Debate So how young is your girlfriend?... WHAT?!?

I thought I'd start a debate on something that nearly everyone I know in person can say something about.

1. What is a permissible age difference between a guy and his girlfriend?

2. Where should we draw the line in extreme age differences in a couple?

Here in Hawaii (a pretty liberal, laidback place), lots of guys in their 20's openly date and hook up with girls who are still in high school. One person even told me about a 30-something year old who tried to date a 6th grader. Yeah, we all go "ewwww!" but clearly there is probably an age difference which is okay. Well, I already have a lot to say, but I'm not an expert so I can't really back it up. I'm wondering what everyone else here thinks.

UPDATE....: What about couples where the girl simply LOOKS like a little girl, while the guy is really huge and old-looking? Lots of people see that and think that's pretty gross too. For me though, I'm mainly upset that it means there's less petite/short women for the short/little guys... cuz the big guys took em all!

 

I dunno, I think once a girl hits about 18, she can decide on her own who she wants to date, regardless of age.. Before 18, the age difference can matter, though, because frankly, most young girls I've met have been pretty damned gullible, and a bad relationship at a young age can really mess with someone's psyche. I'd say maybe a 4 year age gap max is acceptable before a girl/boy hits 18. After that, it's thier responsibility to take care of themselves.

Personally though, I'm 21, and my wife is 22, and we're doing just fine

- Ark

 

It's really relative to the age of both parties. I mean, a girl I once knew was dating a man in his mid 30's, and she was only 17. On the other hand, I wouldn't even look twice at this same age difference if they were both older. My aunt is more than ten years younger than her husband, and no one in the family has any problem with that.
Then there's the philosophy a friend from school had regarding dating in high school. As long as you're both in high school, it's fine. I thought this was full of crap, because at the age of 18 I wouldn't want to date a 14 year old. The issues are both mental and physical. I mean, at that age, people could be at entirely different stages of life. And as far as psychology is concerned, those four years could make a huge difference.

 

My personal taste runs from 16 (and they have to be a mature, intelligent 16, preferably close to their 17th birthday) to 25.

I'm 19.

Anyway, my basic rule of thumb is your age plus or minus 2.

 

I'm 19, my girlfriend is 22. Go figure. I always see people out of Hollywood dating women much younger, but I feel a little odd having it the other way around. Doesn't really bother either of us thought when we talk to each other. So i'd really have to say that age doesn't matter, as long as you are comfortable with it.

 

Being a senior in high school, my friends and I were either the same age or older than everyone else. Eventually each of us liked a freshman girl. Other senior guys before us, respectable ones as well as punks, even hooked up with freshmen girls. Then I knew of a few upperclassmen girls who ended up dating freshmen boys. I guess by the time we're seniors, we're already used to the other grades, so we turn to the incoming ones for fresh faces.

Then in college, everyone was either my age or older. I even liked a girl who was 4 years older than me. So now my own age range has stretched a few years. I'm 21 now, and I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend who is 16. With the close-minded guys around my place, they'd go "brah, she's YOUNG!" I'd just say "So... age is the last thing I look at, plus at least she's past puberty!" (then I'd beat those guys up, heheh, just joking).

In answering question number two, I agree with Ark, that once two people are adults, then the age range can be stretched ten or twenty years. However, it does make me feel weird whenever there's a girl that I like, maybe a few years older or my age, and turns out she's dating a guy who's at least 35. Makes me think "aww, what about us young guys?" Gives us young guys less girls to check out when the girls are taken by older guys. I mean, I understand that older guys like em young, but still yet.

 

Well, this is how I see it, when you are older than 18, any age is fine, that is reasonable. Heard of Demi(however you spell it) and Ben Aftlac(however you spell it) ya know, those big shot movie stars? Demi's around 40, and Ben is I think just past 18, something like that, doesn't matter when you are past 18. So what I am saying, if a 45 year old is dating a 33 year old, it's fine, but if a 13 year old dates a 1 year old, it isn't right. If you have noticed, 45 and 33 is a 12 year difference, 13 and 1 is a 12 year difference also. So, it is ok if you are over both parties are over 18 to date many years apart.

(Breathe) That was one long answer, hope you understand.

 

Dude, Ben Affleck is like 30. At least. Anyways, my general input... basically seems to be the general consensus, past the seventeen-eighteen mark, all is fair game (albeit an eighty year old male dating a twenty year old woman would be a bit weird, but, s'all good... probably just for her good looks and his money anyway ). Anyways, yeah.

 

umm well girlfriend would be my sisters catigory but i have a bf thats 16

 

don't put me in a "catigory" close minded sister of mine.

so umm yeah back to the subject i have a girlfriend thats 17

 

and what age are you? .. 's not really giving us much relevant info if you give us your gf's age and you don't tell us yours

also, you appear to be a girl yourself? .. is having a gf a 'thing' you are trying out, or are you sure about your sexuali preferences? .. totally seperate from the thread I'm just curious because of your (apparent) young age..

 

we can cont. this convo in pm but not in this thread

 

dude, its Aston Kucher and Demi Moore, Ben Afflek is with J-Lo.

And Aston is about 20.

 

Ashton is 25, closing in on twenty six. Was born on 1978 and I believe his birthday is in February. Just thought I'd point that out. But still, s'not all that big of a deal, the age difference between him and Demi.

 

OK OK OK! I AM STUPID ABOUT THE MOVIE STAR THINGY! Whatever, I don't really care about em either, just trying to put an imput, thanks for updating my info, now I will actually know what I am talking about.

 

I think when you're just dating to date then you sort of want to stay in your own age group but once you start looking for someone to settle down with you can broaden the range to however much you want.

 

Thinking about this a little more, I came to realize something my father told me about age and birthdays. The older you get, the less important your age and your birthday means to you. At some point, people stop asking about your age and you might even forget it yourself. Not because your old, senile and/or can't remember, but because it just doesn't matter to you anymore. Think about it. When was the last time you heard anyone over thirty get asked how old they are?

The same goes with relationships. At some point, age doesn't matter anymore. It might be important to you when you are younger; maybe it is important to you because of what you think your peer's perception of the relationship might be (think about this). Throughout my High School, there was moderate disgust for a guy dating a girl who is three or more years younger. I remember fearing what everyone would think if they found out the girl I took to the winter dance was three years younger (we never dated, it was just something for the occasion). Luckly, they never asked.

 

when you are younger the age gap is more important more because of the difference in development than anything else

a 17 year old and a 14 year old, well the 17 year old is obviously more physically (and we'd hope mentally) developed than a 14 year old, who probably isn't ready at all for any sort of romantic relationship.

as you get older, the age gap matters less because that developing-gap no longer exists, they are all adults and thus all around the same wavelength..

although still a 40 year old and a 27 year old would raise a few eyebrows, mostly because of the different 'scenes' and era's the two would be from

 

Overall, so far most of you seem to go with the idea that a small age difference is okay for teens and young adults, while bigger age differences are okay for older adults.

However, I still have trouble with stupid people who think 16 is too young to be with a college student (20-22). Those are the same people who always first look for a girl's age (to see if she's old enough to have sex) and not at everything else which is more important.

Simply, I learned in nutrition class that people have two ages--a biological age, and a chronological age. Even before I learned about that, I already knew that I liked a certain type of girl. Now I can explain that I don't care that much about a girl's chronological age, since it's her biological age that I'm more interested in. For example, a girl can be chronologically 23 years old but have the biological appearance of a 17 year old. That I can be fine with, and if anyone were to accuse me of "robbing the craddle" I could just point out that she's the one who is older than me. On the other hand, there are some 14-15 year old girls who biologically appear to be 21-22. (Either cuz of extra height or early puberty.) I don't go for those girls, not only cuz they're young, but cuz I don't like old-looking girls. (Including girls my age who look 8 years older than me.)

Don't you think we could stretch age differences if we considered both bio. and chrono. ages, especially when there's quite a difference in both values for each partner? I myself look and feel a few years younger than my chrono. age, and I'd be cool with a girl who was like me in that manner. I also think that it would be okay (not just for me, but for the people around me) if I was with a girl whose bio. age was the same as my chrono. age, just that her chrono. age was really different, like, if she were much younger. (No one would criticize us cuz we'd look the same age.)