read the first one I could just hear the tinny poser music in the background. The second one was excellent though, it gave me a lot of vivid imagery. The song flows almost perfectly, and it's definitely sounds like something I would listen to. (if it were an actual song ^_^.. but then again, who knows? Maybe it will be someday!)

 

What's tinny poser music?

Meh?

 

I just meant something like Good Charlotte.

 

Oh ok.

Here's some more:


I know I can't


I wish

I could

Protect my parents from myself

Keep the problems to myself

But I know I can't



I wish

I could

Hide the cuts from my old man

Boy this wasn't in the plan

But I know I can't



I wish

I could

Stop his tears on my behalf

Make him smile, make him laugh

But I know I can't



Refrain:

There's just some days

When I wish I could escape

From my failures and my broken dreams of glory

But I know that to do so

Would kill my parents too

So I force myself to breathe



I wish

I could

Accept what life has dealt to me

Believe that I'm where I should be

But I know I can't



I wish

I could

Make the scars just disappear

Finally just like it here

But I know I can't



I wish

I could

Stop thinking what might have been

Feel God in my life again

But I know I can't

Refrain:


Only Fools and Assholes


If you ask the average college girl what she thinks about nice guys

She'll fill your head with a crock of ****, spin a web of lies

"I want a guy who understands, who listens to me too."

Bullshit, getting with a jock is all she really wants to do



Refrain:

Oh to be quite honest I'm kinda sick of this

I'm getting tired of being nice, hell now I'm getting pissed

If not being a total **** means that I'm second rate

I'll just be happy on my own, only fools and assholes date.



I met a girl in calculus, a nice blonde really hot

We got some Starbucks coffee, and we talked a whole damn lot

She led me on for about a month, I tried to make it work

But I was too damn nice to date, I should have been a jerk.



Refrain:



I met a girl, friend of a friend, who took my breath away

My friend said it would never be, I might as well be gay

Well I give up, I guess she's right, its true that all girls suck

This dating ****'s a waste of time, why do I give a ****.



Refrain:

 

yeah liked the second one pretty cool.3rd one bit to over the top

Here's minethe chours is slow but the verse are raps)
[Chours]
When my world's turning upside down and moving all around
I gotta tell the world this is the end my friend.I don't know what do
I don't know what to say all I do is get up pray

[Verse I]a little fast

you used be the one we used to go around In my mercades benz don't you remember.It all started in 2001 when walking around town making a fuss how could i not see you taking the bus I said you were the one .remember when we had all the fun.why did u die I did cry I don't know why but in made me smile it's that motherf***** fault that gave my life a hualt.

Ooooohhhhhh

When my world's turning upside down and moving all around
I gotta the world this is the end my friend.I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say all I do is get up and pray.

Verse II

now when I wake up everyday I wonder how people waste thier life on being gay.
(reall fast)
mother's all want to mess wit me I got my gun stacked in my rack u you want to see
I've got 28 to be right I f***ing shoot you up all night that's right theworld here me
I'm better than bruce or jetli
see people thuoght I couldn't rap cause I wasa kid but everything i sell people want for bid form my hats to my socks even the ones that I wore around the block.see everyone wants a piece of me I'm just so tasty you see look at me these day's I get no coversations cause I gotto pay for my taxations I'm not happy or sappy I feeling rappy. i do what i do evreyday the same way like going to the mall and wish for her but she's gone she's never coming back so I lack and distract.motherf***ers i'll be back.

coul go on for ever but stop here how was it