Psychology Why do we want to be popular?

Why do we want to be better than others? Why do we want to be popular, why do we want to be rich, why do we want to be in power? Why cant we just settle for being like everyone else? Why do we want to stand up from the crowd and be better than other people? I think that people are very selfish creatures who always strike for excellence. Most of the population only cares about fullfilling their own desires.

 

In everyday life, people need to be acknowledged in some way, for their abilities to be known. In nature,animals compete to be with a good mate; like crickets chirping, a bird selecting one who builds a good nest to carry eggs, or the strongest one to raise pups. People raised different ways develop a different perception of reality. There's a legend of a prince whose parents only let be treated to by young people, and for a long time he didn't know of being old. Kids shut away with nothing to do may become violent and go out to the streets.Others may act like they've lived in a dark room all their life and shut themselves to the world. Sometimes, one becomes adopted by wildlife. They think and move like their adopted family-I remember hearing of a guy who was a great runner having been raised by camels. In 'The Music of Dolphins', a girl is raised by dolphins and thinks like one, and researchers study her and try to adapt her to live in the modern world. John Wyndham's 'The Chysalids' has different realities.

 

i dont try to be popular, but i try to accomplish difficult things to better myself. that doesnt mean i want to be better than others, only that i want to be better than i am now. i'll help someone, if i can, but i am not usually going to search him out to do it.

 

Well first of all you're assuming that the entire planet is set on being "popular", and while the majority probably falls under that category, you'll still (rarely) find the odd person who, for whatever reason, hasn't been brainwashed by society and honestly couldn't care less about their 'status'.

Once when a friend asked me why women care so much about their bodies (which then developed into a discussion of why people care so much about other's opinions of them). Here's a response I sent her which I think could pretty much explain my overall view on this topic.

While nobody likes to admit it, this society is based almost entirely on conformity. Standing out from the crowd is frowned upon nowadays, whether it be your appearance, actions, or just overall charisma. People don't want to be shot down for being different, so they take the easy way out and conform to the beliefs of others (while many people such as you and I probably wish we could just be non conformists and go about our daily lives without anybody putting us down). The sad part is, most people (whether they want to admit it or not) care a great deal about the opinions of others, and they don't want to risk getting a bad rep. in society's eyes.

Then there are some people who don't even take the time to think about all this and just let themselves be brainwashed into the beliefs of others. This is just another form of conformity, but unlike the other version of conformity, these people haven't a clue that they're conforming. They've just been brainwashed at a young age that being skinny and "sexy" is the gateway to success, and they're using it as their key to achieving their goals.

Plus there's the added pressure from celebrities, who (in order to gain status in society's eyes) people want to match up to and so they attempt it by trying to become exact replicas of their favorite star because, heck, you can't even turn on the television anymore without getting some idiotic news announcement about who Britney Spears is marrying and that Mary Kate has developed an eating disorder. There's probably some woman in, I dunno, Alabama with an eating disorder as well, but she doesn't get cameras and sympathy stalking her wherever she goes. It's just another example of how easily some people are amused, since (for whatever reason) we seem to have a natural taste for gossip.

 

It's because we're in an individualistic society where people put themselves before others. In individualist cultures people consider themselves to be seperate from the whole, they give priority to their own goals, and value independence. Because of this they may strive to be better than everyone else, regardless of how this will affect their society.

As Kagome's Arrow said, not every culture is like this, really it seems to be North American and some European cultures that have this view. Other cultures, such as Japan, have a collectivist view. In collectivist cultures the people view themselves as an important part of the whole, and give priority to the needs of the group they are in.

Now, take for example the group approach that Japanese businesses use. Even the lowest worker of a company can approach higher employees and report what they think should change in the product they are working on. They have tried to use the group apporach in North America but it can't seem to work.. Why? Because the head of corporations like their power and really wouldn't want to listen to someone who actually works on the product. This is why Toyota and Japanese car companies are doing so well!

Also, not everyone in collectivist cultures have collectivist attitudes, and not everyone in individualist cultures have individualist attitudes. But, there is a large difference in norms and the experiences one goes through in either type of culture.

 

People are selfish but its not a bad thing. Theres a difference between being selfish and being smart and not used. People like to be acknoleged. And selfishness is more of a survival thing in some ways though there are people who take it to the next level.

 

I think that people try to be better then others so that they will be remembered for the things that they did.
Indeed there are a lot of selfish people in the world that only think of themselves and will not listen nor take the advise of other people, even though the advice may be for their own good.

 

I think it's pretty simplistic. Although heightened "intelligence" complicates the matter as well as society, I think it's mostly instinct. One wants to strive to be important among peers, to be praised and the like. It shows one is exceptional, and thusly, more capable of leading and more likely to have better children (haha). It's certainly more complicated than that because of modern society, the way the human mind works, but I believe that's about what it boils down to. :dizzy2:

 

A desire to be symmetrical to a reality is what drives humanity. This reality is partially subjective(past reality that the mind has pondered upon) and partially objective(closest to present reality as possible); it is never fully objective or fully subjective, but always a variance of the two. Why are we driven to be symmetrical to a reality? It is because we are driven by past experience and an inherent disposition to a reality. Symmetry is merely the guide to a reality.

 

Acceptance. It makes us feel good to know that others respect you. Its a feeling that makes you feel in control. And control is what everyone enjoys. Some other forms of popularity dont exactly give you much to control, but all forms of acceptance is what everyone enjoys.

Unless youre not really a people person...



- K

 

Security

Popularity is not a priority of mine. I don't live for the acceptance of people or to gain attention. Those things I consider meaningless. I live to live.. not labeling myself with a sense of worth because those will create insecurities about your whole being. Simplicity is the key to live a normal life.

 

People rise above cause normality is common. People want to be looked upon as better but they dont understand why. Its a term known as social status. And not everybody is selfish. Ill give you a perfect example.

One of my best friends this year was the most popluar guy in our junior high for two years. did he get there by stepping on people or changing who he was. No, he was himself. He was nice to everybody, even people he didnt know. He respected everyone, the teachers and the students and even the other members of the faculty. If someone had a problem, no matter who he/she was, he would help them.

So no, not everyone who is popular is selfish. he did it to increase his chances of being seen by people who might help him get a good education and job. thats not selfish but he's paving the way for his life.

 

That still doesent change my opinion. That you would not enjoy being liked by everyone? is that what you're saying? Maybe we all have different views of the world. And maybe not everyone would enjoy popularity. But...who knows!?

- Kaiyon

 

Popular has quite a few meanings....
But, as I see it, Popularity is based on being popular with people, and being liked. If you're not liked, you arn't very popular. We want to be popular because this shows we are liked...

 

So you think its more about what others think than yourself? Im sorry to say i thinkits quite the opposite with most people.


- Kaiyon

 

Needs and Wants

There are many reasons why people want to be popular.

One is due to fear of acceptance. This is the most important reason for us, because everybody desires to be loved.

So on one hand, people might think they are selfish, on the other, people might think that they are really self-loved. Self-loved meaning that they love themselves so much that they choose the groups whom can give them love.
And there is nothing much wrong with that.

Everybody has their own world and own circle of friends.

Another reason is motive. Some people appear to be close with certain groups but not emotionally involved in certain ways, are seriously after motives. Example would be seeking for companions to go shopping, to buy clothes.

I dun deny it if people tell me i am seeking for popularity, because i seek for self-esteem and self-love. Thats a sort of popularity

 

I've been through the popularity thing, trendy-wise, and I don't like it. I've always stood out, somehow... I have friends but that's because they like what I like, even when I don't conform.

"Popularity" or whatever other word you could use to describe it (I'd use conformity, but that's just me) is most probably for acceptance (as if the rest of this thread didn't say that ). People don't want to be alone. I stand out, but I'm not really alone, so I have no pressure to conform.
I get teased and taunted more than I need to about how I look and dress, what I listen to music wise and what books I read, but unlike some people who aren't confident enough (cough) to let that sort of thing slide, I throw it aside and do what I want.

[I wouldn't know about the body pressure thing, because I'm not fat nor skinny.] Hahah, worthless and overused information that doesn't make sense. Whoo.

Is that fear of neglection?

 

chiks

Hey I get picked on about some things I wear and my makeup all the time.
It's okay i think preppy little girls who take their mirrors out every second
are ugly, skanky, and self absorbed so I think your cool..

 

Erm, How can you be 'popular' if noone else likes you? Wouldn't that make you unpopular, or an outsider?

 

I think people want to be popular because they want some attention. They don't want to be picked on or be casted out by people.
Maybe they want to be known as a someone? Maybe they need the desire to make them self better than other people?

I have kind of saw this alot of times when people are popular and how some put it preps...
PREPS- short for prepistion, aka a language term.

But thats not what you have been told they are, you think of a prep as a stuck up person who has the most friends and are the cool kids in school....well think about this for a second who is making these kids "cool" people just don't become cool all of the sudden. You make this person cool, though you my not think about it, it was you. You made of thought of a person as more power, prettier and other things and backed down from them, thus giving them more power over you and others. I am not saying yes it was you who made that girl cool, I am saying it is people who make other people more powerfull, but hy should you care anyways? Does being cool in school really help in the aftermath of being out of school. Some say yes others say no. Some say yes do to the fact that people might know them better for a job, but thats only in a hometown or close by town were people might of heard of you and if you are like me there is no way I am staying in this crap hole town forever! It is really up to you who you want to be in school, you just have to take your own time and think, what will help me be what "I" want to be, not anyone else.

I have also seen alot of the "preps" in my school get mad when people say there they popular prep kids. They always ask, how am I a prep? How are they preps? I have even been called a prep. I guess it is your way of looking at a person and seeing where you fit them in your own mind.