Debate Respect between Parents and their children

Do you think that the relationship between a parent and their children deserves he same respect on both sides? Or do you believe that a parent has the right to demand respect and not give the same respect they expect to their children(and vice versa). I just wanted to bring this subject up because I am hearing it amoung my friends and myself personally.

 

In my opinion it depends on the situation. You should always give your parents respect because they gave you life, but they shouldnt just treat you disrespectfully because you are their child....

 

Depends on what you mean by respect, really. Respect is usually given to someone because you appreciate what they've done for you. If a parent gives their child security, food, a house to live in along with paying all the bills that go with that, do the laundry, go to work every day to afford all of this, oh! and spends 24/7 staying awake to feed and tend to that child during infancy. As well, of course, love, then the child should respect their parents I would say.

Now, that said it is hard for parents to show their children equivalent respect, but parents should realize that their child is not capable of doing all of the above either. It's best for the children of the parents to do as much around the house to help out their parents in order to gain respect. It bothers me quite a bit when I hear people saying "my parents tick me off! they should respect me more!" while their parents are breaking their backs to pay for them.

But, it also ticks me off when parents demand respect from their children to the point of power mongering. Such as telling them that they can't talk back to them, this only makes the child afraid to express their views to others, creates a fear of authority, and could possibly lead to depression later on. Oh, and when a parent expresses their power through physical punishment to an unnesessary extent I think that's when Children's Aid should step in..

 

I think that its just as important for parents to respect their children as for children to respect their parents. But respect doesnt always mean love. Some children respect their parents but they dont love them and some parents love their children but they dont respect them. Some parents just go too far with trying to teach their children some respect that their children end up hating them. I think that respect should be natural. You respect people for action they've done or things they've said. So if parents are lazy or alcoholics or always fighting, then ofcourse their children will never respect them.

 

In the long run of things i thnk it would be better for the child to respect their parents, as its the parents that are doing most of the work to bring them up properly and, what i think is most important, they are willing to share their own experiences of how they did things, how they made mistakes and how they learned from them. So a parent can use these experiences to keep their own children safe and pass on any advise that they know to their children. It's the good advise that parents pass on that should be the main reason children should repect their parents.
That said the parents should also have some respect for their kids in that they should not treat them like babies for most of their lives and smother them from the outside world. A parents advise on making mistakes can help the child avoid them, but its up to the child to get out into the world and make their own mistakes and learn from them.
I suppose its all about tring to find a balance between the two, were the child will respect their parents, but also so that the parents respect their own kids enough so as to let them make the right judgment for themselves.

 

I agree. I think parents and children should respect EACH OTHER. To be honest, I don't think too kindly of other peoples' parents because of the way they act so high and mighty. I would give them a piece my mind if I could... :anger2:

 

I believe that children should respect thier parents but parents dont have to do the same. As That Guy! mentioned before....parents seem to sacrifice alot for thier children so that is why children should show respect to thier parents.

 

all I know is I respect my parents greatly and never made any of them pissed off at me, and they have been decent to me back and showed me respect. But I do have to say I get along with my dad a lot better then with my mom, but my mom and I can't stay mad at eachother for more than a day

 

But you can't have one-sided respect in such a close relationship. How can a child respect parents who don't return that respect? Imagine, if you will, trying to respect a person who tramples your rights, orders you around, never gives you a reason for their actions or tries to consider your opinion. And yes, parents SHOULD be able to provide reasons for the decisions they make - "Because I'm your parent and I said so!" is cheap. When a child genuinely wants to understand the motivation for some action, the logic behind some rule or punishment that they think is unfair, the parent should - like anyone else - ideally be able to offer some concrete answer. To make rules without reasons, or to have reasons and refuse to state them when faced with a reasonable request to do so, is an element of power abuse.

While it's true that a parent can still provide for all the material needs of a child - and even love them - without respecting them, that never makes for a good relationship.

Really? So just because my hypothetical parent pays the bills and gives me food, I'm REQUIRED to respect him or her? It's a two-way street. Remember that having a child is a selfish act most of the time: if you ask someone why they're having a baby, chances are they either didn't use protection (or didn't use it correctly, or whatever), or they actively decided to have a child. Either way, that works out to an act of desire. The child has no say in it.

I've had a lot of problems with my parents over the years. It wasn't until my mother was ready to start respecting me, taking my opinions into consideration, and treating me like I was a person capable of thinking for myself that our relationship improved. She herself had many unresolved issues to deal with, and until she DID deal with them, I found her to be a very ineffective parent and not worthy of much respect at all. Respect has to be given by both parties or it just doesn't work.

 

Just because you don't respect somebody does not mean that you technically disrespect them as I think you are trying to imply in this situation.

They can let you go anythime they want.

 

Your respect for your parents should be paid back to you as well by your parents. This doesn't mean that if your mother or father asks you to do a particular something that you can just say "no" because he/she doesn't respect you. Because that's disrespectful to them. Also when a parent asks you to do a particular something and you ask why... THAT IS BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO YOUR PARENTS. So just don't ask why, and do it because they're your parents. Dilandau, sometimes that method is used as a powertrip, and sometimes it isn't but either way they're still your parents, and by Christian standards you should do what they ask of you (if you're a christian that is, i'm not gonna start preachin' here). I think that no matter what the parent does, we should all respect him/her, or anyone else for that matter. Just because someone doesn't respect you does not mean that you should lose respect for that person. If you'll just work at being respectful to everyone, no matter what they've done to you or someone you love, then you'll find that many people will be respectful to you in return.

 

Not always. There's a difference between telling their child to please do the dishes and getting back a "Why should I?" and a situation where, for example, a parent says that their child must attend ballet classes when the kid would rather be on the school's debate team. When the parent's request is reasonable, naturally the child should be respectful of it. When it seems arbitrary or runs counter to a reasonable request made by the child, it is not disrespectful to question the parent about their logic and motives (politely, of course).

Well, I think that even a devout Christian would recognize that there's a limit to "respecting thy mother and thy father." There are all kinds of extremes that I could bring up here, but for the basic purposes of this debate I would say that those extremes are generally not applicable.

This is true, but respecting a person and obeying their every whim are not the same thing. I would certainly do my best to respect someone even if they had been extremely rude to me, but if they rear-end my car deliberately just to be snarky, I'm still gonna sue them for damages, you know what I mean?

A lot of things that work beautifully in theory - the "turn the other cheek" philosophy, for example - cannot be practiced in every situation. Suffice to say that while a child does owe a certain amount of consideration to their parents for "services rendered" (i.e. the financial and emotional effort expended in raising a child), and a certain level of respect, they are not bound to do anything and everything they are told to regardless of their own emotional wellbeing or personal safety. There are some parents out there who are too selfish, too hateful, or too disturbed to be deserving of their children's respect, because they give none in return.

 

I agree with Dilandau. I don't believe that abusive parents deserve respect. A child should not be a door mat to a "parent." "Parents" who are abusive do not deserve respect. Instead (I don't mean to sound harsh), they deserve their heads to be decapitated.

 

Ouch, remind me not to get on your bad side Star Princess!!

Totally obeying you parents is in a form respect but if your parents don't respect you back then they may in turn take advantage of your obediance and leave nearly all of the work in to the house to you, and if you then try to refuse they may get violent, cause they since they don't respect you they'll think that you've just turned into a lazy kid.
As long as you see to it that you do your fair share of the work around the house without to much complaining then i think the respect will be returned to you by the parents.

 

I agree with you there. Respect is mutual; if my parents don't respect me, I don't have the obligation to respect them. That's how I see things.

 

I think that you should give respect (parents and kids point of view) but it also depends on how well the family is. There is so many things to look at.

Parents

Your parents for one birthed you into this world. They provide shelter, food, water (etc.) I think that parents to deserve respect.

Though at times Some Parents could care less. They abuse their kids, force them to do unfair things. They wont provide shelter and stuff. So there I can understand not getting respect for their kids.

Kids

Kids that are raised in a nice family I should think would get respect. Parents really shoulf put their kids first. They birthed them, cared for them, and loved them. They should also respect their wishes.

Kids in a bad home are often another case. Drugs, sex, theft is something they would do. The familys they live with are just bad. I would not think that parents would get respect from them at all.



Though this is not only the case. I was brought up in a loving family and was taught to respect my parents. Though now It is falling apart with my father and I give no respect. So I'm not saying that those above are the only reasons because of dis-respect and respect but that is alot of the cases heard.

 

Mutral respect between parent ( or gardian) depends on which side your on. my mother and i have murtal respect for each other. but when it comes time to be a parent (depending on whats going on) you have to step above your child and handle your bisness. It takes resect to get respect. without it your going to get no where.

 

The instant I scanned this topic I was enthusiastic to share my two cents, specifically since (for once) I've undergone various experiences that have contributed to my opinion on this.

My father is completely illiterate. Initially I figured it was because he immigrated to this country (25 years ago, if that gives you an estimate of how much he should've progressed), but then I discovered he's basically illiterate in his native language as well. And we all have our faults, whatever. Intelligence obviously isn't his strong suit, however, kindness isn't either. (I'm not going to elaborate on this one..) Not to mention that he's one of the most prime examples of a fascist, bigoted dictator I've ever encountered.

How on Earth am I supossed to respect him? It's a horrible thing to say, but whether or not a child "should" respect their parents doesn't neccisarily mean they're going to undergo an "englightenment" and suddenly start to worship parents who obviously don't deserve it. I can't change the way I feel, though I can suppress it, and I'm sure other kids (and parents, in alternate circumstances) have endured similar experiences and share this viewpoint.

In an ideal world, there would be an equal balance of respect between parent and child, but realistically, it just isn't feasible.