Humour Worst jokes ever!

Ok, let's try again. This time, feel free to post the *worst* jokes you've ever heard, whether they're so old they've been run into the ground, or are just plain crap.

We'll start with this one I found off Google.

Please don't shoot the thread down this time, Neph, Kain? If you don't like it, don't read it.

 

Just saw these some time before.

 

I'm just going to make this quick and say "every single joke you get out of a christmas cracker".

 

"Hey, did you hear? Toronto added another city to it's boundaries! Winnipeg."

I figured it was kind of fitting.

 

where is engagement Ohio?

between dating Ohio and marriage Ohio

 

ICHI, NI!!!!

lol.

you know, itchy knee... heh. -_-;

 

Just before a simulated battle during basic training, an army recruit on the blue team tells his sergeant that he doesn't have a rifle.
"No problem," says the sergeant. "Take this broom. Point it at the enemy, and yell 'Bangety bang bang!'"
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asks the young recruit.
The sergeant pulls a straw from the end of the broom and attaches it to the handle end.
"Here. use this. Just go, 'Stabbity stab stab."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding his broom. Suddenly, an "enemy" soldier from the red team charges at him. The recruit points the broom.
"Bangety bang bang!" The enemy falls down.
More red team soldiers appear.
The recruit yells "Bangety bang bang! Stabbity stab stab!" He mows them down.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for a one enemy soldier walking slowly towards him. "Bangety bang bang!" shouts the recruit.
The enemy keeps coming.
"Bangety bang bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desparate. "Bangety bang bang! Stabbity stab stab!"
The enemy keeps coming and knocks the recruit to the ground, saying "Tankety tank tank."

Dave's parrot was always using bad language, so he asked the vet how he could stop it.
"Every time the bird swears, put him in the freezer for 15 seconds." advised the vet.
The next time the parrot uttered an expletive, Dave did as the vet said. Then, feeling guilty, Dave opened the freezer.
Shivering, the parrot came out saying, "I'm sorry for all the bad language I've been using."
Dave was astounded at the sudden change. Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Actually, those are kinda funny.

 

*Offers sincerest apologies and a make-up casserole in advance*

When this popped into my head, my instinctive reaction was to shudder in revulsion and deposit it into the J-Pidge recycle bin, but then a horribly sadistic part of me insisted that I post it here instead XD

Q: What did Ashton Kutcher say to the Titanic?
A: You've been Sunk'D!

*cackles and disappears in a puff of smoke before she's pelted with partially digested cornbread*

 

Hmmm... Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

I don't even get that one and I don't want to get it.


-Ian

 

Have you heard about that new pirate movie?

It's rated Arrrrrrrrrr.......

 

Ridicusly long and boring jokes are a first, but one that i'll always think is stupid is when:

Me: Hey
Someone: Yo
Me: What's up?
Someone: Chicken Butt!

Never got it...

-Seishin

Me: WTF!?

 

ok heres the gayiest one

someone: Do you like Sex in The City?
someone else: Yea its ok
someone: I wasnt talking about the tv show..

that is so stupid

 

Q: Why is perfume so obedient?
A: Because it's scent everywhere it goes.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

 

OK here's the worst. joke. ever.

Who's the hamburger villain?

Burger King-pin!

*ducks*

 

Q: What's the famous phrase associated with drop-out chameleons?
A: Would you like flies with that?

*disappears Wicked Witch of the West style*

 

Q:what did the cow say to the guy who got in his way?
A:Moooooooooovvvve


[berry] second joke was inappropriate even though it is using the male term for chicken, the double meaning of the joke is what isn't allowed.[/berry]

 

There are two fishes in a tank.

Suddenly, one fish turns around to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"


Heard this from a friend online, it was...so...lame.

- Teddz

 

Q: what enter in a microwave yellow and came out red?
A: a chiken

 

Here are some maybe?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Where do you find good jokes? Not in this thread. *my own*

 

u r summoned here 2 cort today for being far 2 sexy and trespassing in my dreams if found guilty ................................ how do u plead
sorry but i think i shouldn't type out the missing bit :sweat2: