Recreation funny stuff

hey, i cant think of anything to write, so i though i would start a link of funny stuff. Anything from a funny scene from a cartoon or a joke or anything funny. Anything.
EG. To be annoying. Change your name to Aaarchi Aaalam just so you can be numberone in the phonebook.
Your mums fo fat her waistline is the equator
ect ect
ANYTHING FUNNY

 

c'mon peoplz

ANYTHING AT ALL THATS FUNNY
a picture a quote watever, c'mon guys

 

Foundthis, laughed a bit..

 

Then again, found this, laughed a lot.

**Warning: may be offensive to overly uptight viewers.**

 

how bout this one

 

and this one

 

and this

 

and another one

its us.

 

50 Things To Do In an Elevator

50 Things To Do In an Elevator



1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that
this is your "personal space."

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all
of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in
there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act
embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call
you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear
the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new
socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion
sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and
move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

 

How to be Annoying

How to be Annoying



Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you
"like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for
alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Ask 800 operators for dates.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of
"Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..." Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the
flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly
adjusted.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash
register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" Rouse your roommates from slumber each
morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Repeat everything someone says as a question.

Repeat everything someone says as a question?

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson
conspiracy theories.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never
mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer on the wall song.

Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?) Pretend your
mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly
done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." Lick the filling out of all
the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall
off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz
Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. (DAVE, JENN, PAUL &
JOHN, equally annoying - the theme to Jesus Christ Super Star!) While making
presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book.
Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid
the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because
of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!" Finish all your
sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook.
Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." Stare at static
on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

 

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMEN


COMPLIMENT HER,
RESPECT HER,
HONOUR HER,
CUDDLE HER,
KISS HER,
CARESS HER,
LOVE HER,
STROKE HER,
TEASE HER,
COMFORT HER,
PROTECT HER,
HUG HER,
HOLD HER,
SPEND MONEY ON HER,
WINE AND DINE HER,
BUY THINGS FOR HER,
LISTEN TO HER,
CARE FOR HER,
STAND BY HER,
SUPPORT HER,
HOLD HER,
GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR HER,


HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN


SHOW UP NAKED,
BRING FOOD

 

A guy goes into a bar sits down and asks the bartender
to line up ten shots of crown royal.

The bartenders asks "What's the happy occasion?"

"It's not so happy," the guy replies, "I just found out my older son
is gay.

"Sorry about that," the bartender replies.

A month later the same guy goes to the bar and asks the bartender to
line up
20 shots of Crown Royal.

The bartender says "I hope it's a happy occasion this time."

"Not really," the guy replies, "I just found out my other son is
gay." With
that he drinks the shots and leaves.

Six months later the guy walks into the bar again and asks the
bartender to
give him the whole bottle instead of lining up shots.

The bartender decides to ask the guy a personal question, "Doesn't
anybody
like pussy in your house?"

The guy replies "Yes, my wife does."

 

counter strike

any fan of counterstrike
(not for anyone who had family die in sept 11)

 

W00T!

 

joke

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.

A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

 

don't remember where these came from, so you may have seen them already. oh well.