Humour Blonde Jokes

Dumb Blondes..

Well it takes one to know one. And if you haven't noticed I am one.

So do any of you ppl know any really good dumb blonde jokes?

My favorite one was there was a dumb blonde sitting at home trying to assemble something. She Called her boyfriend and she said "Hey hone help me! I'm trying to solve this puzzle and i just dont know what to do, according to the box its supposed to be some sort of a tiger." So a few minutes later the boyfriend comes to her house.
"So where's the puzzle?"
"Its right there on the coffee table."
The boyfriend looked at the coffee table.
"Okay, first lets get you a cup of coffee and then lets clear these frosted flakes of the table"...

Get it HaHaHa?

 

Haha thats good. Heres mine.


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

 

Out of a year having a "101 blonde jokes" poster in my common room in high school... tis the only one i can remember;

If a blonde & a brunette fell off a bridge, which one would hit the water first?

The brunette... the blonde would get lost

 

So this blonde calls the fire department, because the building next door is on fire. This is how the conversation commenced:

"Hello, Fire Department, what's the problem?"

"Yes, the house next door is on fire!"

"Okay, calm down, ma'am, everything will be okay. How do we get there?"

"Duh, big red trucks!"

I've got quite a few more, but I'll save them for later.

 

I was always partial to the older, more classic ones...

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool


How do you keep a blonde secretary busy?

Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.


Or a slight alteration to the last one...
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

She threw away all the Ws, Es and 3s.

~ ~ ~

I'm more partial to the more offensive jokes, anyways. ;P

 

These ones are little more dirty then the other ones.

Why do Blondes wear underwear?

To keep their ankles warm. :bleed2:


What did ones blonde's leg say to the other.

Nothing, they never met. :bleed2:

 

i am a blond but here is one of my favorites.

a blond, a burnett, and a redhead are driving and thier car breaks down.
they decide to walk to the gas station.
they also decide to each take something with them.
the burnett takes some food in case they get hungry.
the redhead takes some water in case they get thirsty.
the blond takes the car door so she can wind down the window if she gets hot.

 

I have another...
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head-first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

 

Okay, here's one:

Two blondes had just finished shopping at the mall and were walking out to the car when the first blonde realized that she had left her keys in the car. When the two checked the car's doors, all of them were locked. "Oh no this is terrible!" exclaimed the first blonde. "I know!" replied the second, "it's starting to rain and the top's down!" :anime:

That's the only one I can really remember. Hey, have any of you ever heard any "blondes' revenge" jokes? I used to know several, but the only one I can remember is:

What's blue and black and brown all over? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

 

A blind man walks into a lesbian bar and takes a seat by the bar. Suddenly he says out load "does anyone want to here any blonde jokes?"
The bar goes quite and the woman beside him leans over ans says "Beacise your blind were going to give you the benefit of a doubt but before you tell any blonde jokes let me pint out 5 things:
1. I'm blonde
2. The bouncer is blonde
3. The bar woman is blonde
4. My partner is blonde
5. The woman over there is blonde with a black belt in karate,
now do you really want to go ahead a tell that joke?
Blindman says "No, i better not........ i'm not bothered explaining it 5 times".

 

Heh, nice. I have one I heard today from some kid.

"There was a brunette, a red-head and a blonde wandering in a desert. They were out of food and water. They found a lamp in the sand and picked it up and rubbed it. Suddenly, a genie came out of the lamp and said 'I will grant you all 1 wish each, what will it be?' The brunette says 'I want to go home!' and poof, she's home, the red-head said 'I want to go home!' And poof, she was home. Then the genie turned to the blonde and asked for her wish, she said 'I want my friends back!'"

Stupid girl, bringing her friends back.. Ah well, her problem :anime:

 

This is one my drama teacher told me, since she's blonde. :catgirl: It went something like this:


There were three women alone on an island. One was a red head, one was a brunette, and one was a blonde; and on that tiny island, if they told a lie, they would disappear. Then the red head says, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof! She disappears. Next, the brunette says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof! She disappears. Finally, the blonde says, "I think-" POOF! She disappears. Get it?

 

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

 

Everyone knows them. Share your's!

**Nothing against blondes, but some of them are just funny**


How do you kill a blonde?
-You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

How do you confuse a blonde?
-Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in a corner.

 

http://www.boards.jp/forums/showthread.php?t=12839

 

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair?

Artifical Intelligence.

 

All pretty funny jokes. heres mine:
Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

 

thats like the one i was just going to post(good thing i saw yours) except mine has them in a bar and they talked to a mirror(weird yea, well that the version I herd)

all these are soo funny, I know them all but havnt herd them in a long wile.

 

you guys are so mean

Guess I'll be mean too:

A blonde walks into a bar and says ouch.


One day a blonde was driving when she saw another blondd in a boat out in a field with a fishing rod. So she pulls over and yells to the blonde "what the heck are you doing out there!?"
"Fishing." the other blonde replies.
"Oh for crying out loud..." the previous blonde begins. "Ya know, it's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! if I didn't wnat to get wet I'm swim over there and kick your butt!"

A plane is full of blondes and only one brunette. Suddenly the bottom of the plane falls out and all of them are hanging on for their lives. The pilot yells out that they need to get rid of one passenger then they might make it down safely.
"Well, I'll sacrifice myself." the brunette says.
and all the blondes clapped for her.

And here's one for blonde guys! >:}
a Japanese man, a mexican man and a blond man work at a construction sight, as they are eating lunch one day they start to complain.
"Damn sushi again? I swear if i have to eta sushi again tomorrow I'm gonna jump off this building we're working on." says the japanese.
"Damn, buritos! if i ahve to eat buritoes again tomorrow I'm gonna jump off too!" the mexican says.
"Yuck, bologona sandwich! If I have to eat this again tomorrow, I'm jump off too." the blond says.
The next day they get the same food they hate so much again and jump to their deaths.
At the funeral their wives start to cry.
"If only I had know he was getting sick of sushi!" the Japanese's wife cries.
"if only he had told me he hated burritoes!" the mexican's wife cries.
They then all look at the blond's wife expecting something from her.
"Don't look at me, he made his own lunch." she says.