Humour Comebacks/Disses

Comebacks

I think everyone has used them. I know so many years ago I used to switch out your mama part and make it for you.

A few years ago I thought

Your so stupid on the way to Disneyland you saw a sign that said Disneyland left so you went home.

Was funny.

Only time I have ever used a comeback was with this annoying coworker. Probably do to the fact he never got them.

Here is two that I remember that I used on him.

I worship the ground that awaits your grave.

I am not going to get into a battle of wits with you. Because it wouldn't be fair to go against someone unarmed.

Anyone know any comebacks just for the heck of it?

 

The fact still stands that I may be fat, but you’re ugly and I can diet.

And this one is for when you meet someone online who is really bad at grammar.

OMG GUYS GEUSS WAT!!!

Stupid is getting louder?


XDXDXD

 

I learned this one from a little squirrel named Foamy.

Next time someone says to you "Oh yeah? Well I did yo' momma last night!"

You say: "Oh yeah? Well that's too bad. Because while you were busy trying to get laid my old ladies, I was carving out your mother's eyesockets with a razorblade and sold her blind *** as a bondage slave to the Japanese mafia and proceeded to shove a can of flesh-eating carrion ants up her *** and video-taped it for internet broadcasting".

And if that doesn't work say "Well I carved my name on the inside of your mother's uterus with a butter-knife while she was giving oral sex to the family dog."

As Foamy said, "Guarantee they'll throw a punch at you."

I'm fairly certain that's how it went at least.

(Look at the Toon "Sitcom Silliness" at www.illwillpress.com for the cartoon)

 

my main comeback was a simple "i love you" then walking up to him/her and giving him/her a hug. heh, it works all the time cause then the person is confused and scared.

or just my regular "shut up, stupid." worked too.

 

ha ha, i do that too! but it's not really classified as a comeback for me. i just tend to do it as a daily thing. i just faze out of the real world while focusing on something and watch it where it goes...mainly because i would be really bored, or the person was hot *ponders*

and the whole hugging comeback thing was actually stolen from a male friend of mine. i saw him did it once, and thought, "how cute....yaoi" and so i do it myself. it's nice to bring love into this world *coughs*

 

well there is this annoying kid on my bus.a boy younger than me.
he is so stupid.
he like always says the names of people from PBS kids shows.
when he does i sayHow do you know that?
shuts him up real quick.

also i think a nasty or stupid stare(depending on the person) is also very effective.

i can't remember all of my comebacks i have used.

 

Do what I do, tell them they are teh suck and you are teh....not suck. Or just drop to the ground, dont do anything. As they look down at you with a WTH? face, begin to flip around like you have rabies or something. Yes I know Im a moron.

 

When I was called a *****. I acted like it wasn't that big of a deal. It made the person mad. Her friends are like don't you know what that is? Yeah so.

I think ignoring some comebacks make you look better.

Another one: I think we all heard it before.

I was being nice to you the other day when someone said you were to ugly to sleep with a pig. I told them you weren't.

BTW, I did the whole love you thing. I advise you to do it only to parents are families. I don;t think you want to tell a bully you love them.

 

I normally just burst into two minutes or so of random babble...

Sometimes I start belting Yankee Doodle...

And occasionally I'll just respond with "That's just what I want you to think", usually repeatedly, until they give up and leave.

Yup....^_^

 

Me, being myself, haven't given up my childhood yet. Sometimes (when I feel like really annoying the hell out of someone) I say 'why' repeatedly.
'Did you know [...] did [...]?'
'why?'
'I dunno'
'why?'
'coz'
'why?'
'you're a dumb@ss'
'why?'

If it's a particular friend of mine she usually hits me about then...

Others I use...? Umm.. The evil, freaky glare is a good one for almost everyone ^_^ hehe... Or when someone says something not so interesting, or something they think is funny (but isn't) one eyebrow up is good, I like to make them feel stupid ^_^ Doesn't work on some people.
This pretty much tells you (and me, coz I didn't know it either) that my actions speak louder than my words - which is a problem when it comes to the internet perhaps... Ah well ^_^

Also..

was funny, and I'm so using that on a girl I know. She spells almost every second word wrong. Talk 'bout the typo queen XD
^^ QuiQui (whatever that means.. ^_^ )

 

The only one i can think of at the moment is "p*** off or i'll stab you in the eye". For some reason excessive violance always seems like a good come back for me, which is probably why i like Dante's comebacks, even if it will get your head kicked in.
And i've also found that ignoring people can just piss them off as well. Can be interesting to see how the mind works.

 

As a joke my friends and I ussually say "Like your face" to any insult. Or you we started this whole thing where to anything they say, we say "You know" or "Yeah it is" or "Yeah you are" it always works. XP As for any others, I can come up with good "small penis" insults as comebacks. But thats about it.

 

Your momma disses

1. Your momma's so fat that she got a job at the movie theater as the screen. lol
ill get some more later...

 

I have a better idea. Lets make it "yo thread" disses.

Yo thread so stupid, it spent 20 minutes staring at a can of frozen juice because it said "concentrate".

 

I bet none of you herd this one it was made up when i was in the forth grade
by a fourth grader(some friend of mine we were just making up jokes and saying some we already knew)

your mamas sooo fat that when GOD said "let there be light", He meant for her to move.

get dont ya to move out of the suns light

 

LOL good one shinobi XD
oh i got some more :
1. Yo momma's so fat when she walks past window we lose four days of sun light. XP
2. Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptised at sea world.
3. Yo momma's so fat that when the whales saw her they started singing "we are family" XD
4. Yo momma's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
5. Yo momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

 

This one will usually work on guys, Say "what do you call-their name here-with a 1 inch penis................................gifted

 

here are some ive heard before:

your mammas so old she farts out dust

your mammas so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued

is that your face? or did your neck throw up?

your so stupid you try to put m&m's in alphabetical order

your so evil that hell froze over when you were about to enter

your so fat that when you walk to the store your already there

your mammas so fat that when she tryed to catch the bus to give you your lunch she said "HEY!!! STOP THAT TWINKIE"