Humour Break-Up lines

I checked for this and I found nothing like this. And I checked in all threads. So post any funny break up lines you have heard or your break up stories. I have even added the truth to break up lines also.

Break-up lines
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and to be honest, I’ve made a decision to never date outside my gender.
I really like you. It’s not you; it’s me.
We need to take a break.
I know there's someone even better for you out there.
You've done nothing wrong. It's me...I've just lost interest. Take care of yourself.
Whatever feelings I had for you in the beginning, I have lost in the end.
I've decided I'm just not ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
I have a lot of growing up to do.
How will I know I want to spend the next 50 years with you unless I date other people?

Christian Break-up lines
I’ve found someone more spiritually in tune with my beliefs
I've decided to try celibacy for a while
It's just not God's will
I feel a calling to the ministry
I'm going to purify myself from all earthly pleasures
God hasn't revealed His plan for my life yet
I need more space to contemplate my mission
I have to keep my mind clear from all earthly distractions
I do love you -- as a fellow believer

Truth to break-up lines
It isn’t you means it is you.
We need to take a break means I have found someone better and I have yet to decided if I like that person better then you.
I know there's someone even better for you out there means I have found someone better for me.
You've done nothing wrong means you have done everything wrong.

Internet break-up
I was wondering how people break-up over the internet then I realized it probably goes something like this.

Person 1: How are you? *Type type*
Person 2: I am doing great and u? *Type type*
P1: I am fine. *Type type*
P2: So what where you doing the other day? *Type type*
P1: Well, I think we need to type. *Type type*
P2: What do you mean type? *Type type*
P1: I don’t think that we are not working out. *Type type*
P2: What are typing about? I thought everything was going great with our typing. *Type type*
P1: I just don’t see us typing any more. *Type type*
P2: But what about all that great typing we had? Did it not mean anything to you? *Type type*
P1: It did at the time. But we are just following different typing styles. *Type type*
P2: I just can’t believe this. You are making me cry. ;( *Type type*
P1: Would it help if I said it wasn’t your typing it was mine? *Type type*
P2: No. ;( How could you? I thought my typing meant something to you. *Type type*
P1: It did but you know how typing is. *Type type*
P2: ;( *Type type*
P1: I didn’t want to make you type cry. I am sorry but I think we should type to other people. *Type type*
P2: Is there someone else? *Type type*
P1: Don’t be silly there is no one else. *Type type*
P2: I don’t ;( understand ;( why you are doing this ;( here. Our place. *Type type*
P1: I know I am awful. But I think it is best for me to go now. We can still be friends.*Type type*
P2: You promise? *Type type*
P1: Yes. *Type type* *Blocks User*
I am not a fan of the over internet relationships. I just don’t get how they could work.

 

Basher the whole Internet brake up part had me dieing with laughter thanks i needed it.

i've never heard the christian ones before.

very funny.

you couls always use the "somthing suddenly came up" line. or "I'm turning off my internet"

 

lol... but like I have used the Its me not you before and like I was telling the truth.. because like I am gay and I was going out with this girl and I felt bad because she didn't know that I was more or less using her.

But any who, that funny.. and thats more or less how internet relationships go.

 

Some of these sound very poetic. Plus I think most of the times we see breakups coming up about a mile away. The fastest and quitetest break up i've seen is:

P1 (Girl):So...yeah....
P2 (Guy):Yup.....
P1:I mean, you know......yeah....
P2:You sure--
P1:Yeah...
P2:Allright, still friends?

This is where we hold the phone, and look at our two possible outcomes:

Outcome 1-
P1:Sure, ok! *Hug*

Outcome 2-
P1: Lol *walks away*

As you can see, both are simple, and both still suck. Reality...hurts....

Oh, in case you were wondering, it was all the girl's fault cause she was a total bi***, and the guy had some sort of mental breakdown and yelled at her, called her every name in the book. The conversation took place the next day, and both felt like crap for a good long time....true face of comedy...

-Seishin

 

The internet break-up made me laugh soooo hard! OMG...but could be sooo true. lol. Sakata Kentaro...I love the way you type! *giggles and blush*

Yeah...those Christian break up lines are so stupid and I HATE that! I went out with this guy who was soooo deep into his religion. I originally borke up with him...but after a while...I REALLY missed and asked for him back. But he he couldn't love me because I wasn't a Born-Again Christian, or something like that...but that he really cares about me. I was sooo heart broken after he told me that...I believed that he was truly my "first love"...love hurts doesn't it?

 

the internet break up is funny..

I heard this one story about . Girl goes over to BoyFriends house, They do what most couples do.. Undress -fill in the blank- He gets dressed before her, grabs her clothes and leaves for the bar, leaving her there with no clothes.. comes back a few hours later and says.. your still here??

Yes its pretty cruel.. but a tad funny,.

 

reply

That's funny.I just tell them it's not goin work out.

 

KaYasha!!! How dare you you sly devil...who was this girl?! gah!!

 

Here's a famous one:
"I'm breaking up with you."
*hangs up the phone*
Or....
"I understand that you like me...you like guys and thats natural...and i would like you too...it's just that...IM GAY!!" oohhh burrrrnnnn
And theres always the ever famous 'he said she said he wants to break up with you and here's the note he wrote..he's just too much of a pussy to give it to you himself. lol
all of these have happened to me *cries* o well...i get over things
-S

 

lol.. I'm not too experienced on being the one to break up with them.. or in terms of dating at all. So here's what I googled:


"This just isn't for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people I'm single."
"You mean more to me than life itself - but I'm suicidal - so **** off!"
"I miss being HAPPY!"
"I have a pet dog, he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly but I wouldn't want to marry him. Lets part before this goes any farther."
"I love you lots but I have got to spread my wings and fly like an eagle."
"I can't go out with you anymore, my wife is cutting my allowance"

 

heres a few that ive actually heard some people use...

"Welcome to Dumpsville, population: You."
"You make me too happy. Go away."
"You have no more t-shirts I want to borrow."
"Ummm... I just realised something about my sexuality..."
"I don't know how to explain it, but I think my cat's allergic to you." (XD!)
"It's just not going to work. You're human, and I'm not."
"Sorry, You remind me to much of my ex!"
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else"
"My mom thinks you're a dork."
"Look, hon, being with you is like babysitting."


Ive never had any of these pulled on me but if i did, i think id just laugh

 

I am kind of mean. Well I am nice then you would think. I say something like "I don't want to go out with you anymore."

 

You only need three words for the perfect break up line: "I am gay".

 

so if your in a homosexual relationship do you get to use " I am Straight" ?

 

genius...it works so well

 

It's quite scary when it's actually true. What do people think? Did this girl...turn him gay? Oh god. How boring, or weird can someone be.

Ah well, good for the guy now. For some reason, now that he's gay, he pimps all the ladies. That's why he earned the name "Gay Pimp", with his own beat song.

I guess using these lines can sometime really help...a lot...

-Seishin

 

I dont think in all cases the girl turns the guy gay...but the gay pimp thing isnt all that true im afraid..if youre gay you dont like people of the opposite sex and you wouldnt consider hooking up with them.
but yeah, these lines do help in a lot of ways...

 

Gosh, I know your talking about me there with the gay pimp It is kinnda wierd though.. I tell people my friends work for me on the corners..so there for, I am a gay pimp ^__^

Usually when I go out with somebody and I want to break up.. I usually tell them the whole story of why, but I did use the its me not you thing once because well I couldn't tell her everything.. lol

I know someone who had an online relationship and what they did to break up was not talk to them untill the got the picture.. I did this a long time ago.. after like 5 months of not being on yahoo I get on and there like OMG Honey it has been so long..

lol, I actually forgot who the person was..^__^ I know I am so nice to people.

 

I lol'd. You know, I just don't need a break-up line (IMO). I would just resort to, "Me, you, bad, bye." Heck, it works, it's quick, and it's only 5 easy payments of $9.95. ^_-


-Ian