Recreation Jokes..

Kid Sayings
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I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat,"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
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A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year- old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."
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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat."The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically... "Why does it have to be a secret?"
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When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."
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>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter --haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
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more

sorry .. im bored...

<More jokes>

A very beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building and she suddenly trips over something and falls down. On her way falling down, an American man catches her, she says : "Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll do ANYTHING for you..."
The man says: "Okay then, sleep with me."
She says : "You PIG!! NEVER!!" So he says "FINE!"
and he drops her down.... So she's falling and screaming...
Suddenly a German man catches her in the air from his balcony, she says :"Oh thank you, you saved me, I'll do anything that you ask..."
The guy says : "Fraulein, sleep with me."
She replies: "Oh you nasty pig!!! NEVER!" So the man says : "Fine!!!" and he also drops her down again.
She's falling and thinking that it was better if she slept with one of those men and now she's going to die.
Suddenly, a Muslim man catches the woman from his balcony, she says : "Oh thank you, you saved
my life, I'll SLEEP with you!!"
The Muslim man replies : "God forbids!" and he drops her.


...i liked it

 

more jokes

"Good Advice"

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

 

MORE ...

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is
a poor man, it's your stupidity.
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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
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If it's true that we are here to help others,
then, what exactly are the others here for?
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Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
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Save water.
Shower with your girlfriend.
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Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
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The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
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Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop
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Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children
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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
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There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning
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"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk !
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"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours !
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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
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When two's company,
three's the result !
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A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view
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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

 

o.o Having fun..?

:catgirl: I like them though!

 

*L* those kid sayings are priceless. Where did you find them, Toomaa?

~ Lady Aoi

 

hehe .. well my friend always emails me funny jokes so i thought that i should share it with u guys

 

Where I come from we have a saying...

Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach.
And those who can't teach, teach gym.

 

Okay I got one.

"To do is to be" ~ Plato

"To be is to do" ~ Aristotle

"Do be do be do" ~ Sinatra

Yes that's random and stupid. My aunt has it on a tee-shirt

~ Lady Aoi

 

C: dos
C: dos/run
run/dos/run

If you laughed, you're a nerd(apparently).

 

An asparagus walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and sez, "I"m hungry. Give me something to eat."
The bartender looks at him and sez, "We don't serve food here."

 

This isnt really a joke, but it made me laugh. Plus its great advice for students.

The more I study the more I know.
The more I know the more I forget.
The more I forget the less I know.

So why study?

This was on a T-shirt purchased at Oxford Univerisity.

 

What makes it funny is that its really true

IN PRISON
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
..........
IN PRISON
You get three meals a day (free).
AT WORK
You only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
...........
IN PRISON
You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK
You get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
..........
IN PRISON
A guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
AT WORK
You must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
...........
IN PRISON
You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK
You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
..........
IN PRISON
You get your own toilet.
AT WORK
You have to share.
...........
IN PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK
You can not even speak to your family and friends.
...........
IN PRISON
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
..........
IN PRISON
You spend most of your life looking through the bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
................
Soooooo.......?

Which One sounds better?

 

Tooma-cha i love the second one about the woman!1HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! I`m still laughing, see? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
moi is not good at teling jokes!

hugs

 

Three pieces of string walk into a bar,
one hops up, and the bartender says "we dont serve string here!", so it leaves.
The second hops up and the bartender, angrily says "we dont serve string!!!"
The third one twists and contorts and bends and messes himself up, then hops up to the bar.
The bartender says "Aren't you a piece of string?"
To which the string replies "Nah, Im a fraid knot"
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*looks around*

Yo bub!

What do a refrigerator and a g...

*gets dragon punched into the "pants" forum by Knives.*

 

these are quite funny you guys i have a bunch i just cant remember them now...^.^

if con is the opposite of pro then congress must be the opposite of progress

we live in a world today where lemonade is made of artificial flavors and furniture cleaner is made of real lemons

whats red and green and goes a hundred miles an hour?*keep reading for answer*

the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese

i laugh in the face of danger...then run and hide til it goes away

*a frog in a blender*answer to joke

a man walks into a bar and says...ouch

always borrow money from a pessimist... they dont expect to be paid back

remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap the idiot upside the head

okay so i really only had one joke but i thought they were funny anywho!! one more for now(only applies to my american buddies)

one of four americans has some kind of mental illness. Think of three of your friends. if theyre okay then its you

 

this isn't really a joke, but I laughed at it just for the.. well... stupidness of it, I got it from an episode of The Simpsons

'How many inventers does it take... to invent a lightbulb?... just one... Thomas Eddison'

(just been watching that episode, so its stuck in his head)

 

Although I'm a guy.....

Q:How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:3.1 to screw it in,an 2 to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q:Why did the moron stop moving his bowels?
A:He was afraid he'd forget where he put them.

Q:Why shouldn't you take s*** from a hillbilly?
A:It could be his lunch.

There once was a fighter with a deadly rabbit punch.......unfortunatly,they made him fight people.

And now...some jokes from Brak:

Q:Where did the rabbit find his oil can?
A:Under the stairs

A man walks into a restaraunt."Do you serve crabs here?"He asks."Yes!"answered the man.

Ted saw a man and a dog playing chess."Wow,"Ted said,"that's the smartest dog I ever saw!"."I know."answered the man.

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Orange.......wait a minute.....didn't I see you the other night?

That's all for now.