Still home. Long entry..kinda deep too.

I'm still home. I've had alot go on this past week..haven't had time to get on to tell ya'll. The only time I did was to cry to Kevin about all the shit i've been doing.

I stopped going to CS..I'm court ordered to go but I don't see any point in going since i'm not graduating any time soon and i'm about to get sent off right? Well, I recieved a pretty little phone call from my PO last week..eek. He told me i'd have a court date December 20th if I didn't come to school. (I didn't go today because I have a written excuse from my doctor.) Soo..Mrs. Melinda and him debated on the theory that mabye I should get sent to the bridge for 90 days instead of S.T.A.R.T. That kinda scared me to be honest. That place is crazy..
Well it's official I am going to S.T.A.R.T since i've actually came to school and behaved.
I've taken alot of pictures of everyone since i'm allowed to take photos there. I have pictures of everyone except Cody..I don't know if I should take that. I don't think I should have anything to do with him any more..but it's like I can't.

He was my first love. My first REAL love..v_v

I've never been serious about anyone. I'm 16 and i've never had a real relationship like I did with him. This one i'm in now..is giving me hope. I opened up to him last night. He gave me the confidence to be able to tell my therapists something i've never told my mom or anyone else besides him..

The summer I was staying with my mamaw while my dad was in the hospice..there was my cousin Ricki Henry there. He came over every day to supposbly "make sure we were alright" and one day he asked me if I wanted to go riding down on the four wheelerto the gravel pit (a little down by barnett, close to my house) with him..when I did...he raped me. My mamaw knew something was wrong and told him never to take me any where again. I don't think i'll ever turn him in or tell my mom. I know it'd hurt her..since every day I begged her to call Ricki when she was in Florida with dad and tell him not to come back. She told me I was just being stupid.
I feel better now. I told him alot of things i'd never have the guts to write on paper. It's like I felt safe yah know...? Mabye i'm just being blinded again. I don't know.

Last entry for today.